


I Will Always Find You

by green78



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-22
Updated: 2015-07-22
Packaged: 2018-04-10 16:25:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 47,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4399052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/green78/pseuds/green78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Willow decides to take matters into her own hands and follow Tara to heaven only to find herself in Hell. It's up to Tara and the Scoobies to help her escape. Originally posted on fanfiction.net from 2006-2008. TRIGGER WARNING: suicide.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friend: "I would love to read your Willow/Tara story." Me: "Oh God, I have to clean it up first."  
> I found the original documents ages ago and never got around to fixing it, but I figured that it was time to go for it and cross-post. Please don't judge my writing too harshly; this story is nine years old.  
> TRIGGER WARNING: suicide. The whole story is kind of based around it.

_Tara looked around, not sure of her surroundings. She was in a darkened lot scattered with crates and scraps of metal. Feeling dizzy where she lay on the ground,_ _Tara_ _looked over to see a redhead crawling towards her. “Tara?” the girl was pleading. “_ _Tara_ _?”_

_Tara frowned a little as she gazed into a pair of loving green eyes, the concerned face framed by flaming locks of hair. And suddenly everything began to clear for_ _Tara_ _. “_ _Willow_ _?” she asked carefully, the world rushing back._

_The redheaded witch’s face lit up, and tears began to roll down her face. “_ _Tara_ _?” she asked again, smiling this time in relief._

_“Willow…”_ _Tara_ _repeated, finally knowing that she was safe and sound with her love. Glory had ripped_ _Tara_ _’s sanity from her, sending_ _Tara_ _spiraling through chaos. And every moment_ _Tara_ _spent in that swirling void she had thought of only one thing – Willow. Willow-love._

_Willow_ _hadn’t given up either. Seeing_ _Tara_ _’s insanity had nearly killed her, and she suffered nearly as much as her lover had. But all of it – Dawn’s capture, Buffy’s retreat into her own mind,_ _Tara_ _looking at her without recognition – all of it spurred_ _Willow_ _on to win the fight against Glory. She would bring_ _Tara_ _back, no matter what. And now she had._ _Tara_ _was finally looking at_ _Willow_ _again and seeing who she was and how much she loved her._

_Tara swallowed as she gazed at Willow, still cradling her injured arm. “I got so lost…” the blonde witch said, her voice high and still fearful._

_Willow_ _was practically grinning in relief. “I found you!” She kissed_ _Tara_ _again and again, first on the lips and then moving to her cheek as she held the other girl tight. “I will always find you!”_

…

Willow sat silently on her bed, staring out the windows at the night sky. The bed she used to share with Tara. The windows that they both would look through. True, she had gotten her revenge, though she’d gone positively ape shit, but Xander had brought her back to being Willow. The Willow everybody knew and loved. Crayon break-y Willow, not scary vein-y Willow. Heartbroken Willow.

Nothing could dull her pain. Nothing could take away the utter hurt she felt. She had found Tara…then lost her…then finally found her again…then lost her to cruel fate. Willow wouldn’t rest until she’d found Tara again. And yet to find her, Willow’s body would have to rest. Forever.

Willow had already written the note. It lay folded at the end of her bed by her feet. She had bid them all goodbye, and wished them well. She had told Buffy how much of a friend she had been, expressed to Xander how much she’d cared for him her whole life, told Dawn to always smile. And of course, she told them all how much she’d love and miss them. But it had to be done.

Willow finally held the knife in front of her, tilting the blade so it reflected the moonlight. It was almost surreal how such a small thing could finally give her peace – grant her passage to the one she loved more than anything in all dimensions.

“I love you, Tara,” she whispered. “I will always find you.” And in two quick movements with a hand change in between, Willow had slashed her wrists.


	2. A Better Place...?

Buffy held Dawn as her younger sister sobbed into her shoulder. The Slayer was crying too, though not quite as hard. But her pain ran just as deep. Xander was still in shock, shaking his head as the tears streamed ceaselessly down his face. In his lap he cradled the lifeless body of Willow, eyes closed, a look of peace on her face.

“Why?” asked Dawn desperately through her sobs. “Why would she do this? WHY?”

Buffy shook her head, biting her lip. “I don’t know, Dawn. I really don’t know.” She gazed at the body of her best friend and cried harder. “Why does everyone I love have to die?” The three Scoobies sitting on the bed didn’t care that their clothes were soaked in the blood that had flowed from Willow’s wrists. All they knew was that their beloved friend was gone.

Buffy still couldn’t believe it. She remembered first seeing Willow – a geek in high school then, Cordelia taunting her because of her outfit. Buffy had walked up to Willow later that day to ask her something. “Why?” Willow had said suspiciously, then correcting herself. “I mean, hi!” They had been friends from that instant forward. Buffy remembered when Willow had cried to her about Xander when he was possessed by a hyena. She remembered Willow being nervous in her sexy Halloween costume and going as a ghost instead, then becoming one. She remembered the day that she and Willow had mochas together at the Espresso Pump the day after zombies had invaded Buffy’s “Welcome Home” party. And then there was the day Willow revealed to her that she wouldn’t be going to any of the big colleges but instead to Sunnydale University to stay close to Buffy. Willow had always been there for Buffy, and Buffy had tried to do the same. And now Willow was gone.

As a still-sobbing Dawn shifted in her sister’s lap, she heard the crinkle of paper under her feet. “Huh?” she said aloud, swallowing back tears as she picked up the paper and unfolded it. Her sobbing intensified. “It’s f-from W-Willow!” she cried as she fell back into her sister’s lap again. Buffy numbly took the letter from Dawn and handed it to Xander, unable to read it aloud her self. Xander trembled as he took the letter, swallowing as well before reading it aloud.

_My dear, dear friends,_

_You can’t imagine how hard it is to leave you all, but it’s something I have to do. The truth is, I can’t live without_ _Tara_ _, and I need to be with her…even if it means my death. This is the only way I can be with her again, and I need to go look for her. I promised her once that I would always find her. I plan to uphold that promise._

_I hope you all know that you’re the greatest things that ever happened to me. Buffy, you always knew what to say when I was feeling bad, and I totally deserved that slap after the car crash. And after that you took the time to help me out – even after I had endangered Dawn. You were really accepting of me and Tara, and you never gave up on me. You’re the best friend a girl could ever have._

_Xander, ever since we were in kindergarten I’ve thought you were great. You were my light when I was in the dark. I love you so much, and I owe you my life. If it weren’t for your love, the world would be over because of me. You too always had faith in me, and it touched my heart. Thank you beyond thank you._

_Hey, Dawnie. I know we didn’t spend a ton of time together, but know that I love you just as much. You’re the coolest kid in the Scoobie gang – yes, you are definitely a Scoobie. Just because you didn’t patrol with us doesn’t mean you weren’t a big help. You were, and I’m definitely thankful you’re with us. Take care of everyone, and remember to smile no matter what happens._

_Well, there’s not much else for me to say. Please punch Spike for me (after you tell him that I actually don’t hate him), and please yell at Anya for me too (after telling her I don’t hate her either). All my love to Giles. Without him, we’d have lost a lot of battles. I’ll never forget all the adventures we had – blowing up Sunnydale High and bursting into song for three days straight being among my favorites (yes, I have favorites). And Buffy, I should have said this long ago: I’m so, so sorry that I pulled you out of heaven. I know now that it was pretty selfish…and it was really awful of me to have left you in your coffin. I hope you can forgive me for that and for putting Dawn in danger. Dawn, I hope you can forgive me for that too.  I don’t want to go out with a guilty conscience._

_A very fond goodbye, guys. Life’s been great with you all (despite everything), but now it’s time for me to find_ _Tara_ _again. Please bury me next to her – as close as you can. I want to be with her in every dimension. See you all in heaven!_

_Much love,  
_ _Willow_

“Oh, Willow,” Buffy said when Xander was done reading. “I forgave you long ago. There’s nothing to forgive! I feel like you should be forgiving me!”

“I forgave her for that crash too,” Dawn said, her voice muffled by Buffy’s shirt. “She never would have hurt me on purpose! She never really wanted to hurt anyone!”

Xander sat in utter silence, the letter limp in his hands. He remembered vividly the day that Willow had broken through her black magic self and fell sobbing into his arms. He remembered the “clothing fluke” when he and Willow had kissed. So many memories of a smiling, happy Willow flooded his mind, but all he could see before him was her dead body and the beautiful face that would never smile again.

“Oh, God, Willow. If I’d’ve known I’d have to live without you I might have let you destroy the world.”

“Don’t say that, Xander,” Buffy said quietly. “Willow’s in a better place now – with Tara. They’re probably both where I was – in heaven. They’ll be happy there together. Forever. And…” Buffy choked. “That’s the best I can wish her.

There was yet another silence, the only sounds being Dawn’s racking sobs and the sniffling and gulping of Buffy and Xander. “What do we do now?” Dawn finally asked. “What are we going to do without her?”

“We…we should call Giles first. Let him know that…what happened. He’ll want to be here for…” Tears rolled anew down Buffy’s face. “…The funeral.”

“Buffy?” Xander asked suddenly, trembling all over. “Can I stop being an adult now?”

“Only if I can too,” Buffy replied, knowing what he meant.

The two of them nodded at each, then they both allowed themselves to sob as hard as Dawn was. For a long time the three of them sat by Willow’s body, mourning a loss more terrible than they could have ever imagined.

…

Willow spun around in circles as she was shot through a vortex at a dizzying speed. Unable to look at what was around her without her eyes burning, she squeezed them shut and held her arms against her chest. _I’m coming,_ _Tara_ _!_ Willow thought giddily. _I’m coming!_

She landed with a jolt, crashing to a stone floor and scattering chunks of stone. Startled, she looked around her, confused. She was in a sort of cell – no, more of a room, though the open doorframe looked menacing. Gray shafts of light streamed in from jagged cracks in the stone walls and ceiling, and the chunks by her feet had obviously come from the craters now pitted in the rock. Huge hairy black spiders crawled up the walls and around the ceiling, some hanging from large webs while rats scuttled about the floor. Growing more fearful by the minute, Willow slowly got to her feet.

“Wha…where am I?”


	3. Aftermath and Dreaming

Back in the realm Buffy called heaven, a figure in an emerald and gold dress watched helplessly down on the real world. The figure had been so happy in heaven, knowing that things would turn out all right in the end. Except they didn’t.

Tears streamed from deep blue eyes as the figure ran its hands through long blond hair. That figure was Tara, and she was watching Willow write her suicide note.

“No, no, no!” Tara kept sobbing. “Willow, no!” She wished she could travel back to Earth for just moment and keep Willow from killing herself. But all Tara could do was watch helplessly as her lover folded the note and placed it at the end of the bed, picking up a long knife from the nightstand.

“I love you, Tara,” she heard Willow distantly say. “I will always find you.”

“No! WILLOW!!!” Tara screamed in agony as she watched the redhead draw two lines down her arms, blood flowing from the cuts instantly. Tara recalled how many times she had rubbed those arms when Willow was upset and needed comfort, or even just when the two of them lay together after a happy day. She couldn’t bear to look at the blood pouring from them to stain the sheets on the bed she had shared with Willow. It was to her as if every memory that bed held was now being drenched in crimson, tainted and stained forever.

Tearing her eyes from the steady flow of blood, Tara looked back into her lover’s face. Willow had gently laid her head back on her pillow, and Tara could see that she was smiling as she closed her eyes. “See you…soon, Tara…” the girl whispered, her energy running out of her in deep red rivulets. “See…you…soon.” And then Willow took her last breath, her head lolling to the side as her spirit left her.

_“NO!!!”_

Almost every soul in the heavenly realm could hear Tara’s shout of pure anguish, but Tara didn’t care. Willow Rosenberg had just killed herself so she could be with her, Tara Maclay. And Tara knew, because it wasn’t a natural death, Willow wouldn’t make it to the peaceful sanctuary to be with her. Willow would go straight to the Hell reserved for suicides. It was only hours, but Tara wept for what she felt was an eternity.

…

The next day Tara looked on as Buffy, Dawn, and Xander all sobbed over Willow’s body. She felt numb…like nothing would truly be right again. Dawn kept asking why, shouting a question only Willow could answer.

“Oh, sweetie,” Tara murmured, reaching out to the girl she could not touch. “I wish I knew.” Technically Tara did know – Willow had wanted to be with her more than anything. But why she had chosen to take her life and make the trip sooner, Tara had no idea. She could only watch as her three friends read Willow’s letter and cried harder.

Xander was the first to leave the room, presumably to call Giles. Buffy and Dawn sat there by the body in silence, Buffy reaching out once to touch her friend’s bloody hand.

“I…” Buffy started. “I once told her ‘love makes you do the wacky.’ I never imagined it would be this wacky.”

Dawn choked on a sob. “I thought she was happy! I thought she liked it here with us!”

“Oh, Dawnie.” Buffy put a hand on her sister’s shoulder. “It’s not that she didn’t like it here with us. She said in…in her letter. She said she loved us, but that this was…oh God.” Buffy buried her head in her hands. “Something she felt she had to do.”

Xander walked back into the room at this point. “Giles is on his way. He’s taking the first flight out of England that he can.” He looked once again at Willow’s body. “We should…we should call a coroner…” he stumbled over the words, not wanting to say them. Buffy nodded, biting her lip to stop more tears.

Tara couldn’t watch anymore. She turned away from her view of Earth and back to her little piece of paradise. But it had never truly been Utopia without Willow, and now that Willow was in Hell…

“I’ve got to get to her. But…how?” She had an idea, however roundabout a route it was. Now all she needed was a prayer that the Powers That Be still watched over her.

…

The rest of the day was a silent one for the Scoobies. The coroners had come ten minutes after Buffy had made the call, and Xander decided to be the one to accompany Willow’s body to the morgue. When he and the coroners had gone, Buffy and Dawn took the task of balling up the quilt and sheets and tossing them into a garbage bags. Not knowing what to do with the mattress yet, they left it for the moment and began to box Willow’s possessions instead.

“I think she should be buried in this,” Dawn said, holding up a pink outfit with a silky overcoat. “It’s the one she wore that day Tara sang her ballad. Tara was buried in the dress she wore that day, so I think Willow should be too.”

Buffy turned to her little sister and smiled sadly. “How do you remember stuff like that?”

Dawn shrugged. “I dunno. I just do.

No one had lunch that day, or dinner. Instead the three moved around the house like zombies, not caring much about their actions. Buffy wished she could go out and pummel something to get revenge, but how could she get revenge on a suicide?

Still, Buffy did go out that night, walking through the graveyard without much purpose, loosely holding a stake in her hand. She didn’t even look up when Spike practically appeared out of thin air and stood in front of her.

“Well hello to you too,” he said as she stopped and looked at him resignedly. “What, is the world ending again?”

“Spike, you always know precisely the worst time to use that sort of humor,” Buffy replied, though she was too weary to use her usual biting tone. Spike noticed this and raised an eyebrow.

“Enlighten me, why don’t you.”

“Willow’s dead.” Buffy knew if she didn’t say the words quickly she’d never be able to say them at all.

Spike, expecting anything but news like that, stood in utter shock. “Wha…Willow…” he frowned. “How?”

“She killed herself,” Buffy explained, looking down at the ground. “She wanted to be with Tara, so she slit her wrists.”

Spike said nothing, but just looked at Buffy with no apparent expression. After at least two minutes he sighed and looked at the ground as well. “Love makes you do funny things, it does,” the vampire said, shoving his hands in his coat pockets. “I would’ve staked myself if you and your mates hadn’t stopped me.”

“And do you regret that?” Buffy asked, venom creeping into her voice.

Spike thought a moment and shrugged. “No. ‘Cause then I got hooked on you.”

“Oh God, _Spike_!” Buffy ran her hands through her hair. “My best friend just killed herself over love, and you stand here acting like it’s something you can just switch around at the drop of a hat! Love is more than that, and I’m beginning to regret _not_ letting you stake yourself!”

“Ouch,” Spike replied, but without much conviction. When Buffy didn’t react or respond, he moved a little closer to her. “Listen. Willow made a choice. It was a bloody stupid one, but it was her choice. Wasn’t anything you could do about it. She…she was a good girl. I’ll give her that. Had her bad points, but she was a good one. The question really is, now that she’s gone, what’re you going to do?”

Buffy didn’t answer, and instead began to cry. Spike was startled by her reaction, but tentatively reached out and hugged her. His unbeating heart went out to the girl as he recalled how much she’d lost, and for the first time, he truly cared for her as opposed to his usual lust. Not knowing what else he could really do, he just held her until her tears passed.

…

“Dawn…Dawnie…”

Dawn didn’t open her eyes. She didn’t have to.

It was three in the morning, and Dawn had been having nightmares about watching a dark Willow slitting her own throat when she the voice came. She suddenly found herself in a new dream, looking around a dark room.

“Dawnie, I’m here.”

Dawn turned and gasped. Before her floated a translucent Tara, a look of concern written on her face. She was wearing the emerald and gold dress she had been buried in – the one she had worn when she sang her ballad to Willow on the second day Sunnydale had been overtaken by song.

“T-Tara?” Dawn asked cautiously, taking a step forward.

Tara smiled sadly. “Yes, sweetie, it’s me.”

“Oh Tara! It’s so good to see you.” Dawn cried, running towards the woman. She was halfway there when she was stopped by some invisible barrier.

“I can’t touch you, Dawn. I’m sorry,” Tara said mournfully, shaking her head.

“But…then…why are you here? In my dream?”

“I’m here because I need your help.”

“My help?” Dawn asked, confused. “Why me? Why not Buffy, or Xander, or –”

“Because you have magical potential,” Tara explained, cutting the girl off. “You cast that spell to try and bring your mother back, and being the key at one point left a magical residue inside you. You’re the only one who can help.”

Dawn nodded slowly. “Ok, but, why do you need my help?”

A look of pain crossed Tara’s face. “It’s Willow. She…she didn’t join me in heaven.”

“What?!” Dawn cried. “Why?!”

“It’s because she committed suicide,” Tara said mournfully. “Her mistakes with black magic were forgiven of course – that’s the nature of the Powers That Be. But the Powers That Be cannot change the fact that people who commit suicide go to Hell…and that’s what Willow did.”

“How…how do I – I mean, we – how do we get her out?”

“That’s why I need your help. I need you to research what level of Hell she might be on.”

“Hell has levels?” Dawn gulped. Tara nodded.

“Yes, they’re listed in Dante’s _Inferno_. That might have information on where Willow is, but I need you to research what she needs to do to get to the heaven I’m in now. Once you find out where she is, I’ll need you to perform a speaking spell.”

“How does a speaking spell work?”

“It’s like a three-way conversation you’d have on the phone. The caster – you – is the link between the two people speaking. It’s used when two people can’t get to each other any other way, and it can travel across realms when the speakers can’t.”

“So I’ll be here on Earth connecting you and Willow? Will I get to say hello?” Dawn asked hopefully.

Tara gave a hint of a smile. “Yes, you will. I have to warn you though – the spell takes a lot of energy.”

“I’ll do it. I’m ready,” Dawn said firmly. “Um, how come you can’t do your little Tinkerbell spell?”

Tara smiled again. “That only works when Willow and I are on the same realm, sweetie.”

“But, can’t you, y’know, tinker with Tinkerbell?”

_“I taught you tiny Tinkerbell lights,” Tara said as she and Willow walked through the shell of Sunnydale High, now guided by a light Willow had conjured as bright as any fluorescent light bulb._

_“Ok, so I tinkered with Tinkerbell,” Willow admitted, smiling sheepishly at Tara. Tara couldn’t help but smile back._

“Tara?” Dawn asked, shaking the spirit out of her reverie.

“No, I can’t. You know, Willow used that phrase once…‘tinker with Tinkerbell’…” Tara said the last bit more to herself, looking off into some distance. She needed to hear it aloud, perhaps to strengthen her memory.

Dawn didn’t say anything, merely shifted from dream-foot to dream-foot. Tara finally looked back her.

“Dawnie, this is really important. Willow’s got to get out of Hell. I can’t just leave her there…I’ll never feel like I’m truly in heaven knowing she’s suffering.”

Dawn gulped again. “I’ll do whatever it takes.”

“Thank you,” Tara said as she began to fade away. “Oh, and Dawn?”

“Yeah?”

Tara smiled a genuine smile. “Tell Buffy that heaven is just as beautiful and peaceful as she described. And tell her I’m sorry for taking her from it.”

Then Tara disappeared in a wisp of smoke as Dawn woke up.


	4. Reunions

Giles knocked on Buffy’s door at ten o’clock the day after Willow’s suicide, and the Slayer hugged her Watcher like the end of the world would happen any second. They both knew it wouldn’t though – the end of the world already seemed to have happened. It was a very quiet Buffy who left for work that afternoon. Dawn, having nothing to do at all, instantly got Giles’ permission to look through all the books he’d brought with him. When Buffy came home that early that evening from the Doublemeat Palace (she’d been “mercifully allowed” some time off), Dawn was in the living room surrounded by books that she’d taken the liberty of snatching from the trunk of Giles’ car. The Watcher himself had his forehead resting on the kitchen table.

“And you can’t be this diligent about your homework because?” Buffy asked as she watched her sister puzzle over the many texts.

“Tara wanted me to do this,” Dawn replied without looking up from what she was reading. Giles did look up however, and he and Buffy shot each other quizzical glances.

“You want to run that by me again?”

Dawn looked up at her sister. “Last night I was dreaming of watching Willow kill herself when Tara showed up and talked to me. She told me that Willow hadn’t made it to heaven because she’d committed suicide, and she wants me to do some reading to see what part of Hell Willow is in and then do a speaking spell with her so they can talk.”

“Honey, that’s why they call it a dream – it isn’t _real_.”

“Actually,” Giles said, frowning and resting his chin in one hand. “That’s entirely possible.” When both Dawn and Buffy looked at him he explained, “It’s possible for someone who resides in heaven to make contact with someone on Earth through a dream or a vision, if the Powers That Be are on his or her side. Seeing as Tara never performed any black magic and was so pure of spirit, I can see how the Powers might allow her to contact you.”

“But why _Dawn_?” Buffy asked incredulously.

“Tara said it was because I have residual magic left over from when I was the key,” Dawn said, ignoring her sister’s disbelief. “Oh, and by the way, she said to tell you that heaven is just as wonderful as you described and that she’s sorry she pulled you out of it.” Dawn said the last bit with a twinge of sympathy in her voice. Buffy was silent for a long time. When she finally spoke, her voice was quiet.

“When you see her again, please tell her I forgive her.”

Dawn nodded, then got back to work. After a moment, Buffy plunked onto the floor beside her and picked up a book. “So you’re trying to figure out where Willow is in Hell and how to get her out?”

“Yup,” Dawn replied as she traced some lines on a page with her finger.

“I’m in.” The Slayer opened the book and began to pore over the text.

…

It was an hour before either of the girls found anything (Giles was still sitting remorsefully at the kitchen table), and it was Dawn who found it first. “Here!” she cried, pointing at a map she’d found in a book describing every aspect of Hell ever recorded. Giles hauled himself from his chair and Buffy moved closer to see what the girl had discovered. On the page was a 1980 map of the Hell described in Dante’s _The Inferno_. “Willow’s somewhere between Limbo and Circle Nine, which is treachery.”

“It looks like an upside-down stack of pancakes with hair on the bottom,” the Slayer remarked. Dawn rolled her eyes and looked back at the map.

“Right there,” she finally said, pointing at a spot one-third of the way down the map. “Level two of Circle Seven, which is for violence. Level two is for ‘violence against themselves,’ which includes suicides.” She reached into her pocket and whipped out a highlighter.

“Don’t even think about it,” Giles said as menacingly as his kind nature allowed him to.

“Here,” Buffy offered. “I’ll go take it to the library and copy it.”

“I should probably start looking up how speaking spells work,” Dawn said as she shoved one pile of books aside and pulled another toward her.

“And I’ll just go back to thinking useless thoughts,” Giles finished wearily, moving back to the table.

Buffy walked out the door just in time to hold it open for Xander, who held in his hands a box of donuts and four steaming cups from the Espresso Pump. Buffy let Xander know where she was going and said she’d have her coffee when she got back. Xander had gotten Dawn hot chocolate, of course. “Research party?” Xander asked. Dawn filled him in on what Tara had said. When she was finished, Xander sat on the couch in stunned silence. “I think I’ll just eat a donut,” he finally said.

Dawn could understand this. It was probably a big hit to Xander, learning that his best friend had landed herself in Hell. The look on his face and his utter depression was enough to spur Dawn into extreme research mode. Taking the initiative, Giles finally sat on the floor to join her.

Buffy returned soon with the copy of the map for Dawn, and then joined Giles and her sister in their spell search. Xander still sat slumped on the couch, having taken maybe half a sip of his rapidly cooling coffee. He finally opened the donut box and took out a cruller and a donut. He sighed, remembering one of the “singing days” the Scoobies had spent together. Trying to cheer himself up, he pulled the same joke. “‘Respect the cruller. And tame the donut.’”

“That’s still funny, sweetie,” came a familiar voice from the doorway, finishing the long-ago set of dialogue. The four Scoobies whipped their heads up in shock. In the door stood a very nervous looking Anya, wringing her hands to the point that she looked like she was trying to unscrew them at the wrists. No one had heard her come in – they were too engrossed in what they were doing. After a moment of stunned silence and dropped jaws, Buffy clumsily hauled herself up from the floor.

“I just remembered, I think I have an old book of Willow’s up in my room that could help.” As she bolted for the stairs, Giles quickly stood up.

“Maybe I should help you look for it,” he said unconvincingly as he followed.

“Or it could be in my room!” Dawn added, also scrambling to her feet.

Dawn, Buffy, and Giles raced up the stairs like lightning, and Xander and Anya could hear one of the doors slam as the two ex-lovers were left alone. After a long, tense moment, Xander finally stood up, sticking his hands casually in his pockets and trying to put on a nonchalant expression. “Hi, Anya,” he said, not quite able to keep the nervousness from his voice.

“Hey, Xander,” Anya replied, biting her lip. After another dead silence, Anya finally spoke again, still wringing her hands. “I…I heard about Willow,” she said carefully. Xander flinched but said nothing as Anya slowly walked towards him. “I just…wanted to come and…and say how sorry I am…that it happened.”

This time Xander raised his eyebrows. “You care?”

It was Anya’s turn to flinch. “Willow was a really good person, and more importantly, my friend. Of course I care.” Her eyes were beginning to tear up.

“I see. If you care so much about her, and possibly all of us, why is it you went back to being a vengeance demon, huh?”

“Xander, I wanted to hurt you at the time,”

“Congratulations, you did. And it still hurts, trust me.” Xander ran his hands through his hair, trying not to shake from anger. “You think that watching you have sex with Spike will leave my mind so fast?” Anya stood stunned as Xander sighed and stuck his hands back in his pockets. “Look…part of me understands why you did it. You hurt as much as I did – maybe even more. But I didn’t go out and boink the first moving thing I saw – you did.”

“Xander,” Anya protested, trying to unscrew her hands again. “I was drunk, I – ”

Xander spread his hands. “Hey, I got drunk all the time after you left.”

“Oh, _I’m_ the one who left now?” Anya asked angrily.

“Fine, after the two of us left each other. But I stayed faithful, hoping that you would come back.”

“Xander, please,” Anya’s eyes were starting to water. “I wanted to hurt you, yes, but I didn’t…I didn’t realize how much pain I could cause without even needing my demon powers. I was going for physical pain…I never, _ever_ wanted to make you hurt like that. I thought if you felt enough pain you might regret leaving me – I mean, us having left each other.”

“That was your master plan? To torture me until I gave in?!”

“No! Xander, I…” Giving up, Anya turned to face the living room, not wanting Xander to see her cry. Xander put his hands back in his pockets yet again as he sighed angrily, turning towards the dining room. After a long, long pause, he heard his ex-fiancée say softly, “I gave up my powers.”

Xander snapped around. “What?”

“I asked D’Hoffryn to take my powers away, and he did. Now that…now that I know how much it hurts to leave someone you love, and how much more it hurts yourself to actually hurt that other person, I decided I never want to hurt anyone again.”

“And what, that’s supposed to redeem you in my eyes?”

“I don’t know what it’s supposed to do. What _I’m_ supposed to do. I just know that hurting you made me feel so horrible. It’s like a sort of plague, only on the inside,” the ex-demon said, struggling for the right explanation. She finally turned to face Xander, and he could see that her face was streaked with tears. “God, Xander, you can’t even imagine how sorry I am. I still can’t believe I did what I did, and I was so stupid – ”

“You got that right,” Xander interrupted snappishly, though he was actually trying to hide his own regret. Despite what Anya had done, he could see now that she really did love him – really did care about him. Cared so much that she’d given up her power to cause pain to anyone ever again.

At Xander’s harsh retort, Anya muffled a sob behind her hands. “Please, Xander…oh God, I’m so sorry. I know apologizing won’t do much, because of that whole ‘actions speak louder than words’ human philosophy, but could you please, please, _please_ give me another chance?” she pleaded.

The silence between them was so thick that it was nearly visible. When Xander finally spoke, his words were soft and quiet. “Only if you’ll give me one.” Anya’s hands dropped away from her face as she looked at Xander in shock. He took a few steps toward her. “Buffy was right,” he continued. “Love really does make you ‘do the wacky.’ And if you give me a chance, Of course I’ll give you one. Let’s just…let’s just try again, maybe? Start things over?”

“And keep the marriage out of the question?” Anya asked with a sniff, smiling slightly. Xander smiled back.

“Yeah. That would be good.” And so the two finally embraced each other, Anya crying into Xander’s shoulder as he held her tight, rubbing her back as she whispered “I’m sorry” over and over again. Behind them, Dawn, Giles, and Buffy all watched from the top of the stairs.

“Think it’s safe to go back now?” Buffy asked.

“Let’s give ‘em a minute,” said Dawn. “I think they need a little quality hug time.” And so the three of them quietly moved back from the stairwell, leaving Anya and Xander to share time in peace.

…

Willow sat huddled in a ball in the dank room she had landed in when she was swept into Hell. She’d looked out the doorframe once, but the site of scattered bones and a crumbling, dead city all in hues of gray sent her shuddering back inside. She whimpered as one of the hairy spiders crept down her shoulder and crawled over her knee. She shut her eyes tight and tried not to cry. _Oh Tara_ , she thought. _I fucked this all up_.

…

Giles stayed at Buffy’s house that night, and Anya (surprisingly enough) stayed with Xander at his (once their) apartment. While Buffy and Giles had a long talk in the kitchen, Dawn sat in her room preparing the spell. She had drawn a large white pentagram in the center of her floor with sand, placing a candle at each point. She had made the oil she needed and drew a crescent moon on her forehead (positioned so it looked like a bowl) and one on the back of each hand so that the curves turned inward when she held her hands out palm down. After carefully lighting each candle, Dawn sat down and faced the topmost point of the pentagram (so as not to do black magic) and picked up the items she needed. In her right hand (the side which would connect to heaven) she held one of Tara’s old bracelets while in her left (the side which would connect to Hell) she held a small statuette Willow used to have on her nightstand. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and spoke the words of the ritual.

“Freely to the Powers That Be  
I offer my blood as your essence  
Freely to the Powers That Be  
I offer my body as your conductor  
Freely to the Powers That Be  
I offer my soul as your sacrifice  
Accept all I give  
And grant me the power to bring two spirits  
Into one realm.” 

Dawn held her right arm straight out to the side. “Tara!” she cried. A golden thread of light circled the bracelet and shot down to Dawn’s shoulder. She held her left arm straight out to the other side so her sitting body formed a sort of cross. “Willow!” Another golden thread enveloped the statuette and shot down to Dawn’s other shoulder. Slowly the two lights wrapped around Dawn’s entire chest until they finally traveled up her neck and slid into her mind.

…

Dawn found herself sitting in the same darkened room where she had first met Tara in her dream. The bright cords still wrapped around her, but on her left she was holding Tara as if on a leash, the end of the rope wrapped around the blonde’s waist. Tara smiled. “You did it, Dawn.” Dawn then looked to her left and saw that she was holding Willow on a similar leash. The redhead looked shocked and confused as she looked at her surroundings.

“Willow!” Dawn cried out, overjoyed to see her friend. Willow looked up and jumped in surprise.

“Dawn…how?”

“It’s a speaking spell, sweetie,” Tara said, looking longingly at her love. “It’s the only way we can talk to each other.”

Willow turned, and the instant she saw Tara she began to sob. “Tara? Baby?” She held out her arms in vain to try and embrace her. Tara smiled sadly, a tear running down her own cheek.

“Yes, Willow, it’s me. Oh, darling, why did you do it? Why did you kill yourself?”

“I had to find you,” Willow explained, still crying. “I had to be with you. Remember I promised you? I said I would always find you.”

“And I would have waited as long as I needed to for you to find me,” Tara said.

“But I was in so much pain,” Willow replied, crying harder. “I…I couldn’t wait. I had to be with you. I can’t live without you, Tara! But why aren’t we together? Oh baby, why are we still apart?”

Tara’s tears were too beginning to grow steadier. “Willow…suicides don’t go to heaven. Suicides always go to Hell. Had you died naturally, the Powers That Be would have brought us together. Because you killed yourself, they had no control, and you were forced into Hell.”

“Where…where in Hell?” Willow asked, her eyes widening in utter terror. Hell? She had landed herself in Hell?

“You’re in level two of Circle Seven,” Dawn piped up. “It’s the level for ‘violent against themselves,’ and suicide falls in that category.”

Tara winced at the high number. “Dawn, do you know how far Willow would have to go to get out?”

Dawn thought for a moment, trying to recall the map. “Well, Limbo is Circle One, and above that is Neutrals, and above that Ante-Hell. But something called Acheron is in between Neutrals and Limbo.”

“Acheron is one of the rivers of Hell, and the ferryman Charon takes souls across it,” Tara explained, beginning to remember things she’d learned before. “Neutrals is the first level of suffering, but it’s the place where the people who were neither good nor evil – ‘the opportunists’ – are put. I don’t know how far I can go beyond the Gates of Hell, if I can even get through them at all, but I know that I can’t cross Acheron. As far as I know, souls in heaven can’t get into the Circles.” Tara turned to Dawn. “I’m going to need you to do more research. I’m going to need to know what Willow has to get past in order to get to Acheron, cross, and then get to the Gates. There are also two other rivers she’s going to have to cross. I can’t remember the name of one, but the other is The Styx.”

“The Styx?” Willow asked fearfully. “As in The Styx from Homer’s _The Odyssey_?”

Tara nodded, then continued. “I’m also going to need to know how far I can get into Hell and whether or not it’s possible for me to make it to the edge of Acheron. I hate to put so much on you, Dawn, but I really do need your help.”

“Hey, I want Willow out of Hell as much as you do,” Dawn replied. She was starting to sweat, and she could feel her energy slowly being drained. “I’ll do everything and anything you want me too.”

Willow smiled, though she was still crying out of fear and longing. “Thanks, Dawnie. You really are an angel.”

Dawn smiled at her. “Hey, I may be really pissed at you for leaving us, but I want you to be at peace with Tara for all eternity.”

“God, I’m so sorry I left you and the others, Dawn,” Willow said, her smile disappearing. “But I had to do it.”

Dawn nodded. “I know,” she said softly, understanding completely.

“Willow…” Tara said, causing the redhead to turn to her. “The truth is…I felt like I was still dying over and over again, waiting for you. I…I almost wished once that you would die so we could be together. It was so selfish of me…” She cried a little harder.

“Oh baby,” Willow said, reaching out to Tara again, filled with desire. “I wished so much that I would die too, and I finally took matters into my own hands. I can see now though that it was kinda stupid,” she added with a small, sad, smile.

Tara choked out a sad half-laugh-half-sob of her own. “Maybe just a little.” She gazed into her lover’s eyes; wishing she could cross the distance between them and embrace Willow, kiss her over and over again… “We’ll be together. We _will_. We’ll figure out a way to get you out of Hell and into my arms. I’m not giving up, Willow. You will be free of that place. I promise. And if I have to go down there just to be with you, I will.”

“You wouldn’t like it,” Willow said humorlessly. “There are spiders and rats. I wouldn’t wish them on you.”

“Oh darling!” Tara cried, truly sobbing now. “Oh God, I can’t stand to think of you being there! You _will_ be in heaven with me! You _have_ to be!”

“Tara, I’m running out of energy!” Dawn said suddenly. It was true – sweat was trickling steadily down her forehead and her breathing was labored.

“We can’t let Dawn wear herself out,” Tara said regretfully, biting her lip. She turned to the young girl still holding tightly to their bonds. “We owe you so much, sweetie. And we love you. If you ever wish to speak to me, just cast the speaking spell with the alternate incantation. You won’t be able to reach Willow singly though because she’s…” Tara swallowed. “Because she’s in Hell. Any time you want to talk to me, ok?” Dawn just nodded, not quite able to say anything else.

Willow nodded, also regretful and extremely reluctant to leave. “I love you, Tara,” she said meaningfully. “I love you so much.”

“Oh, Willow. I love you too. And remember, always remember, I’m yours. Forever yours.”

The two lovers reached out to each other one last time before the connection snapped and Dawn reeled back into reality. She fell backwards as all the candles extinguished themselves simultaneously. The pentagram was gone, and only wisps of smoke in a star-like pattern gave evidence that it ever existed. Dawn lay panting on the rug for a long time before her breathing regulated. “Oh yeah,” she said aloud. “I’ve got a lotta work to do.”


	5. "Any Dream Will Do"

Still reeling after her conversation with Dawn and Tara, Willow sat reeling on the floor of her tiny cell. Her body ached with longing and need. The sight of her beloved made her want to reach out and hold Tara tightly…kiss her fiercely and possessively…feel every crevice of her body…nuzzle every inch of skin…taste her…penetrate her…make her cry Willow’s name as she climaxed…

Willow was jolted out of her fantasy by a spider crawling down the side of her face, and she whimpered as it crawled down her chest. _Only_ Tara _is allowed to touch me_ there _,_ she thought angrily, then bit her lip to stop tears as the memory of her lover reaching for her resurfaced in her mind.

Willow knew that if she was going to have to find some way to keep herself sane for as long as she was trapped in Hell, but she couldn’t think of how. All she had was her wits to help her out, and she couldn’t think of anything that would. _Hang on_ , she thought suddenly. _Think…memories…_ _Tara_ _._ She almost laughed aloud. _All I have to do is dream about_ _Tara_ _. “Any dream will do,”_ she sang inwardly to herself, recalling the line from the musical _Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat_. She was Jewish, true, but she had enjoyed the musical nonetheless. Her dream wasn’t hard to pick, either. She remembered the night she had brought the candle into Tara’s room, confessing how much she loved her. “And I’m going to make it up to you,” she had said. “Starting right now.” Tara had smiled and blown out the flame. And when the room had gone dark, they had made love for the first time…

“ _I love you so much,_ _Willow_ _,”_ _Tara_ _whispered into her girlfriend’s shoulder as she held her. She had put the extinguished candle on her nightstand and had moved to embrace the one person who meant everything to her._

_“I love you too,_ _Tara_ _,”_ _Willow_ _had replied, nuzzling her face into the blonde girl’s neck. She kissed her there once, gently, then slowly proceeded to kiss her jaw line, then finally made it to her lips._

_Tara_ _sighed as she felt_ _Willow_ _’s lips blissfully press against hers. She drew the redhead closer to her so that their bodies pressed firmly against each other. Their lips moved together as they kissed over and over again. “_ _Willow_ _?”_ _Tara_ _asked when they broke away, resting their foreheads together._

_“Yes, baby?”_

_Tara_ _’s heart fluttered in her chest. She loved it when Willow called her ‘baby’ or ‘darling’, and it made her next words a little easier to say. “I…I don’t know about you, but…I think I’m r-ready.”_

_Willow_ _took a deep breath. The two of them had talked about lovemaking before – when they might be ready for it, how long they should wait before making the decision._ _Willow_ _had wanted too so much, but she knew_ _Tara_ _was nervous, and she was nervous herself. Was_ _Tara_ _really saying she wanted to?_ _Willow_ _detected the stutter in the last word she’d said._

_“_ _Tara_ _, you don’t have to just for my sake.”_

_“But I want to,”_ _Tara_ _insisted. “The stutter was just a scared stutter.”_

_“Really?”_ _Willow_ _asked, filling with love for her girlfriend._

_“Well, yes, I mean, I’m kinda nervous, and – ”_

_“No, I mean, you really wanna…make love with me?”_

_Tara_ _stared deep into_ _Willow_ _’s eyes and nodded resolutely. “But only if you’re ready,” she added, not wanting to feel like she was pressuring her beloved._

_Willow_ _smiled with such happiness that it made_ _Tara_ _want to melt. “I’m ready.”_

_Their kiss was tentative at first, but caution soon left the scene as they pressed closer together. Knowing that they would possibly collapse if they didn’t do something soon,_ _Willow_ _and_ _Tara_ _kicked off their shoes and stumbled backwards until they crashed onto the bed, their kiss having progressed to a frantic dueling of tongues. When the roaming of hands began however, the two pulled away for a moment to look at each other breathlessly._

_“Um, Willow…how do we do this?”_ _Tara_ _asked her girlfriend._

_To some it may have sounded like a stupid question, but_ _Willow_ _had been wondering the same thing herself. “Well,” the redhead began after thinking for a moment. “I think this is where we just…let go. We go as far as we’ve gone before, and then just…keep going. Take the plunge. Let ourselves go.  No thought, just love.”_

_“I’d say we have more than ‘just love,’”_ _Tara_ _said with a wry smile, running her hand down_ _Willow_ _’s arm._

_“Mmm,”_ _Willow_ _sighed in pleasure. “I think we do too.”_

_“Well then, let’s ‘take the plunge,’”_ _Tara_ _finished, giggling nervously, trying to lighten the tension that both girls felt._ _Willow_ _sensed this and drew the blonde closer._

_“Together,” she murmured into_ _Tara_ _’s ear before the two moved into a passionate kiss again._

_The witches clung desperately to each other as they continued to make out. Their legs became entwined as hands frantically roamed over bodies, feeling as much as possible through their clothing. Tara gasped in the kiss when Willow massaged one of her breasts, and the redhead moaned in return when_ _Tara_ _caressed the small of her back. Taking the next step,_ _Willow_ _carefully began to pull_ _Tara_ _’s shirt up over her body, not wanting to rush her._ _Tara_ _, it seemed, wanted to be rushed, and she helped_ _Willow_ _rip off the material and toss it aside. Then, without further ado, she gently guided_ _Willow_ _’s shirt from her back, tossing that over the edge of the bed as well. Then the two girls dove back into the swells of passion._

_Willow_ _shivered in pleasure as_ _Tara_ _gently kneaded her back with her knuckles. The redhead gently kissed down_ _Tara_ _’s neck before sucking gently at the spot where neck and shoulder met, rolling her girlfriend over so that she was on her back. Tara gasped again when Willow began to trail kisses down her chest, stopping a hair’s breadth away from her bra. Slowly and sensually, the girl reached under her lover, undid her bra clasp, and slid the undergarment down_ _Tara_ _’s arms, ridding her of it quickly._ _Tara_ _thought this would have been scary, but no. Lying beneath_ _Willow_ _with her breasts exposed did not make her feel vulnerable, but instead comfortable. She knew that she was safe with_ _Willow_ _, and that nothing could ever hurt her._

_As for_ _Willow_ _, she nearly wept at the sight of the beautiful angel that lay before her. Sweet, soft skin, beautiful, perfect breasts. Fearlessly the girl took one of the tender nipples in her mouth and suckled it gently, savoring the feel and taste of it on her tongue. Tara threw her head back in pleasure, the feel of_ _Willow_ _’s warm mouth sending her spiraling deeper into ecstasy. The feeling grew even greater when_ _Willow_ _moved to her other breast, wanting to taste even more. With growing desire,_ _Tara_ _reached around her girlfriend’s back and deftly undid the bra clasp. Before_ _Willow_ _knew it, her bra had been discarded and_ _Tara_ _was pulling her down so that her breasts were right over the blonde’s mouth. It was_ _Willow_ _’s turn to inhale sharply as her nipples were lovingly caressed by_ _Tara_ _’s tongue. She whimpered in sweet agony while her lover sighed in content, reveling in the feel of the girl on top of her. When_ _Tara_ _had finished both of_ _Willow_ _’s breasts, she pulled the girl into a fiery kiss, rolling her over so they lay on their sides again._

_No words were needed. The two witches knew what they wanted._

_Breasts met as the bodies of the two girls became interlocked, passion radiating from them almost to the point where they glowed._ _Tara_ _didn’t protest when_ _Willow_ _yanked at her skirt, but instead helped her remove it and toss it aside. The blonde trembled with love and pleasure as_ _Willow_ _drew a hand up her thigh, coming so close to her center, but not quite yet. Both girls wanted to make it last. Soon it was_ _Tara_ _tugging at_ _Willow_ _’s pants, and the redhead gratefully assisted in removing them from the picture._ _Willow_ _reached around to_ _Tara_ _’s ass and pushed the two of them together so that their hips met. Both girls moaned at the feel of their centers just touching each other. Wetness was already beginning to soak both pairs of underwear. Their need for each other becoming more and more frantic,_ _Willow_ _and_ _Tara_ _rid each other of their underwear without even fully realizing that they did. Hands roamed lower and lower, and_ _Willow_ _cried out when_ _Tara_ _’s fingers brushed her opening through her curls._

_“Oh goddess!” she gasped at the feel of her lover finally touching her where she could feel it most._ _Tara_ _let out a similar cry when_ _Willow_ _’s hand found the entrance to her core. They clung to each other with their free arms, holding on as if their lives depended on it._ _Willow_ _barely controlled a high scream as_ _Tara_ _pushed lightly on her clit. When_ _Willow_ _returned the favor, her girlfriend’s eyes opened wide as her breathing became faster and faster. Rolling on top again,_ _Willow_ _pressed her center against_ _Tara_ _’s thigh while slipping two fingers gently inside the blonde._

_Tara failed to suppress a sharp cry of pleasure as Willow gently pulled out, then thrust her fingers back into Tara’s core, her thumb taking control of the blonde’s clit. In the meantime, the redhead surged against_ _Tara_ _, her own clit rubbing against her lover’s smooth skin. Both somehow knowing exactly what to do, the girls moved together again and again, their pace beginning to quicken. When they both reached the peak of their climax, they looked straight into each other’s eyes, soaking in the love they felt for each other. Then they both came at the same time, calling out each other’s names as they exploded in ecstasy, pleasure wrapping around every nerve and pulsating with love as they rode out their unbelievable release._

_They lay gasping and sweating in each other’s arms for a few minutes afterwards before_ _Willow_ _slowly removed her fingers from her girlfriend. They looked at each other with stunned expressions, slowly turning into grins._

_“Wow…” Willow whispered breathlessly, at a loss for any other words._

_“Definitely…wow…”_ _Tara_ _replied. “Oh my goddess, that was…”_

_“Amazing…”_ _Willow_ _finished._ _Tara_ _nodded in full agreement._

_“To put it simply,” the blonde added._

_The two laughed in utter joy as they kissed passionately, finally crawling under the covers. “I’m so glad I shared that with you,”_ _Willow_ _said as she wrapped her arms around_ _Tara_ _, snuggling close. “And I’m so glad you shared it with me.”_

_“Me too,”_ _Tara_ _replied, nuzzling the girl’s hair._

_“_ _Tara_ _…”_ _Willow_ _started, looking up into her lover’s eyes. “Was that…was that your first time?”_

_Tara_ _blushed. “Yes…and I know it wasn’t your first, but-”_

_“But it was,”_ _Willow_ _said softly. “It was the first time I bared my soul to someone and let them embrace it. And you’re the only person I’ll ever let do that.”_

_Tears sprung to_ _Tara_ _’s eyes. She had felt the same way, and she saw in_ _Willow_ _’s eyes that the redhead knew that, and had voiced both their thoughts. Smiling in pure bliss,_ _Tara_ _pulled her lover into a tender kiss, both girls holding each other gently, enveloping each other in loving warmth._

_“I love you,_ _Willow_ _,”_ _Tara_ _whispered._

_“I love you too,_ _Tara_ _,”_ _Willow_ _whisper back._

_They continued to share soft kisses and murmur words of love until they fell into peaceful slumber._

Smiling, Willow opened her eyes again. Despite her wretched surroundings, the memory of her and Tara making love for the first time left her warm and tingling. In fact, she noticed that the spiders and rats had backed away and were keeping their distance at the moment. After a moment, Willow realized that something had changed. It didn’t take her long to figure out what.

When she looked down at herself, she saw that she was wearing her pink outfit with the silky overcoat – the same one she wore on the day Tara sang to her. She silently thanked whoever picked her outfit for remembering that Tara was buried in the one she wore on the same day, and for honoring the connection.

“Wow,” Willow said aloud. “I guess I dreamt through my own funeral.”


	6. A Restless Lament

Indeed, while Willow Rosenberg had reminisced about her first time with Tara, her funeral took place back in Sunnydale California. All the Scoobies were there – Spike included, seeing as the funeral was held at night. All of them stood together in utter solemnity. As the coffin was lowered, Dawn began to sing.

“Where do we go from here?”

It was the last song they had sung during the demon’s musical reign over the town when they had all contemplated what to do next. But two voices were missing: Tara’s…and now Willow’s.

“Where do we go from here?” Buffy and Spike sang.

“The battle’s done, and we kind of won,” Giles began. Tara wasn’t there to join him, so the next bit he sang alone. “So we sound our vict’ry cheer. Where do we go from here?”

“Why is the path unclear?” Xander and Anya sang next. “When we know home is near?”

All sang together. “Understand, we’ll go hand in hand, but we’ll walk alone in fear,”

“Tell me,”

“Where do we go from here?”

The key changed, and everyone’s voices grew stronger as they continued to sing. “When does ‘The End’ appear? When do the trumpets cheer? The curtains close on a kiss – God knows, we can tell the end is near. Where do we go from here?”

The other people at the funeral slowly began to disperse. “Where do we go from here?”

The Scoobies were finally left completely alone. “Where do we go…from here?”

There was a dead silence as everyone stared at Willow’s grave – as close to Tara’s as they could possibly get it. “I wish we knew Tara’s song,” Dawn said softly. “Then we could’ve sung that too.”

Buffy shook her head. “No. That song is Tara’s alone to sing.”

The sky was beginning to lighten when everyone finally went home. But their mourning for Willow wouldn’t end for a long time.

…

The days passed listlessly after that. Buffy patrolled every night and Dawn spent the day either moping in front of the TV or moping in the backyard. Giles went to help Anya sift through the rubble of the Magic Box to try and find anything intact that was still worth something. They didn’t recover much. Xander hung out with Dawn when he could, but otherwise he just went to and from his construction job without really noticing anything or anybody. At one point Dawn went upstairs and snuggled into one of Willow’s outfits to try and pretend the redhead was really there, but it didn’t work. Nothing helped to lessen everyone’s grief.

Anya, Buffy, and Dawn all went to sleep one night a week later with thoughts still raging in utter turmoil. Xander and Giles didn’t sleep at all. Giles simply drank tea at Buffy’s kitchen table while Xander watched Anya sleep. Anya herself was caught in an unusual dream…

…

Anya was standing in a grassy field, the sunlight illuminating every aspect of the landscape around her. Before her, Tara and Willow danced in a circle with their hands joined, giggling and smiling as they did so. Anya simply watched them for a moment, wondering what was making the two witches so happy, the fact that both were dead not registering at all. Willow looked over Tara’s shoulder and noticed the ex-demon. “Come on!” she cried gleefully. “Join us!”

So Anya did, Willow and Tara letting go of hands on one side to let Anya join the circle. They continued to dance and dance, Anya beginning to smile as broadly as the girls did. But then they were moving faster…and faster…and soon they were spinning at an alarming rate. The world blurred around Anya as she desperately tried to keep up with Tara and Willow. “Anya, keep up!” she vaguely heard Tara say. “You’re dragging!”

“Please! Can we just slow down?” Anya begged.

“Why go slow when you can keep going faster?” Willow asked, and Anya was beginning to feel nauseous.

“Please!” she cried. “Enough!”

“Have it your way,” Tara said, and suddenly the girls let go, sending the ex-demon spiraling off into a vortex of swirling colors. Anya screamed as she tumbled head over heels in a violent whirlwind. Finally she landed with a hard thud, sprawled spread eagle on a hard surface.

Groaning and pushing herself up, Anya took a moment to take in her surroundings. She was in an empty Bronze, the lights dim, no music playing. Out on the dance floor two figures waltzed in slow circles. Looking closer, Anya saw that it was Buffy, and… Anya squinted. The other figure was just a shadow. A very, very dark shadow.

“Buffy,” Anya warned as she walked closer. “Maybe you shouldn’t – ”

“Willow made the choice,” Buffy said as she danced with the dark figure. Anya felt her blood turn icy.

“Buffy, no!” But Anya was too late. The shadow swallowed the Slayer up and then exploded in a shower of sparks, leaving Anya utterly alone on the dance floor. But…was she?

The ex-demon whirled around frantically as she heard whispers coming from every corner. The whispers soon grew louder and louder, and Anya held her hands over her ears to block out the sound. “Stop it!” she finally cried out, unable to take any more. Surprisingly enough, the voices did…except for two.

_“Every time…”_ one of them said, then sighed. _“Even when I’m at my worst, you always make me feel special. How do you do that?”_

_“Magic,”_ the other voice replied.

“Willow? Tara?” Anya looked up and saw two translucent girls hovering above her head, holding each other tightly. Anya reached out and tried to grab them, but she fell…and fell… and…

…

In her dream, Buffy was walking down a long, dark hallway, seemingly without end. She didn’t want to call for anyone, just in case there were demons lurking somewhere in the shadows. Her footsteps echoed in the silence, and Buffy almost wished that she was being followed or chasing something, just so she didn’t feel like she was utterly alone. Without warning, she heard soft singing coming from somewhere ahead of her.

_"Hey, ho, nobody home...eat nor drink nor money have I none..."_

Confused both by the voice and the lyrics, Buffy quickened her pace.

_"Yet I will be very merry hey, ho, nobody home..."_

“Hello?” Buffy shouted, finally taking the chance and calling down the hallway. A ladder abruptly appeared in front of her, and Buffy screeched to a stop. From above her, the voice continued its strange round.

_“Hey, ho, nobody home…”_ Determined to find out what was going on, Buffy began a swift climb up the ladder.

_“Eat nor drink nor money have I none…”_ The voice was growing louder, and it was beginning to sound strangely familiar to the Slayer’s ears.

_“Yet I will be very merry hey, ho…”_ The ladder began to crumble under her hands, spurring Buffy onwards in fear.

_“…Nobody home.”_ Just as Buffy felt like she was about to fall, a strong hand reached down and took hers in a firm grip. Buffy looked up, and her eyes widened when she saw who her rescuer was. Faith looked down at her with liquid brown eyes, her full lips curved into a kind yet mysterious smile.

“Hey, ho, nobody home,” the rogue Slayer sang softly before hauling Buffy upwards.

When Buffy staggered to her feet, the ladder and any trace of her entrance was gone, as was Faith. Buffy was in the dorm room she shared with Willow before she had dropped out of college, died, and then got resurrected (again). Willow lay in her own bed, seemingly sound asleep, and in the opposite bed lay Tara, equally at peace. “Will?” Buffy asked cautiously as she took a step forward. “Tara?”

Without warning, the sheets covering both the girls began to stain red at an alarming rate, soaking both beds. Rivulets of blood trickled to the floor, droplets soon turning into large pools. Before Buffy knew it, she was ankle deep in blood that was rising fast.

“Help me!” the Slayer cried, unable to move. “Help me!” But the blood kept rising and rising and…

…

In her dream, Dawn woke up. She was in her own bed, and the sun was just peeking over the horizon. Yawning, the young girl got out of her bed and walked into the hall.

“Hey Dawn,” said Buffy, who was just coming out of the bathroom.

“Hey,” said Dawn, acknowledging her older sister’s presence. “Are Willow and Tara awake yet?”

“No,” said Buffy, frowning. “Go wake them up, would you?”

“Sure,” the younger girl shrugged nonchalantly, heading towards the witches’ bedroom door. “Will? Tara?” Dawn called as she knocked. “You awake?” Getting no response, she opened the door and peeked in.

It was suddenly night, and Dawn found herself standing in the middle of a graveyard. Confused, she looked around, craning her neck to see in the darkness. “Um, Tara? Are you here? Willow?” Her only answer was utter silence.

The steps she took through the cemetery were soft and cautious. Fearful of every shape, Dawn looked over her shoulder more than she did where she was going, causing her to trip over a grave. When she rolled over to look at the headstone, she gasped to see that it was her own. But it couldn’t be…could it?

Spying a shovel nearby, Dawn began to dig through the still soft dirt. She dug and dug, down and down until her arms felt as if they were going to fall off, but still she dug deeper. What little light the graveyard provided disappeared as Dawn tunneled deeper into the earth, searching for something – she didn’t know herself what it was. Finally, the blade of the shovel hit something hard, and Dawn quickly threw the tool aside and dug into the soil with her hands. With torn and bleeding fingers, Dawn finally uncovered a small wooden box. Fumbling with the latch, the girl was surprised when the box opened easily.

Dawn curiously pulled out the object inside. It was an elegant dagger, the blade curved and the handle ornate. The edge was still stained with dried blood, and Dawn shuddered to think of who might have met the sharp end.

The girl stood to try and make her way back up her deep hole…and was stunned to be standing back in the hallway of her house. Still holding the dagger, Dawn ran down the stairs…and into the Magic Box. The research table was tipped over, and Willow and Tara sat on the floor, cradling each other and sobbing.

“There you are!” Dawn said, rushing over to them. “What’s wrong?”

The two girls turned to look at Dawn with tear stained faces. Willow moved her hand to touch the bullet wound on Tara’s chest while Tara grasped the redhead’s slashed wrists, the blood of both girls steadily dripping onto the floor. “She’s dead!” Willow and Tara cried at the same time. And then, frowning, “…And you killed her…”

“What? No, I – what – Willow? Tara?” The young girl began to back away, but it was too late. The two witches sprung on Dawn in a flash, Tara pinning her arms behind her while Willow snatched the knife from her hands.

“See how it feels!” the lovers growled simultaneously as Willow lifted the dagger to strike…

…

All three girls woke at the same time, each of them crying out in terror. At Xander’s apartment, Xander ran to Anya and knelt by the bed. “Ahn! Ahn! What is it? What’s wrong?”

Breathing heavily, Anya turned to her former boyfriend. “We have to get to Buffy. Now.”

In the Summers’ house, both Dawn and Buffy stumbled out of their bedrooms and fell into a tight hug. Giles had bolted up the stairs in a heartbeat and was hugging both the girls in concern. “Buffy! Dawn! What on Earth happened?”

“Meeting. Kitchen. Now.”

…

Ten minutes later, Buffy opened the front door before Xander could even knock. It was one-thirty in the morning, but Buffy somehow knew that he’d be coming. Whatever had happened to her and Dawn was too suspicious not to have happened to Xander or Anya or both of them. It was just Anya who looked extremely disheveled.

“You, too?” Buffy asked. Anya nodded mutely. Another two minutes later, all five of them were seated silently around the kitchen table, each sipping a cup of tea and waiting to hear some form of explanation.

“Ok,” Anya began. “If I’ve figured this out correctly, Buffy, Dawn, and I all had freaky dreams and I’m guessing they’re all related somehow.”

“Sounds like when the first Slayer messed with our dreams on that movie night, eh Giles?” Xander said, lifting an eyebrow.

“Remarkably yes,” the Watcher replied.

“But the first Slayer wasn’t in my dream at all,” Buffy interjected, frowning slightly.

“Nor mine,” Dawn added.

“Nor mine,” Anya concluded.

“Well, that’s a bonus,” was Xander’s relieved reply.

“But they’re still connected…in some freaky mystical way or another.” Buffy turned to Giles. “Any theories?”

“Well,” Giles began, taking a sip of tea. “It would be a lot easier to work this out if I actually knew what your dreams were _about_ ,”

All three girls rolled their eyes, but they told Giles what they had seen – however reluctantly.

“But…I didn’t make any choices about death,” Buffy said in relation to Anya’s dream. “And yet, you said I was dancing with a shadow?” Anya nodded.

“But Willow made other choices,” Dawn mentioned. “Not just the one about…taking her own life.”

“And you said you found a dagger?” Anya asked Dawn, who also nodded. Buffy suddenly froze.

“Dawn…what did that dagger look like?” When her younger sister described it, Buffy’s fear was confirmed. “That dagger belonged to Faith…and Faith pulled me up from the ladder.” Buffy turned to Anya. “And I said that Willow made the same choice while I was dancing with – ” Buffy suddenly became very red when she realized how that played into her conclusion. “All three of our dreams dealt with the deaths of Tara and Willow in one form or another, but there’s one other thing that connects them all – Faith.”

“Faith???” Dawn asked incredulously. “Why would she have anything to do with this?” As if in answer, there was suddenly a knock on the door.

“That is _so_ not possible…” Anya said softly, completely in shock. Ever so slowly, Buffy got up from her chair and walked slowly towards the door. Opening it carefully, she found Faith on her doorstep – a bag over her shoulder and a sheepish look on her face.

“Hey B,” the rogue Slayer said in her husky voice.


	7. Have Faith

Two minutes later, Faith had joined the rest of the Scoobies at the kitchen table, now holding her own cup of tea. Everyone was silent, but Faith was shot wary glances every so often. “So…what brings you to my door?” Buffy finally asked.

Faith swallowed the sip of tea she had just taken and looked forlornly at her fellow Slayer. “I read Willow’s obituary in the paper,” Faith replied softly. “I figured you guys must be goin’ through hell, and I figured I’d come down and pay my respects. Sorry I got here so early.”

“Not a problem,” Buffy replied, shaking her head. “We were all up anyway.”

“Yeah, I kinda guessed,” the rogue Slayer replied, looking at the half-full cups of tea on the table.

“Pay your respects, huh?” Dawn asked sarcastically. “Even though you, let’s see, tried to kill Willow? And talked shit about her to her girlfriend?” Faith winced, but the barrage against her wasn’t done.

“Oh that’s right, you talked to Tara while you were occupying Buffy’s body,” Anya added, about as happy as Dawn was. “And then you messed with Spike and slept with Buffy’s boyfriend.”

“Enough, guys,” Buffy said quietly. Everyone – even Faith – looked at her in astonishment. “Faith was a bitch,” Buffy continued. “You know that, right?” she asked the other Slayer. Faith nodded vigorously. “But I still think she has the potential to be a good person. I was never angry at her, and I never for a second thought that she was completely evil.”

“Really?” Faith asked softly, her toughened personality not quite allowing her to cry. Buffy nodded.

“So you have faith in Faith?” Xander asked, trying desperately to keep the mood at least somewhat lighthearted. Buffy rewarded him with a wry smile.

“Yes, I have faith in Faith.” At Buffy’s words, Faith couldn’t help but smile like a little kid as she took her next sip of tea. “And funnily enough,” Buffy continued. “We were talking about you just before you knocked.”

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” Faith asked warily.

“Well, if you can tell us why you were in Buffy’s, Dawn’s, and my dreams, then…no wait, there’d still be two possible outcomes.” Anya slumped back in her chair. “Why is this never easy?”

“A question we’d all like answered,” Giles replied. Faith had gone from wary to frightened.

“Buffy…?” she asked, desperate for a logical explanation.

“We’re still trying to figure that out,” the blonde Slayer said, putting a hand on Faith’s shoulder.

“Ooh! I think I understand the choice you and Willow made now!” Anya said, delighted to have figured something out. Buffy blushed to the roots of her hair and quickly removed her hand. Faith noticed this and tried to suppress a smile.

“Anyway,” Buffy continued, “We also all had dreams about Willow’s and Tara’s deaths. The two of them harmed us in the dreams in one weird way or another, and we don’t know why. Both girls were always pure as pure can be – well, spare that one time with Willow…” Buffy let that sentence hang, no one wanting to finish it.

“Huh?” Faith asked. Dawn took a deep breath.

“Willow went completely ape shit when Tara died and tried to destroy the world.” Both Slayers raised their eyebrows – Faith at the revelation and Buffy at her sister’s language.

“Oh…” said Faith, also slumping back in her chair. “Yikes.”

“Yeah,” agreed Anya. “But Xander saved the world.”

Faith looked at Xander appraisingly. “I am impressed despite myself.”

“I’m honored,” Xander retorted sarcastically.

“If we could all please concentrate on the situation at hand,” Giles interrupted, not really wanting to continue down the side path the other Scoobies had started. Obeying Giles’ wishes, everyone stopped and paid attention to what the Watcher had to say. “For some unknown reason, something caused your views of Willow and Tara to switch in your dreams,” Giles said to Buffy, Anya, and Dawn. “Not only that, Faith was brought into the picture, and there’s no apparent connection as to why.”

“Ooh! We could ask Tara!” Dawn said, her face lighting up.

“Ok, now you’ve _really_ lost me,” Faith said, looking at everyone in extreme confusion.

“I can do this neato speaking spell with Tara,” Dawn explained proudly, then she frowned. “But I can’t do it with Willow, ‘cause she’s in Hell.”

Faith looked from Dawn, to Buffy, to Dawn, and then back to Buffy. “Could someone please fill me in?” she asked, a hint of desperation creeping into her voice.

“Well, we should probably start from the beginning,” Buffy said, prepping herself for a long story.

…

“Damn…I still can’t believe Red landed herself in Hell. Didn’t know suicide got you there, though now that I think about it, it kinda makes sense.”

Faith was lying on her side in a sleeping bag on the floor of Buffy’s room, wearing a pair of Buffy’s pajamas that was a little too tight. Buffy herself was lying on her own bed, looking over the edge so she could talk to Faith. In response to what Faith was saying, the blonde Slayer just shrugged.

“I suppose it does. I wouldn’t know – I’ve only been to heaven.”

“Still tryin’ to take that in too,” Faith said, running a hand through her hair. “I missed a hell of a lot of action while I was away from you guys.” Buffy shrugged.

“Eh, just a couple apocalypses. Three, if you count the one you were in a coma for.”

Faith winced at the memory. “Talk about freaky dreams – I could outdo you _all_ with some of those.”

“Try me,” said Buffy, shifting to make herself a little more comfortable. Faith glanced up at her.

“Well…a lot of them were about you.”

Buffy’s eyebrows went as high as they could go. “Me?” she asked, stunned.

Faith shrugged, embarrassed. “Well, yeah. I kept dreamin’ that you were next to me, and then you were gone, and sometimes you wanted to chase me and kill me, and other times…”

“Other times what?” Buffy prodded. Faith shifted uncomfortably.

“Other times you’d just hold me. I’d be crying, and you held me. And even when I screamed at you and called you a bitch, and worse stuff…you never let go. It was like you were holding me up…keeping me alive. Of course, after what I did to you, I’m wondering if that was a good thing…”

Faith hung her head, unable to say anymore. Buffy got off the bed, kneeling next to Faith and lifting her chin so that the two were eye-to-eye. “Hey, it’s ok. It’s over. Once you’ve died and been resurrected – again, old stuff like that? It’s all petty crap. You’re a good guy again.”

Faith looked back into Buffy’s eyes, touched by the Slayer’s words. Without warning, Faith’s hard shell cracked. She began to cry, burying her head on Buffy’s shoulder. Buffy hugged Faith tightly, a little surprised to find herself crying too. They held each other like that for a long time, and Faith ended up sleeping in the same bed as Buffy that night so the two girls wouldn’t have to let go.

…

“OH MY GOD!!!” was Dawn’s response when she saw Faith and Buffy lying side-by-side. It was also what woke the two Slayers up.

“Did we really deserve that?” Buffy moaned into her pillow.

“Dunno. When I can hear again I’ll get back to you,” Faith moaned back.

“Wow,” said Anya, moving to stand next to Dawn. “I wonder if they had sex?”

This time Faith turned to look at Buffy. “Is that all she can talk about?”

“That and vengeance,” the blonde Slayer replied, still not having moved yet. Faith let out a loud groan and rolled back over.

“If you two wouldn’t mind shutting the door and letting us get some more sleep?” she asked a bit testily.

“It’s nine-thirty, and I’m still turning over the possibility of you and Buffy doing… _things_ during the night!” Dawn retorted, utter shock and a hint of disgust written all over her face.

Buffy finally turned to face the door. “Dammit Anya, stop filling my kid sister’s head with your sexcapade crap!”

“Damn, B, chill. She’s what, sixteen?”

“Just because _you_ had sex at fourteen,” Buffy shot at Faith.

“Seventeen, believe it or not – just like you.”

Buffy blushed so deeply that her face was nearly purple as she fell back on the bed, pulling the covers up under her chin. “Would you two just _go away_???” Buffy asked angrily over her shoulder. After a moment of complete silence, Dawn and Anya shut the door, and the two Slayers could hear them clomp down the stairs.

“You gotta learn to lock your door, B,” Faith said as she rolled to face Buffy. Buffy moved to face Faith in turn.

“So long as they didn’t see me kiss you – even if it was just on the cheek,” she added quickly.

“Mm-hmm,” Faith smiled wryly as she got a little more comfortable. “That’s how it always starts.”

“Oh dear God,” Buffy groaned, re-burying her head into her pillow.

…

“So how are Faith and Buffy?” Xander asked Dawn and Anya when the two girls plunked themselves down at the table next to him and Giles.

“Uh, they wanted more sleep,” Dawn said, trying to be discreet.

“I think they boinked,” Anya said pointedly. “They slept in the same bed.” Xander choked on a mouthful of cereal and Giles froze with a cup of tea halfway to his mouth, closing his eyes and trying not to show too much aggravation.

“Um, Ahn?” Xander said, having finally swallowed his mouthful of food. “Girls sometimes have things called sleepovers, where they go to each other’s houses to spend the night,”

“But they don’t sleep in the same bed,” Anya interrupted.

“I always did,” said Dawn. “But…that ended in third grade. But we’d all still sleep next to each other in sleeping bags after that.”

“But it’s still not in bed. Those two were in bed,” Anya kept insisting, referring to Buffy and Faith as if they were already illicit lovers.

“Anya, this isn’t really something I’m keen to hear over breakfast, so could you save the conversation for later when I’m not around?” Giles asked, already feeling a headache coming on.

Anya slumped back in her chair. “Sheesh, just trying to give a ‘situation update,’” Anya muttered as she reached for some cereal.

“The situation we really need to work on is the one involving Willow and Tara,” Dawn said wearily, resting her chin in her hands. “I wish we had some clue as to what to do next.”

“Well, let’s look at what we know again,” said Giles. We know that Tara’s in heaven, Willow’s in Hell, and there _is_ a way to bring the two of them together in Tara’s realm. But we still don’t know how.”

“And we’re no closer to finding it,” added Dawn.

“And Willow and Tara went crazy in our dreams,” Anya finished.

“True,” the youngest Summers girl said. “We can’t rule that out. No matter _how_ weird it is. I’m definitely gonna have to ask Tara about this.”

“Ooh, can I talk to her too?” Anya asked.

“Me fwoo?” Xander asked in turn through a mouthful of cereal. The two girls at the table gave him pointed stares until he swallowed. “Sorry,” he said sheepishly.

“I’ll see if the speaking spell lets more than one person connect to a spirit. It might not. Either way, I’d better get started.”

“And it’s probably time for us to keep researching,” Giles said.

Xander groaned. “ _Just_ how I wanna spend my day.”

“Have faith, Xander,” Anya said, reaching over to pat his shoulder. “Buffy did, anyway.”

Everyone groaned. “You’re hopeless,” Dawn told the ex-demon as she got up and headed to her room.

…

It didn’t take Dawn much time to do the speaking spell, and soon she and Tara were connected by a mystical golden rope, just the way they had been during the first speaking spell, though Dawn had also been connected to Willow. Because Dawn was only attached to Tara this time, her energy wouldn’t run out so quickly.

“Hey Tara,” Dawn said when the spirit of the blonde witch appeared. Tara smiled at her.

“Hey Dawnie. How are you?”

Dawn shrugged. “I’m ok. Um, Willow’s funeral was a week ago…”

“I know,” Tara nodded, her smile becoming sad. “I watched from heaven. And I sang with you, even though you couldn’t hear me.”

“I’m sorry I wanted to sing your song too – I should’ve respected that it was just yours to sing.”

“Oh sweetie, it’s ok. And after you left, I sang it for her. It’s what she would have wanted…” Tara quickly brushed a tear from the corner of one eye before quickly changing the subject. “So, what do you need?”

Dawn took a deep breath. “Well…last night Buffy, Anya, and I all had really strange dreams…and you and Willow were in them.”

“Go on,” Tara said, frowning a little.

“Well, in each one, you were all dead or disappearing in some way. A-And in my dream you tried to kill me.”

Tara winced visibly and reached out to the girl. “Oh God, I’m so sorry – ”

“You don’t need to apologize,” Dawn interrupted. “It wasn’t your fault…it had to be something else. Anyway, but each dream also had something to do with Faith.”

“Faith?” Tara asked, now completely befuddled. Dawn nodded, and she was frowning too.

“And the funny thing is, when we were all talking about it at the table, Faith showed up on our doorstep!” Dawn shifted uncomfortably. “I know this has nothing to do with you and Willow and connecting and stuff, but I still think it’s kinda weird.”

Tara shrugged. “The Powers work in mysterious ways, I guess. I honestly don’t know what to think. How did Buffy react?”

Dawn rolled her eyes in exasperation. “Buffy _forgave_ her! I mean, after all Faith’s done, Buffy just forgave her for everything! Like nothing had happened!” To Dawn’s surprise, Tara nodded.

“I can understand that. I would have done the same thing. Faith’s not evil. She just acted in ways that didn’t exactly mark her as a kind person. There’s a really big difference between bad decisions and pure evil.”

“How so?” Dawn asked, not quite sure she understood what Tara meant.

“Well, when someone makes a bad decision, they don’t really know how much it will hurt someone, or what will happen to them. Sometimes they know that they’ll hurt someone, but they believe that it’s right, or the only way to do something. When someone does something out of evil, they know that they’re going to hurt someone, and they don’t care. They regret nothing, and they relish people’s pain. Evil is when you hurt someone for no apparent reason – you just want them to feel pain…to suffer. That’s the difference between evil and bad decisions. Faith made some wrong choices, yes, but she’s not evil. She’s not even close.”

“And what about…” It pained Dawn to ask this question, but she had to know. “What about Willow?”

Dawn knew Tara wouldn’t like the question, but the witch’s reaction cut Dawn to the very core. Tara looked like she had been hit with the same wrecking ball that had smashed into Glory, and her eyes filled with pain. Dawn could tell that Tara was trying to hide her emotions, but the girl could tell that the spirit was in obvious pain. After a long, wretched moment, Tara finally took a deep breath.

“Willow wasn’t evil. Dark, yes, but not evil…not even in her last act of black magic. At first she had a purpose – to avenge me. But when she took all the power from Giles, she felt suffering, and wanted to end all the pain in the world by destroying it. As impossible as this may sound…she did it all through love. She thought that all the humans on earth suffered, and she wanted to end their pain. She was so heartbroken when I…when I died that she sought revenge as a last act for me…” Tara swallowed hard. “And I watched it all from heaven. I watched every move she made, watched as she tried to hurt you and the others, witnessed all the destruction she caused. I cried during every one of those moments. And when Xander saved her, I continued to cry, but in complete relief. I was just so glad that she was back to her old self…back to being Willow…my Willow…”

Dawn’s eyes had begun to tear against her will. “And…all that time,” Dawn asked softly. “You still loved her?”

Tara looked the young girl in the eye and spoke with quiet yet firm resolution. “I will never stop loving her.”

The silence was so complete that it was suffocating, and Dawn couldn’t break away from Tara’s penetrating gaze. “I…” Dawn said finally, utterly ashamed of herself. “I’m sorry. I…I had to know…I…”

Tara held up a finger to silence her. “I understand. And now you do too.”

Dawn nodded vigorously in affirmation, then swallowed. “I just summoned you so I could tell you that we’re working really hard, and Giles is even calling the Watcher’s council to ask for information.” Tara’s mood lightened visibly as Dawn continued. “And I just had one other question.”

“Yes?”

“Can two people do this summoning spell?”

Tara thought for a moment. “I think so. The ritual should be in the chapter on conjoined casting in one of my spellbooks – the leather-bound one with the gold pentagram on the cover. Do you still have it around?”

“It’s probably in one of the boxes that holds all your stuff. I’m sure I can find it.” Dawn smiled, then her arms began to shake as she felt herself running out of energy. “Um, I think I have to go now.”

Tara smiled. “Oh Dawn, I can’t thank you enough. And please say hi to the others for me?”

“I will. Oh, and before I go, one last thing.”

“Yes?”

Dawn smiled wryly. “Anya and I caught Buffy and Faith sleeping in the same bed.”

Tara actually grinned and giggled. “You know, I always wondered.” And then the connection was broken, and Dawn fell back on the wood floor of her room.

“Wow…head rush…” she said breathlessly, deciding to stay where she was for a bit before getting up.

…

About a half an hour later, Dawn and Faith were in the basement looking through boxes of Tara’s old things. The two worked in utter silence, not sure of what to say to each other. It was Buffy who had the idea of Faith helping Dawn out, figuring that the two of them might be able to lessen the tension between them. So far it was doing the opposite.

Faith finally took the initiative and nervously cleared her throat. “So…how’s Tara?”

“She’s fine,” Dawn answered stonily. “As fine as you can be when you’re dead.” Faith winced at the harsh edge of her tone.

“Dawn, listen, I know it might take time for you to believe me, but I really am sorry about all the shit I put you guys through.”

“So you say. How do I know you’re not just trying to get on Buffy’s good side?”

Faith paused. “Dawn, you ever hurt someone before?”

Dawn looked at Faith curiously. “Yeah, the human version of a crazy god and a couple of corpses, why?”

“Well,” Faith began slowly. “When you hurt someone innocent…kill someone innocent…it stays with you. You can try and put up a hard shell, tell yourself that you were doing what had to be done, but it’s all bullshit. When you cause someone a lot of pain it eats at you for as long as you live. I still have nightmares about what I did while I was in Buffy’s skin. I still have nightmares about killing the man the mayor told me to, and about the guy I first killed by accident. It’s still hurtin’ me, and I don’t know if it’ll ever stop.” Faith took a deep breath. “I know apologizing will only do so much, if anything, but I gotta start somewhere. I’m tryin’ to shape up, Dawn, I am. And I just hope at one point you’ll try and forgive me.”

Faith didn’t know where the words had come from. They had just sprung up from deep inside of her and poured out. Everything she had felt for so long was finally out in words, and it felt to Faith that a tiny bit of the large weight on her shoulders had been chiseled off. Dawn was just as surprised, and she took a moment to just stare at Faith and see if the girl was sincere. Faith weathered the girl’s gaze, determined to accept whatever judgment Dawn put on her.

“I suppose I’ll believe you for now,” Dawn said finally, turning back to the box she was rooting through.

“Definitely gonna sleep easier,” Faith replied, only partially sarcastic. “Hey,” she said suddenly, pulling out the spellbook Tara had described to Dawn. “Is this the book we’re looking for?” But Dawn didn’t answer. She was staring into her box in utter shock. Frowning with curiosity, Faith moved next to the girl. “Whatcha got?”

Dawn sat wordlessly for another moment before pulling out a small box from among Tara’s miscellaneous possessions. The box was red velvet, and a rose design was indented on the top. Faith and Dawn looked at each other once before Dawn slowly opened the box. There was an utterly shocked silence before the girls said “Oh my God!” at the exact same time.


	8. Should Have Been

“What’d you find?” Buffy asked as Faith and Dawn came up from the basement and into the dining room. Both girls said nothing, and Faith merely tossed the book to the side of the table while Dawn slammed the box in front of Buffy. The two scavengers then plopped down next to each other, crossed their arms, and sat in an expectant silence. Xander, Anya, and Giles, who were also sitting at the table, backed away warily, just in case. Buffy was looking at the box in confusion.

“And this is…what?” she asked, picking up the velvet box and examining the rose on the top.

“Open it,” Faith replied calmly. Buffy did, and her gasp was audible. Xander, Anya, and Giles leapt from their seats and crowded around the Slayer while Dawn and Faith remained indifferently in their seats.

Buffy’s eyes were wide with shock as she looked at the content of the box. Inside was a gold ring with green vines engraved delicately on the band and a perfectly circular diamond in the center – unmistakably and engagement ring. “Oh my God…” the Slayer said as she goggled at the ring.

Dawn raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, that’s what we said.” She looked up at Anya and the two men. “Did any of you know about this?” Giles and Xander shook their heads, but Anya slowly nodded.

“You did?” Xander asked in surprise. Anya shifted in her chair.

“I know you said not to tell anyone, but I told Tara we had gotten engaged, knowing she wouldn’t tell.”

“Thanks,” said Xander a little sharply.

“Xander,” Buffy warned. Xander shut up.

“Anyway, Tara was really happy, and she told me her own secret. This was just after she and Willow had moved into the room upstairs which is now practically a death chamber.”

“Anya,” Buffy warned her in turn. The ex-demon cleared her throat and continued.

“Tara told me that she wanted to propose to Willow, and that she already had the ring. I thought it was great, and I said to go for it. But then Willow overused magic, and Tara got worried, then mad, then she moved out, but then she came back, and she didn’t have the chance to propose before…”

The room went deadly silent. No one wanted to finish Anya’s sentence – to remember what had happened to poor Tara…what Willow had done…how Willow had gone to find Tara…

“Are you gonna ask Tara about this when you talk to her next?” Buffy asked her sister quietly.

“Faith and I both.”

“What?” asked Faith, snapping her head up.

“What?” ditto Buffy.

“What?” ditto Anya.

Dawn shrugged. “Hey – she’s got energy and strength and stuff.”

“And I’m who, Colonel Sanders?” Buffy asked a bit jealously. Dawn rolled her eyes.

“Buffy, it’ll be easier for Faith to control her energy because she hasn’t really met Tara – her emotions won’t go all over the place.”

“How come yours don’t then?” Buffy asked, still not happy.

“Because it’s my responsibility to keep my feelings in check. I’m the one filling in the position of ‘magic gal’ here, remember?”

“And what about me?” Anya asked. “I wanna talk to Tara!”

“The last thing she needs is your bluntness.” To everyone’s surprise, it was Giles that said this. Anya folded her arms and glared at him reproachfully. Faith and Buffy looked at each other.

“Were they born that stubborn?” Faith asked, referring to Anya and Dawn.

“Possibly,” was the blonde Slayer’s response. Faith sighed.

“Lead the way, Dawn,” she said resignedly.

Very pleased with herself, Dawn strutted from the room, a very disgruntled Faith following behind her.

…

Tara lay on her back in the white realm of heaven, looking up at the clouds that covered much of the golden sky. She couldn’t stop thinking about what Dawn had asked…about Willow.  She couldn’t stop how surprised the girl had looked when Tara said she had always loved Willow, no matter what the red-haired witch did. Tara sighed aloud. _She just doesn’t understand,_ she thought to herself. _Love never stops – not when it’s true._

Unwittingly, Tara thought back to one day when Willow had come to her, nearly in tears. The girl had had a dream the night before about Tara watching with Oz as Willow herself was killed. Worse yet – in the dream, Tara and Oz had been flirting. As Willow gushed this all to Tara, the blonde girl was sickened by the thought of betraying Willow like that. She had taken Willow into her arms and reassured her that everything was all right…

_“A-and then, Oh God, Tara! The first Slayer was sucking the life out of me or something, and you were just watching! I know you wouldn’t do that, but it was so real! Oh, Tara! Please tell me you’d never do that!”_

_“Oh, Willow, oh, darling.” Tara held Willow tightly and rubbed her back, desperately wanting to reassure the girl that she was loved. “Baby, I would_ never _do that to you._ Never. _I love you so much, and I hope you know that. I hate the thought of you being hurt, and I wish I could have been there to stop the nightmare – wake you up, do something.”_

_Willow sobbed harder, overwhelmed by Tara’s love. “I love you,” the blonde was whispering over and over into the girl’s red hair. As Willow cried uncontrollably, Tara gently laid her on the bed so that she was on her stomach. Kissing her girlfriend’s cheek, she straddled Willow gently and slowly began to massage her back._

_The redhead sighed as she felt Tara’s knuckles knead her skin through her shirt, rubbing out every inch of tension. The blonde’s touch was magic all on its own, and the effect it had on Willow was intense. She couldn’t restrain a moan as Tara’s palms made slow rhythmic circles on her back, erasing all doubt from Willow’s mind. Willow moved her hand so she could squeeze Tara’s knee. Not ceasing her massage, Tara bent so that her head was next to her lover’s._

_“I love you, Tara,” Willow whispered._

_Tara moved forward a little so that her lips met the redhead’s. “I love you too, Willow,” Tara replied, breaking the kiss only after it had been enjoyed for at least a full minute. Smiling wryly, Tara rolled Willow smoothly onto her back, though she continued to straddle the girl. She looked down into bright green eyes – eyes filled with nothing but utter love. “So, so much,” Tara continued, kissing Willow again. Willow smiled and positioned herself so she was spread-eagle under Tara. She knew what her girlfriend wanted. Tara recognized the invitation and accepted._

_When Tara kissed Willow again it was with sensual hunger, and soon tongues began to duel._ _Willow_ _took the opportunity to suck on_ _Tara_ _’s tongue and the blonde moaned in satisfaction. Hands clutched at shirts, desperate to remove them. Tara made it first, ripping Willow’s shirt from her and tossing it aside. Before the redhead could even move, Tara had taken her bra off as well, leaving her girlfriend half-naked beneath her. The blonde witch took a moment to nuzzle the soft skin of Willow’s chest before moving her mouth to Willow’s right nipple and suckling it gently._

_Willow gasped and arched her back as her girlfriend continued to suck on her breast, nibbling the nipple as she did so. When_ _Willow_ _’s left breast got the same treatment, it took all the redhead’s willpower not to moan aloud. She knew her resolve wouldn’t hold for long though._

_Tara kissed her way down her lover’s toned stomach, reveling in the feel of the skin beneath her lips. With practiced ease she had slipped off Willow’s pants and socks and was now kissing her way up the inside of her girlfriend’s thigh. Tara knew that this was sweet torture to Willow, and sure enough, she heard the redhead finally lose control and cry out._

_“Oh goddess, Tara!” she gasped, her breathing getting shallower. Smiling to herself, Tara eased off Willow’s underwear and gently spread the girl’s legs wide._

_When she had first done this with Willow, Tara had been so extremely shy and nervous that it took all of Willow’s coaxing to guide her through it. Tara didn’t regret a minute of it though, and was glad to guide Willow when her girlfriend’s turn came. The blonde was now an expert at sending Willow off into sensational oblivion, and she intended to use her skill to chase away the last of her girlfriend’s nightmares. Closing her eyes, Tara buried her nose in copper curls and inhaled Willow’s musky scent. She drew her hands up Willow’s thighs one last time before plunging her tongue into her girlfriend._

_Willow screamed in pleasure as Tara moved her tongue in rhythm, causing the redhead to buck her hips in a plea for even more stimulation. Complying, Tara used two fingers to locate Willow’s clit and rub hard. The blonde could hear Willow’s moans getting steadily more urgent in sound and she increased the pace of her tongue movements and her fingers. Sensing that Willow was close, Tara made her stimulations as powerful as they could possibly get, savoring the feel of her lover’s gyrations, the potent smell of passionate sex enveloping them both._

_“Ohhh – yes –_ _TARA_ _!” Willow cried out as she was hurled into sheer ecstasy, her body on fire as pure passion coursed through her veins. Tara rode out Willow’s release as the redhead’s sweet essence poured around her tongue. The blonde witch greedily drank every last drop before moving up to lie beside her lover. The girl was breathing hard and her eyes were wide open. Smiling at the effect she had on her girlfriend, Tara wrapped her arms around Willow and drew her close, kissing her forehead._

_“I love you, Willow,” Tara whispered as she stroked the girl’s hair. Willow didn’t say anything – simply pulled Tara into a fierce kiss, rolling on top of the blonde and…_

Tara was snapped out of her blissful reverie when she felt a gentle tugging at her waist. “Dawn,” she said aloud, and let herself be drawn along the magical golden leash.

…

“Hi Tara,” said Dawn cheerily as the blonde witch appeared.

“Hello Dawn, and…Faith…” Tara said curiously, tilting her head a little as she stared at the rogue Slayer. Faith smiled timidly and held her hand up briefly in greeting; she still had this slightly paralyzing fear that Tara could somehow reach out and strangle her. Tara did no such thing, of course, but instead asked, “What’s up?”

“Well, we found your spellbook, which is of course why Faith is here with me…” Dawn began, letting the sentence hang. Tara picked up on this.

“And?”

“And…” Dawn drew out the word. “We also found a little red velvet box with something very interesting in it.”

To both spell casters’ surprise, the blonde didn’t blush and hide behind her hair. Instead she stared quietly at the girls, no trace of a smile left on her face. When she spoke again, her voice was weary.

“I wish…” the sentence trailed off. “I wanted…so much…” Tara struggled for words.

“I understand,” said Faith unexpectedly. “We won’t push. We just…wanted to let you know that we found it.”

Tara’s surprise was evident, but she gave the rogue Slayer a brief smile nevertheless. “Thank you.” Tara turned back to Dawn. “Did you find anything else in the spellbook that was useful?”

Dawn shook her head. “We haven’t looked yet. We just wanted to contact you first to let you know about the ring.” The young girl shifted a little uncomfortably, feeling very embarrassed. “Um, uh, are you gonna tell Willow?”

Tara paused. “When we’re together again, I’ll tell her. It needs to be just the right time. When we’re together…”

Without warning, the connection Faith and Dawn had with Tara snapped, and the two live girls fell back on Dawn’s floor.

“What happened?” Dawn asked. “Did you do something?” she accused Faith. The rogue Slayer shook her head.

“No, I just think… I just think Tara kinda wants to be alone for a little while, maybe. This is probably way more painful for her than it is for any of us – even all of us combined.”

“Combined…” Dawn suddenly said, thinking for a minute. She sprang to her feet without warning, dragging Faith with her. “I just had an idea! Come on, we have to hit the books again!”

…

“Well, so much for my brilliant idea,” Dawn grumbled, shutting the book she was reading. She had thought that there was a spell that all the Scoobies could do to help reunite the two soul mates. Unfortunately, nothing had been found by anyone, and everyone in the house had been researching for quite some time. Buffy looked over at her sister sympathetically, shutting her own book.

“I’m sorry, Dawn. I know you had a lot of hope in this.”

Dawn just shook her head. “We shouldn’t have to do any of this. Willow should be alive. Tara should be alive. They’re supposed to be happily ever after.” Dawn’s eyes were beginning to tear up. Xander noticed and put his arm around Dawn’s shoulder.

“There are a lot of things that should have been,” he said quietly. “We can’t…we can’t really do anything to change those though. But we can bring Willow and Tara back together, and I’m not giving up hope on that.”

Dawn knew that this was especially hard for Xander, what with him bringing Willow back from darkness, and she gave him a huge hug. “Thanks, Xander.”

During this whole conversation, Faith had slipped away from the group and up the stairs. Buffy was the only one who noticed, and stood up to follow. “I’m just gonna go to the bathroom,” she lied, then went after Faith. She looked in her room first, and that was indeed where Faith was – sitting on the bed and looking miserable. Buffy closed the bedroom door behind her as she went and sat down beside Faith.

“What’s wrong?” Faith turned at the sound of Buffy’s gentle voice, and she smiled a little when she saw the blonde sitting next to her.

“It’s just…Dawn got me thinkin’. She’s right, y’know – ‘bout how some things should be and aren’t. The whole thing just dredged up memories.” Faith looked down at the floor. “Like how I’m one of these things that shouldn’t be. I should be dead and six feet under, and then life would’ve been a lot better for you and the others. I shouldn’t’ve turned against you ‘cause I was mad. I should have let you kill me.”

“No, Faith, no.” Buffy gripped the girl’s shoulders and turned her so that the two were eye to eye. “That’s bullshit. It’s good that you’re here, it is. I…” Buffy swallowed. “I’m glad that you’re here…I need you here.”

Faith looked up at Buffy, stunned. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” The blonde smiled and ran a hand through Faith’s hair. As if of one mind, the two girls fell into a surprisingly tender embrace, realizing in truth how much they needed _each other_ at that moment. Then Buffy cupped Faith’s face in her hands and kissed her ever so softly. When the blonde pulled away, neither of them made a witty joke or remark as they might have in the past. The moment was pure and true to them, and they knew that words would only violate the silence that meant so much more than anything the girls could ever say. Instead they pressed their foreheads together and cried silent tears for what should have been, what was, and what should be.


	9. Chasing the Nightmares Away

By dinnertime the Scoobies had noticed the disappearance of both Buffy  _and_ Faith. Deciding that they all didn’t really want to know what was going on (which would involve someone risking a trip upstairs), it was decided that Faith and Buffy could eat later. But in truth, the two Slayers hadn’t really done anything radical. They just lay snuggling on top of the covers, stroking each other’s hair and rubbing each other’s backs as the reminisced.

“Remember that day that fake Watcher came to find the Glove of Lagos?” Faith asked.

“Mm, I do,” said Buffy. “When I got to The Bronze that night, Willow and the others had made up a boyfriend for me. I said that I would indeed be going out with someone.”

“And I came in and put my arm around your shoulder. And I’ll admit now how intoxicating that was, just touching you like that.”

Buffy smiled and snuggled a little closer. “And I put my arm around your waist and said, ‘we’re just good friends, honest.’ I remember how good that felt…and how I wished that I was lying when I said we were ‘just good friends.’”

“Well,” Faith began, arching an eyebrow as she looked into Buffy’s eyes. “You might be lying if you said it now.” Buffy smiled and kissed Faith’s forehead. Faith sighed in content and also snuggled closer. “And then that day at the Bronze when we danced together…”

“I remember that too,” said Buffy, smiling. “We were really gettin’ it on.”

“But then I killed a man…” Faith’s voice went quiet as the memory coursed through her veins. She shuddered and tried to pull away, but Buffy held on.

“Faith…” the blonde Slayer whispered softly, gently kissing the girl’s forehead again. “It’s over, remember? We all make mistakes. We just gotta move on.”

“Oh God, B,” Faith looked into Buffy’s eyes again. “When it happened I pretended so much that I didn’t care, but I did. I felt like you said I did: dirty. Only…it was worse. I felt like I was constantly drenched in that man’s blood. And I did have nightmares about him – the look in his eyes right before he died. And I wish I had died myself.”

Buffy put her hand gently over Faith’s mouth, the last sentence hurting her deeply. “Faith,” Buffy began. “You know you did wrong. And you paid your dues. You have to let it go. You can’t let it haunt you forever.”

“But I feel so – ”

“Oh, Faith.” Buffy wrapped her arms tighter around the rogue Slayer and stroked her back. Faith held on in return, needing comfort more than anything. “No more,” Buffy continued. “It’s long over. Everyone in this house right now has made at least one giant mistake or another, _especially_ me,” Faith gave a little snort of laughter, “but we’ve all managed to put the past behind us. You need to do that too, Faith. Look ahead. Look at me.” When Faith met Buffy’s gaze, the blonde smiled. “I love you, Faith,” she said with all her heart.

“I love you too, Buffy,” Faith replied genuinely, using the Slayer’s full name, tears coming to her eyes. “I don’t…I don’t think I’ve ever really been loved before.” Hearing this, Buffy held the brunette tightly.

“Now you are. And I’ll always love you.” For a long time, Buffy kissed the tears off Faith’s cheeks until the rogue’s quiet sobs subsided.

…

“I don’t think I can do this anymore,” groaned Dawn, slamming her book shut. “I am way down on my sleep quota and I need some shut-eye.”

“I’m with you,” said Anya, also closing her book. “I think I actually looked at the same page for twelve minutes before realizing it was the same page I had looked at twelve minutes ago. Dawn, you got an extra sleeping bag?”

“Yep,” said Dawn, hauling herself off the floor along with the ex-demon. “I’m just hopin’ Faith and Buffy don’t keep us awake with whatever sexcapades they’ve got planned – or already going.”

Xander’s mind practically dove into the gutter at these words, but somehow he forced himself to think straight. He didn’t quite succeed though, as he proved with his next sentence. “If they were up to anything I think we’d’ve heard about it by now.”

“How _very_ insightful of you, Xander,” Giles said, rolling his eyes as he polished his glasses.

“Good _night_ , gentlemen,” Dawn said as she and Anya trudged up the stairs. Both men threw a “goodnight” over their shoulders before going back to their reading.

…

The spiders and rats were beginning to make Willow shudder more than usual, so she searched her brain for another good memory of her and Tara. She’d realized after her second fantasy that her daydreams kept the horrid creatures away from her, and she took advantage of this fact whenever she could. Recalling when she and Tara had levitated on the dance floor of The Bronze, Willow closed her eyes and summoned the memory of what had happened afterwards…

“ _Oh,_ _Tara_ _…I still don’t see why you didn’t just tell me.”_

 _“I was so afraid, Willow,” the blonde had replied, curling up a little._ _Tara_ _and_ _Willow_ _lay in bed side by side, pajama-clad and rubbing each other’s arms as they so often did. “I was so afraid that you would hate me, or even…have Buffy kill me.”_

 _“What?!”_ _Willow_ _asked in horror. She took her girlfriend’s face in her hands and kissed her with sheer ferocity. “Goddess, Tara,” she said when she pulled away. “I love you too much to let anything like that happen to you. Even if you were a half-demon, you’d still have all my heart. And if Buffy even_ thought _about trying to hurt you I would stand in her way.”_

 _Tara_ _was so touched by_ _Willow_ _’s words that she couldn’t help but begin to cry. “Oh,_ _Willow_ _,” she choked through her tears, holding her lover without intention of ever letting go. Willow stroked the blonde’s back as she kissed away the girl’s tears, whispering delicate words of love into her ear._

 _When_ _Tara_ _had finally stopped crying,_ _Willow_ _planted a soft kiss on her lips. “I love you, Tara. And nothing will ever change that.”_

 _“Oh,_ _Willow_ _,”_ _Tara_ _murmured again, so relieved that she was in her lover’s arms, hiding nothing from her beautiful girlfriend. “I love you too.”_

 _Willow_ _gave a soft sigh as she nuzzled_ _Tara_ _’s neck. After a moment,_ _Willow_ _decided to tease her girlfriend, and ran the tip of her tongue up and down_ _Tara_ _’s neck with thorough slowness. The blonde witch shivered and wrapped her arms tightly around_ _Willow_ _, desperate for more._ _Willow_ _could sense this, and thus decided that more teasing was in order._

 _Ever so slowly the redhead planted soft kisses along_ _Tara_ _’s jaw line and up to her ear where she nibbled at the lobe gently._ _Tara_ _couldn’t help but moan softly. She knew_ _Willow_ _was teasing her on purpose, and as much as she liked it, she knew that if she didn’t get more stimulation soon she’d have to actually resort to begging her girlfriend for more._

 _Tara gasped as she felt Willow gently suck on her pulse point, and she desperately yanked the girl closer, having quickly reached the point of pleading that she had just been thinking of. “Oh Willow – please – oh Goddess –_ _Willow_ _–”_

 _Knowing that she had teased long enough,_ _Willow_ _finally moved to capture_ _Tara_ _’s lips with her own, gripping the blonde witch with force powered by raw desire. Tara moaned as Willow nibbled at her bottom lip, suckling it gently before finally plunging her tongue into her girlfriend’s mouth._ _Tara_ _instantly seized the opportunity to clamp her lips around_ _Willow_ _’s tongue and suck hard. It was_ _Willow_ _’s turn to gasp, her desire spiking as_ _Tara_ _continued her sweet sucking. When_ _Tara_ _finally released her hold on_ _Willow_ _’s tongue, the redhead recovered enough of clear thought again to roll_ _Tara_ _over so that_ _Willow_ _had her pinned. Then the girl’s mind went blank again as the haze of passion took hold. She kissed_ _Tara_ _again and again._

 _Somehow between kisses_ _Willow_ _had managed to work_ _Tara_ _’s tank top up her body and the blonde automatically lifted her arms so the garment could be thrown aside._ _Tara_ _had worn no bra underneath, so_ _Willow_ _had free reign of her bare chest, and planned to take full advantage of this. She moved down to kiss Tara again, but this time sucked at her neck a little before moving slowly down her neck and down the soft spot of skin between her breasts._ _Tara_ _moaned and clenched the covers. To her,_ _Willow_ _’s kisses felt like jolts of sheer pleasure slowly being administered to the tenderest places on her body. When_ _Willow_ _slowly kissed along the side of_ _Tara_ _’s left breast, the blonde witch couldn’t help but arch her back in sweet agony. She was aching for_ _Willow_ _’s suckling, and she sighed in content and utter bliss when_ _Willow_ _complied, gently taking_ _Tara_ _’s nipple into her mouth._

 _Willow smiled when she heard Tara sigh, giving a little sigh of her own. The taste of_ _Tara_ _’s nipple in her mouth was_ beyond _intense, and_ _Willow_ _marveled still at how she was lucky enough to have met the blonde she was currently ravishing. With her other hand, she reached up and massaged Tara’s other breast, feeling its gentle weight in her hands as she rolled the nipple between her fingers._ _Tara_ _felt even more like she was floating as_ _Willow_ _caressed her, sucked at her, made her feel whole._

 _Eventually,_ _Willow_ _replaced her mouth with her hand so that she was massaging both of_ _Tara_ _’s breasts as she kissed a trail down the blonde’s stomach. Tara didn’t want Willow to have to cease her massage, so she ripped off her shorts and underwear as the kisses moved lower and lower. The redhead giggled when the clothing was tossed aside, knowing exactly why_ _Tara_ _had chosen to do it herself. She looked up into her lover’s eyes for one more moment. “I love you,”_ _Willow_ _said firmly. “Let me show you how much.”_ _Tara_ _didn’t have a single moment to think or react before_ _Willow_ _’s tongue was inside her._

 _Tara_ _threw her head back and gasped as flashes of white light shone behind her eyes. Just the sensation of_ _Willow_ _being within her sent her close to the edge. She moaned unashamedly as the redhead thrust her tongue in and out, finding the girl’s inner pleasure point and making sure to lick it hard._ _Willow_ _herself was quite enjoying herself too – the feel of_ _Tara_ _’s inner walls clenching around her tongue sent tingles of passion and desire through_ _Willow_ _’s skin. Deciding she wanted her girlfriend to explode, and not just to climax,_ _Willow_ _moved her fingers and rubbed at_ _Tara_ _’s clit._

 _Indeed,_ _Tara_ _’s sharp cry was proof that_ _Willow_ _had upped the pleasure scale. The ecstasy the blonde was already feeling was so intense that she was almost afraid of what her climax would feel like. She was close to the edge, and_ _Willow_ _could tell as the girl’s core tensed around her tongue and didn’t relax in the slightest. The redhead could feel her girlfriend begin to quiver, as if every muscle in her body was attached to her center and was preparing for the inevitably sensational release. Willow increased her pace and the firmness of her movements, desperately wanting_ _Tara_ _to feel complete and ultimate pleasure. “Oh Goddess!” Tara gasped breathlessly as she hit her peak, and then time stopped._

 _It was as if everything was in suspended animation –_ _Tara_ _’s intake of breath, the beating of her heart, the rush of blood in her veins – all paused in mid-action._ _Tara_ _felt for a moment as if she was weightless, as if in another realm as her body trembled violently…and then she came._

 _The spikes of pleasure that shattered every nerve in her body were so powerful that_ _Tara_ _didn’t have the breath to voice her release at first. She had never felt such an intense orgasm in her whole life. Every single part of her body and even her soul screamed in sheer ecstasy, burning with_ _Willow_ _’s love. Finally gulping in air,_ _Tara_ _’s scream left her throat and formed_ _Willow_ _’s name as she was enveloped in pulsating tendrils of fiery bliss that found every crevice in her entire being and filled them up with physical joy._ _Tara_ _’s orgasm was so amazingly intense that some of it transferred to_ _Willow_ _as she drank the nectar pouring from her loved one. The instant_ _Tara_ _’s essence entered her mouth the redhead too was awash with an indescribable sensation that left her whole body shuddering. It wasn’t as powerful an orgasm as_ _Tara_ _’s but it was powerful enough._

 _After nearly a full minute,_ _Tara_ _’s convulsions finally began to subside as what felt like living spirits of pure pleasure finally dissipated within her body. She could feel her heart pounding at an alarming rate, and she was flushed and sweating, weakened by the rush of ecstasy._ _Willow_ _had finally lapped up all of her lover’s essence and was crawling back to the head of the bed when she gasped._

 _“_ _Tara_ _…” The blonde was surrounded by a golden glow that was slowly fading along with the aftershocks of her orgasm. Willow looked at her own hands and noticed that she was glowing with the same fading light, though it was obviously nowhere near as bright as Tara was in the first place._

 _“Willow…”_ _Tara_ _replied, also having noticed the glow. The two witches smiled in awe as_ _Willow_ _lay down beside her lover, stroking the girl’s hair tenderly._

 _“Wow…that…even_ I _felt that…”_ _Willow_ _said in shock._

 _“Oh Goddess, Willow…that was so incredible… I can barely believe it was real._ _Willow_ _,”_ _Tara_ _turned to face the redhead. “That touched my_ soul _.”_

 _Willow_ _frowned in confusion. “How…?”_

 _Tara_ _smiled as the realization hit her. “You said you were going to show me how much you loved me…and I guess the Powers That Be made sure it came true. Willow…”_ _Tara_ _wrapped her arms around her girlfriend. “I still can’t really find words to describe how wonderful that felt.”_

 _“Well, now you know how deeply I love you,” Willow giggled, pulling_ _Tara_ _closer and resting her head on the girl’s shoulder. “Which is very, very much.”_

_“Mm, I love you too, Willow,” Tara said with a sigh as she snuggled up against Willow’s cool body, seeing as her own skin was still nearly searing. “I love you too.”_

_Exhausted by the amount of ecstasy that had filled her body,_ _Tara_ _drifted off to sleep immediately,_ _Willow_ _not far behind._

Willow opened her eyes to see that all the spiders and rats had backed as far as they could into the corners of the shabby stone cell, packed together as if they wanted to melt into the walls. The rats were looking at her with unmistakable fear in their eyes. Willow couldn’t help but snicker.

“Nyah, nyah,” Willow taunted quietly, saying the words more in victory to herself than to the vermin that shared her little prison, figuring that _that_ memory would keep them at a distance for a _long_ while.

…

It was Faith’s turn to have a nightmare.

Much like Buffy’s odd dream, she was walking down a long, deserted corridor. There was no light spare the little blue spark that wavered in front of her. Faith would have thought it to be just an odd-colored firefly had it not been slowly guiding her trip down the mysterious passageway. The rogue said nothing as she followed, but soon began to wonder.

“Where are you taking me?” Faith finally asked, as if expecting the blue firefly to answer her. The firefly of course said nothing, but did a little loop-de-loop in the air before continuing along. Resignedly, Faith continued to follow.

After what felt like an eternity and at the same time two seconds, the light suddenly winked out. Panicking, Faith blindly stumbled forward…and out into broad daylight. She whirled around to try and see where she’d come from, but there was no dark tunnel – only the motel she’d stayed in. Though extremely puzzled, she walked up the outside metal staircase nonetheless and went to the door of her room. She opened the door to find Buffy lying on the bed under the covers, naked, bruised, and shivering.

“Buffy!” Faith cried as she slammed the door behind her, running to kneel by the hurt Slayer. “Oh Buffy, what happened?” Buffy carefully opened one black eye.

“Oh Faith, it hurts. It hurts so much.”

“Oh God, Buffy, what happened?”

“ _They_ did it,” the blonde whispered fearfully.

“Who? Who are ‘they’?” Faith asked desperately. Buffy simply curled up in a tighter ball, shivering more. Faith turned to the closet. “Here, let me get you something to wear…” She had opened the door to find herself in Giles’ house. Looking behind her she saw the cobblestone path back to the street, no trace of Buffy or the motel room. Getting more fearful by the second, Faith stepped inside and shut the door.

When she turned around again, the rogue Slayer heard giggling and saw movement on the couch. She tentatively walked around to the other side and found Willow and Tara huddled together, whispering about something. “Hey…guys?” Faith asked.

The two witches turned to her. “Yes?” Tara asked nonchalantly.

“Um, I went back to my hotel room and found Buffy all hurt and beaten,” Faith said slowly. “Could you maybe come help me get her home and clean her up?”

“How do we know _you_ didn’t hurt her?” Willow said as she and Tara stood up.

“I would _never_ hurt Buffy!” the rogue protested, suddenly very scared of the two girls who were circling her.

“But you did before,” Tara said calmly, her blue eyes piercing Faith’s brown ones.

“But that was before!” the Slayer cried. “I’d never hurt her now! Or ever again!”

“How do we know you’ve changed?” was Willow’s even-toned questioned. The witches were circling faster.

“I have changed!” replied Faith, now more angry than scared. “Willow, you should know about change! You went from bad witch to good witch!”

When Willow stood before Faith again, the girl’s hair was black, as were her eyes. Tara’s eyes and hair had also taken on the same shade of darkness. “Who says I’m not still ‘bad witch’?” Willow asked in a voice much deeper than her normal one. The rogue Slayer was so stunned that she didn’t have time to react when Willow whirled her around and pinned her from the back. _They,_ Buffy’s voice echoed in the rogue’s mind, and she realized in horror that the blonde Slayer had been referring to Willow and Tara. Faith couldn’t even utter one last cry as Tara broke her neck…

Faith sat bolt upright in bed, sweating and shivering at the same time. At Faith’s movement, Buffy too awoke, looking at the rogue in concern. “Faith? What’s wrong?”

When Faith saw Buffy, she wrapped the blonde in a tight hug and sobbed into her shoulder – terrified, hard shell finally shattered for good. “Oh God, Buffy, I’d never hurt you. I’d never, ever hurt you, oh God believe me I never wanna hurt you ever, oh Buffy, I’d never hurt you…”

Buffy held Faith in confusion as the girl continued to cry, the wracking sobs overtaking her. When the rogue had finally calmed down, Buffy lifted the girl’s chin and asked, “What happened?”

Faith haltingly described her dream through tears, making sure not to miss a single detail. When she’d finished, Buffy’s expression was that of someone very weary. “This is becoming frustratingly horrifying,” she groaned. Then she gently kissed Faith’s forehead. “Come on. Let’s get some sleep now, ‘cause tomorrow’s gonna be one of those long scary research days.” Faith’s giggle came out as more of a choke, but it made Buffy smile anyway as she held the rogue close.

…

Downstairs, Giles was very softly playing “Bridge Over Troubled Water” by Simon and Garfunkel on his guitar while Xander lay snoring on the couch. The Watcher paused in mid strum as he sang the chorus, thinking there was possibly some significance to the lyrics. After a moment, he just shrugged and kept singing and playing.

Up in heaven, Tara, who had been watching Giles play, _did_ recognize the significance of the lyrics and smacked her hand to her forehead, hoping that Dawn would contact her soon.


	10. The Bridge

Xander had to make two pots of coffee the next morning – everyone had switched into extreme research mode. “I’m gonna talk to Tara,” Dawn said when she’d finished a hasty breakfast.

Everyone else looked up from their own breakfast in shock when Faith leapt up and said, “I’ll come too.” Dawn looked at her with curious incredulousness. “I had one of those ‘death-by-Tara-and-Willow’ dreams,” Faith explained. “I wanna ask Tara something.”

“Whatev’,” Dawn said after a moment. “Let’s go.” The two girls disappeared from the kitchen and could be heard clomping up the stairs. Anya frowned and stabbed her oatmeal with her spoon.

“How come I haven’t gotten to talk to Tara yet?” she whined. Xander patted her shoulder.

“Don’t worry, Ahn. You’ll get your chance,” he said reassuringly.

“Unless Dawn unleashes her possessive side,” Buffy pointed out. “Of course, then Faith won’t be contacting Tara either.”

“Oh yeah, did you two have sex last night?” Anya asked shamelessly. It took all of Buffy’s willpower to keep herself from throwing her oatmeal at the ex-demon.

…

“Hey Dawn, hey Faith, how are you?” Tara asked when she was drawn to the two living girls. Dawn was about to say something, but Faith spoke faster.

“I had a dream where you and Willow killed me, just like the others did. Only…I was already in my dream, so the reference to me was…well…me.”

Tara frowned in thought at Faith’s words while Dawn frowned in annoyance at the fact that the rogue had spoken first. “I’ve got a suspicion about those dreams,” said Tara. “Something or someone is trying to prevent all of you from uniting me and Willow, so it’s sending you these dreams in order to try and convince you not to do it. I think the Powers That Be interfered with Anya’s, Buffy’s, and Dawn’s dreams to let them know you were coming, Faith. Then, once you entered the picture, our mysterious opposing force tried to make you not want to bring Willow and me together either. But I still can’t figure out what and why.” Tara’s shoulders slumped and she hung her head. “That’s all I have to offer.”

“That’s more than enough, Tara,” Dawn said. “You don’t even really need to help us at all – ” Tara’s head snapped up and there was more fire and anger in her eyes than Dawn had ever seen.

“I’m thinkin’ that was the wrong thing to say…” Faith murmured, shrinking back a little. But Tara did not attack. As angry as the young woman was, her kind nature prevented her from hurting anyone she loved. When she spoke, the blonde witch’s quiet voice had an undertone of fierce resolve.

“The woman I love more than anything in all the realms is sitting in Hell as we speak, surrounded by spiders and rats, alone, without me. Anything I can do to get her by my side I will do without hesitation, and I refuse to just sit and watch and wait for something to happen.”

Dawn was stung. Though Tara’s tone was not harsh, it was an obvious reprimand. It was the second time Dawn had made Tara angry, and she was beginning to wonder if it was even right for her to contact the witch anymore. The young Summers girl sat in silence as Faith spoke instead.

“We’ll get Red back to you. We’ll get it done.”

Tara arched an eyebrow. “Red, huh?” Faith just shrugged in response, then all three of them frowned as a chill wind began to swirl around them.

“ _This_ isn’t supposed to happen…” Dawn stated fearfully.

“I kinda figured that,” was Faith’s retort.

“Uh oh…” Tara was looking down at the rope that connected her to Faith and Dawn. Strands of black were encompassing the golden thread, almost as if to suffocate purity with evil. Without warning, the wind became so fierce that it was a deafening roar in everyone’s ears. All three girls held on tight to the connection, though they knew it wouldn’t last long. “I have one last thing to tell you!” Tara shouted over the wind. “I heard Giles singing last night and it made me remember something! There’s a bridge – ” The connection snapped.

Faith and Dawn were hurled into the walls of Dawn’s room where they both hit with a sickening thud. The two girls crumpled to the floor as everyone else in the house bolted up the stairs. Faith groaned and tried to sit up, but Dawn, who had no Slayer strength, didn’t move.

“Dawn? Dawnie?!” Buffy cried as she entered the room, kneeling beside her sister along with the rest of the Scoobies.

“I think she’s just knocked out,” said Faith, a little disgruntled that no one seemed to care about her. She became less disgruntled however when Buffy flew to her side and kissed her forehead firmly before helping her to her feet.

“Downstairs. Everybody. We need to know what happened,” Buffy said firmly. No one argued. Xander stooped to pick up Dawn before they all hurried down the stairs.

…

“So lemme get this straight, we’ve got the Powers That Be telling us to get the girls back together and another power telling us to keep them apart and their trying to smack us at the same time?” Xander asked. The Scoobies were all in Buffy’s living room, Dawn finally awake and grouchy.

“Not all of us,” Buffy said. “So far, just the girls.”

“Probably because we all had the closer connections to Tara,” Anya said. “Except you, Faith, but also being female you can relate to female angst. It’s all quite logical.”

“By whose logic?” Faith quipped.

“What else did Tara say?” Giles interrupted, turning to Faith and Dawn. Dawn took the initiative.

“Tara said she saw you singing last night, singing a song that reminded her of something,” the young Summers girl said. “She managed to shout something about a bridge before the connection was snapped.”

Giles frowned a moment, taking off his glasses and polishing them. “Why yes, I was playing ‘Bridge Over Troubled Water’ on my guitar.”

“Huh?” Buffy asked in confusion.

“Like a bridge over troubled water,” Faith suddenly sang softly. “I will lay me down.” There was a stunned silence, and Faith blushed. “What?” she asked, noticing everybody’s expressions.

“I didn’t know you could sing,” Buffy said, her mouth agape. Faith just blushed deeper and shrugged.

“Huh…that song sounds dirty,” said Anya. Everyone rolled their eyes.

“Way to keep it touching, Anya,” said Xander.

“What?” the ex-demon asked innocently.

“Ok,” Buffy interjected. “So we know there’s some bridge, maybe one that’ll get Willow through Hell without, er, _too_ much trouble… Giles? Any knowledge you could enlighten us with?”

Giles paused and rested his elbows on his knees. “I can’t remember anything specific details, but I vaguely recall reading something about a bridge in Hell. I can call the Watcher’s council, perhaps – see if they have anything that could help us.”

“Will they agree to that? So far my experiences with any Watcher other than you have been rather…interesting,” Buffy said. Giles rolled his eyes, but in amusement.

“I can assure you, Buffy, that they’ll help. I can’t assure you they’ll be happy about it, but they will. They do owe me plenty of favors, anyhow.”

Buffy grinned wryly at this. “In the meantime, let’s the rest of us try to find something local. Xander? You and Dawn search the net, try and find anything. Faith? You and Anya check through the spellbook Tara had you find and go through her other books along with Willow’s too. I’ll check with Spike.” She paused, realizing that she had unwittingly gone into boss mode. “Um, everyone cool with that?”

“Five by five, B,” said Faith, showing off her usual cocky smile.

Buffy sighed in relief. “Right then. Battle stations, everyone. Willow’s going to heaven if I have to drag her ass there myself.”

…

Spike was awakened by a fairly hard slap upside the head. Judging by the force behind it, he knew instantly that it was Buffy.

“Ow! What?! Bloody hell, woman, what?!”

“Need info. You might have it. If you do, I want it. Simple enough for you?”

Spike glared at her. “No. Maybe if you drew me a little picture?”

“Good idea! I’ll draw it with your entrails!” Spike sat up fast.

“All right, I’m listening. What do you want?”

Buffy sat opposite him on his bed. “You ever hear of a bridge over Hell?” Spike frowned.

“Yeah, what of it?”

“Well, if Willow can use it instead of having to hike through every level of Hell, we’re going to make sure she crosses. Do you know anything more about the bridge?”

Spike was looking at Buffy incredulously. “Are you off your rocker? _Nobody_ crosses that bridge! It exists, yeah, but it’s like an extra level of Hell!”

“Just…tell me about it,” Buffy cut him off. She wanted Willow out of Hell almost as desperately as Tara did. “Can it be crossed?”

Spike sighed. “Yeah, it can. It’s bloody difficult, but it can be done. There’s some major mojo that goes with it though, and someone has to be on the Purgatory-Limbo-whatever end.”

“Tara can cover that,” Buffy said. “But what’s this about a big spell? And what about the other side of the bridge?”

Spike shrugged. “I haven’t got a bloody clue. All I know is that if Red thinks she’s in Hell now, she’ll be right surprised about what’s on that bridge…”

Buffy literally threw her hands up in exasperation. “My _God_ , you’re becoming as cryptic as Angel! Could you maybe be a _little_ more specific???”

Spike shrugged again, though with a bit more aggravation. “I said I don’t know! All I know is that it’s supposed to be worse than almost anything imaginable.”

“Comforting, coming from you,” Buffy shot back. “Thanks for the info. I guess I’ll have to save staking you for later.”

“I’m touched,” Spike called sarcastically after her as she left.

…

“I have some information,” Giles announced proudly as he entered the dining room with a pad of paper and a pen in his hand. Faith and Anya were behind a bunch of books while Xander and Dawn were glued to the computer. The Watcher’s words snapped them out of their monotonous searches, however, and they all looked up at him.

“Whatcha got?” Faith asked. Giles sat down at the remaining seat at the table while everyone crowded around him. Giles showed them what he’d written down.

“Well, there is indeed a bridge over Hell, aptly named the Hellbridge.”

“How original,” interrupted Dawn dryly. Giles rolled his eyes before continuing.

“Anyone in Hell can cross the Hellbridge so long as it’s anchored on one side and someone is waiting for them at the other end of the bridge, which is just outside the gates of Hell.”

“Tara can do that,” said Anya. “But how is the bridge anchored? It’s not like we can walk down a seriously long flight of stairs and nail it down to the floor of Willow’s Hell-cell.”

“Didn’t you work there once? Maybe you could get free passes,” Dawn mocked.

“You almost opened the door there, remember?” Anya replied in retaliation.

“Guys…chill,” said Faith. “How _do_ we anchor the bridge?”

“Well, Dawn was on the right track when she searched for a spell where we would all join forces,” Giles said. Dawn smirked in triumph while Anya rolled her eyes. Not noticing either of these actions, Giles went on. “A group of vessels on earth can use a powerful conjoining spell to anchor the bridge. However, they must keep the bridge anchored until the person crossing the bridge reaches the other side.”

“Did the Council tell you what the spell is?” Xander asked. Giles shook his head.

“They didn’t know what it was. They’re looking through all their old volumes now to try and find it.”

“Well, at least they’re being helpful for a change,” Xander said a bit glumly.

“To continue,” Giles said a little sternly before truly continuing. “The person crossing the bridge faces…or actually suffers…many vigorous trials along the way. The ritual of the crossing is called _Incedo Per Incendium_ , which literally translates to ‘Walk Through Fire.’”

“Hey, like that song we did,” said Anya. “Remember?”

“All too painfully,” replied Giles. “In any case, the trials are supposed to be…”

“Disturbing,” said a voice from behind the group. Everyone turned to see Buffy wearing a solemn face. “According to Spike it’s like a whole ‘nother Hell – just on a bridge.”

“Wh-what sort of things will Willow have to face?” Dawn asked fearfully. When Buffy didn’t respond, Dawn paled. “You…don’t know?”

Buffy shook her head. “What I do know is this. You are going to teach Anya and me the speaking spell so we can tell Tara and Willow all of this.”

“God! Finally!” said Anya.

“Why not me too?” Dawn asked angrily.

“Trust me when I say that what we have to talk about is really not for young ears,” Buffy said calmly.

“That and Tara’s kinda pissed at you,” Faith added. Buffy and Anya looked at her in shock.

“Thanks a billion, Faith,” Dawn growled, her voice dripping with venom. The rogue shrugged.

“Just tellin’ it like it is.”

“Hmph.”

“Dawn,” Buffy began. “You can explode at Faith later. Right now I need you to teach Anya and me the spell so we can talk to Tara and Willow. It really is important, Dawn. I need you on this.”

Glaring at her sister and the ex-demon, Dawn finally got up from her chair. “Fine,” she said grudgingly, and Anya and Buffy followed her up the stairs.

“I think I’m going to be very thankful that I missed the conversation,” Xander said.

“Ditto that,” was Faith’s reply.


	11. A Hell that Leads to Heaven

“Anya! Buffy!” Tara said with a grin when she saw two of her best friends. “How are you?”

“We’re good,” said Buffy, also smiling.

“How’s life?” Anya asked. “Er…afterlife?”

Tara didn’t frown at Anya’s comment but instead smiled sadly. “Just a little lonely.” Buffy nodded in complete understanding. After a moment of silence, Tara spoke again. “Did you find out about the Hellbridge?” Tara asked. “I tried to tell Faith and Dawn, but – ”

“Some scary evil power that doesn’t want you and Willow together broke the connection,” Buffy finished. “We kinda figured.”

Tara nodded. “The trapped spirits of Hell don’t really like having someone try to escape – especially if it’s to go to heaven.”

“Trapped spirits?” Buffy asked. Anya turned to the Slayer.

“They’re like prisoners,” the ex-demon explained. “They did wrong, they went to Hell, they’re miserable, they want to get out, and the thought of a fellow prisoner having the opportunity to get out is not a happy one. The spirits’ logic is if they can’t have freedom, no one else down there can – even if that spirit deserves to go to heaven.”

“Oh,” said Buffy. “Ouch.”

“But we can get Willow back,” Tara said. “The Powers That Be have shown us the way to get her to me. The Powers know that we’re soulmates, and to keep us apart is a sin in the magical realms. Willow and I are destined to be together, and it will happen.” Tara’s eyes were alight with determination, and her voice was filled with firm hope.

“There’s just one thing,” Buffy said. “About the Hellbridge…” Both Anya and Tara frowned as they looked at Buffy. The Slayer sighed. “The first time I talked to Spike he was pretty stubborn, and he didn’t give me anything useful except the information that the trials on the Hellbridge were fierce ones.”

“Go on,” Tara urged warily, sensing that there was more to the story.

“Well, I was halfway home when my frustration finally got the better of me. I ran all the way back to Spike’s crypt and demanded more information. He must have seen rage in my eyes – and the pointy object in my hand – and thus told me _all_ he knew…which included the trials on the bridge…”

“Buffy, I need to know,” Tara said, though she was looking more scared by the minute. Even Anya was beginning to look worried. Buffy sighed.

“You’re really not going to like this…”

“None of us have ever liked any news you brought us in the past,” Anya quipped sourly. “What makes this any different?”

Instead of getting irritated, Buffy just hung her head. “The bridge really is, as Spike said, another Hell. Whatever level you’re stuck in is how many trials you face. Willow will have to face seven. Purgatory and Limbo don’t count.” Buffy looked up at Tara, who was growing paler by the minute. “The trials are set to determine how much the spirit wants to get to heaven, and the spirit had better want it very much.”

Tara gulped. “Wh-why?” she whispered, her voice shaky.

Buffy gulped too. “The trials include torture – burning, whipping, metal-spiked clubs, and even worse. It won’t kill her, ‘cause she’s already dead, but it will hurt. And…” Buffy took a deep breath. “Then there’s the abuse…the molesting…and possibly…violation…” Buffy trailed off. After a moment of silence, she looked up at Tara.

The blonde witch was trembling, her fists clenched in rage as tears streamed down her face. “You mean to say that there’s a strong possibility that Willow would be _violated_ on that bridge?!”

Anya winced at Tara’s fury, never having seen the normally placid young woman so angry before. At Tara’s demanding question, Buffy hung her head again and nodded.

 _“NO!”_ Tara yelled in pure and undiluted rage, clutching at her blonde tresses as if to rip them out. When she looked straight at Buffy and Anya, the blue sea in her eyes was no longer calm but fiercely stormy. The witch visibly crackled with energy, and Buffy and Anya did their best to lean back to escape a possible attack. But after a minute or so Tara finally took deep breaths and dropped her hands to her sides, regaining at least some of her composure. Her eyes were filled with tears as she looked pleadingly at Buffy. “Is there no other w-way?” the witch asked in a trembling voice. The Slayer sadly shook her head.

“No…there isn’t.”

Tara sighed. “We have to tell Willow. She needs to know this before she risks crossing. You’ll have to break this spell and then do the double spell to talk to both of us.” Buffy and Anya nodded.

“Oh!” said Anya, remembering suddenly. “We brought you something!” Tara looked at the ex-demon in confusion as Anya slid the engagement ring Tara bought for Willow off her pinkie and onto the golden thread. “We couldn’t figure out how to send the box with it.”

Tara smiled. “Keep the box. Maybe one of you will use it someday.”

“Maybe,” said Buffy wryly. “Ready Anya?” she asked, turning to the girl beside her.

“Ready,” Anya replied. And with that both girls used all their mental and spiritual energy to push the ring down the golden thread. Tara watched in anticipation as they did so. The ring’s movement was slow, and thus the job was tedious.

“Push harder!” Buffy said through gritted teeth.

“No, _you_ push harder!” Anya retorted.

Finally, the ring made it within Tara’s reach and she snatched it off the golden thread, breaking the connection. Anya and Buffy fell back on Dawn’s bedroom floor. Taking half a minute to breathe, they got up and prepared to do the double speaking spell.

…

“Tara!” Willow cried out when she saw her true love. Tears streamed down her face as she reached out to her, though the golden thread around her waist kept her away. Tara cried too as she smiled at her loved one.

“Hey, sweetie,” the blonde witch said, managing not to choke on her tears.

“Hi Willow,” Buffy said cautiously. Willow turned towards the Slayer and Anya.

“Buffy!” the redhead exclaimed in shock. “Anya! Hey!”

Anya smiled and waved while Buffy spoke. “Don’t suppose I have to say that I miss you,” the Slayer said sadly. Willow winced.

“I’m sorry, Buff,” the witch said sincerely. “I had to. You know that.”

“I know,” Buffy replied. “I just…kinda wish I could’ve said a proper goodbye.”

“Me too,” said Willow sadly. “Not exactly easy leaving my best friends behind.”

Tara watched the exchange fondly for a moment before speaking up. “Willow, we found a way to get you back to me.”

Willow’s eyes lit up. “Really? How?” then she paused. “Would I…um…even be allowed in heaven?”

Tara paused. “Do you love me?”

The question shocked Willow. “More than anything in any realm, Tara!” she answered instantly. “You have my heart!”

Tara smiled. “Then you’ll be allowed in heaven. The Powers That Be know that your dark days were driven by love. You belong here with me, and it _will_ happen.”

Willow nodded and both witches smiled warmly. Anya took her turn to intervene. “There’s just one little catch in the whole ‘bringing you two together’ thing.” Willow turned to the ex-demon.

“How I get there, right?” Anya nodded.

“Will, have you ever heard of the Hellbridge?” Buffy asked. Willow nodded.

“Yeah, I’ve heard a little bit about it. I’m guessing that’s my road?”

“Yep,” said Anya. “There’s a lot of pain and torture involved, but that’s your path.”

“You haven’t changed a bit,” said Willow with dry sarcasm. She then turned to Tara. “Baby, what does she mean?”

“The Hellbridge tests the will of the spirit – how much the spirit wants to get to heaven. You’ll…if you cross the bridge, you’ll suffer seven trials – one for each level you have to pass, including the level you’re in.”

“S-suffer?” Willow asked in a trembling voice. Tara swallowed hard.

“The trials…aren’t really trials. You can’t really fight anything. You just have to endure the pain and continue. Nothing will kill you, but it hurts just as badly. It’s torture…”

Tears flowed freely down Tara’s face. Seeing that the blonde witch couldn’t continue, Buffy and Anya took turns telling Willow about what the “trials” entailed. When the two girls were done, the redhead looked more contemplative than terrified. Finally, she took a deep breath and put on her famous resolve face.

“Tara,” Willow said quietly. Tara looked up to see the finality of the decision in Willow’s eyes, her lover’s jaw set in fierce determination. “I will cross the Hellbridge. I will suffer the trials. I will get to you. Remember what we sang once? ‘And we are caught in the fire/The point of no return/So we will walk through the fire/And let it burn.’ I will traverse this Hell that leads to heaven. I will walk through the fire, I will let it burn, and I will be in your arms. No amount of torture is going to stop me from being with you.”

Willow’s words touched Tara so deeply that the blonde lost control and burst out sobbing. “I love you, Willow,” she managed to choke out through tears. Willow smiled at her longingly.

“Oh darling, I love you too.”

Tara gave a little hiccup. “I just want you out of there. And with me,” the witch said, her voice quavering. To the surprise of Anya, Buffy, and Tara, Willow smiled wryly.

“Oh, I made it a little more tolerable,” the redhead said triumphantly.

“How?” Tara asked, a bit stunned.

“Well, I discovered that happy memories of the two of us make the spiders and rats back away. Recently I mentally replayed the memory of what happened the night after we danced at the Bronze for your twentieth birthday…”

Tara paused for a moment, then the actions of that night came rushing into her brain. “Oh…” she said softly, starting to blush a furious red. Willow actually grinned.

“Now they won’t come anywhere _near_ me – they’re all huddled up against the walls and looking at me like I’m some freaky goddess.”

“You are a goddess,” Tara said, finally smiling. “You’re _my_ goddess.”

Willow blushed too. “Any you’re mine,” she replied softly. Tara beamed.

“Ok, I’m suffocating on the mushiness here,” said Anya finally, sounding a little annoyed. Tara and Willow giggled.

“You really haven’t changed, have you?” Tara asked, remembering Willow’s earlier comment. Anya just shrugged.

“Um, back on topic,” said Buffy. “Can you get to your end of the bridge?” she asked Tara. The witch nodded.

“Yes, it’s anchored to a specific spot in heaven. I can reach it easily.”

“Good,” replied Buffy. “So that’s set. Now all we have to do is hope the Council will give Giles the spell to let us anchor the bridge to where Willow is stuck.”

“Um, Buffy?” Tara said cautiously. “There’s a thing about that.”

“What?” the Slayer asked warily.

“Well, once you anchor the bridge on that side, you can’t let it go no matter what…and at least three people doing the group spell have to watch what Willow goes through.”

Buffy winced. “Well, if Spike agrees to help, that makes seven of us, so Dawn can be spared.”

Willow did the mental math for a moment. “Wait, who’s the seventh?”

“Faith came over,” Anya said simply.

“What?!”

“Will, it’s ok, she’s changed quite a bit,” Buffy reassured.

“Let’s hope…” said Willow.

“Willow, _I_ trust her,” said Tara gently. Though Willow was surprised for a moment, she nodded.

“And I trust you. Therefore, I guess I’ll be trusting Faith,” the redhead said with resolution.

Buffy smiled at this and turned to Tara. “Anything else I need to know?”

“Well, you can talk to Willow before she gets on the bridge, but then you can’t talk to her at all. Even if you try to say something, she won’t be able to hear or see you. I’ll be watching everything too – much the way I watch all of you from heaven – but Willow, when you come within my sight, I will be able to call to you and you can call to me.” Tara sighed. “That’s about it, I guess.”

“Good, ‘cause we’re running out of energy,” Anya said as bluntly as ever. Tara and Willow nodded in understanding before looking at each other.

“I love you,” Tara whispered, her words coming from deep within her soul.

“I love you too,” said Willow, her words springing from her own core. She planted a kiss on her hand and then mimed blowing it to Tara. The blonde reached up and caught the invisible gesture of love, then pressing it to her heart. She then placed a kiss on her other hand and blew it to Willow, who also caught it and pressed it to her heart. The lovers were still smiling at each other when Buffy’s and Anya’s energy ran out and the connection was broken.

…

Down in Hell, Willow closed her eyes and smiled, savoring the residual warmth that was Tara’s love. The redhead was so filled with love and hope that the spiders and rats, already backed into the wall, made as if to merge with the wall itself. A few spiders even shriveled up and died, disappearing into little puffs of smoke once they stopped moving. But Willow didn’t notice any of this. Though she sat in her dark cell, Willow was off in a pleasant dreamland where she and Tara held each other close on a bed of clouds.

…

In heaven, Tara lay back on the bed of clouds Willow was dreaming of and sighed in content. She could still feel Willow’s love pulsing through her veins, and she closed her eyes so as to savor the sensation completely. Tara too fell into a dream similar to Willow’s where the two of them lay naked in the soft clouds and whispered each other’s names.


	12. Hunting and Gathering

Giles spent over an hour on the phone with the Watcher’s Council getting all of the information for the bridge-anchoring spell. Everyone was waiting patiently with a large lunch when he came into the dining room. Giles gratefully sat down in front of his sandwich and set a large notepad on the table with notes scribbled all over it.

“So how’s it work?” Buffy asked when the Watcher had gotten comfortable. “How do we do this anchoring spell?”

“It requires a lot of work and many materials, but it’s fairly simple to do.”

“That’s…really not what I asked,” said Buffy after a moment.

“Oh…sorry,” said Giles, realizing his error. “Well, it works somewhat like this: a group of casters – that will be us – will sit in a circle around a bowl filled with a mixture set on fire. We all will have a two-word Latin phrase on a piece of paper that describes our relationship with the person who is to cross the bridge.”

“Why is it always Latin?” everybody but Anya asked at the same time. Anya rolled her eyes, but Giles was patient.

“It’s ‘always Latin’ because that was the first intelligent spoken language recorded in history. To continue: once we’ve all thrown in our identities, we say a final chant that will draw us into an ‘in-between realm’ of sorts. Our anchor spot will be there, though the bridge itself will be in Hell. We will be able to see Willow and talk to her before she steps onto the bridge. Once she steps on – ”

“We will not be able to talk to her and she wouldn’t hear us if we did,” finished Buffy. “Tara told Anya and me that.” Giles looked a bit disappointed and chagrined as Buffy continued. “And also once she’s on at least three of us in the circle will have to watch her face her trials.” Buffy turned to her sister. “You are to keep your eyes closed at all times.”

Dawn, Faith, and Xander all raised their eyebrows. “Normally I’d never take orders from you, I hope you know,” said Dawn. “But in this case I think I just might do as you say.”

“Trust me. You _really_ don’t want to watch,” Buffy said firmly.

“I kinda had that figured,” Dawn replied. She then turned to Giles. “Anything else we need to know about the spell?”

“Well,” Giles began, having just finished a bite of his sandwich. “We all need to look up our own identities, though it would help if Willow was contacted and she told us what we all were in her eyes, and also…” Giles blushed furiously, taking off his glasses and wiping them with a handkerchief. “Ah, the spell works best if everyone is, er, naked.”

The silence in the room was so thick that it was almost visible. The looks on everyone’s faces would have won every “Kodak Moment” contest on the face of the earth. After a long, _long_ moment, Faith finally spoke up.

“Um, please tell us that underwear will suffice?” she asked carefully.

Giles nodded, still blushing. “Yes, that will do.”

“Gentlemen, you are wearing undershirts,” Buffy commanded. All the girls nodded vigorously in agreement.

“I’m touched,” remarked Xander.

…

Neither Dawn nor Giles wanted to do the speaking spell and Buffy and Anya had no energy left. Therefore Faith taught Xander the double spell and the two of them connected to the two witches.

“Xander!” Willow cried out when she saw him, ignoring Faith completely. Tara smiled at this, knowing how close the two of them were.

“Hey, Will,” Xander said. Before he could say anything else, Willow spoke up again.

“I had to do it, I miss you, I love you, and don’t think otherwise. ‘Kay?”

Xander sat there slightly open-mouthed. “You saved me a lot of words there, Will,” he said with a slight grin. Then his face became serious. “I miss you and love you too.” The redhead smiled sadly and nodded.

“Hey, Xander. Hey, Faith,” said Tara, smiling at both of them. Willow finally turned to the rogue Slayer.

“Hi, Faith,” she mumbled reluctantly.

“Uh…hi,” Faith replied.

“What do you two need?” Willow asked, looking more at Xander than at Faith.

“Well,” replied Xander. “For the spell we need to know what we all mean to you so we can write our descriptive Latin phrases for the bridge spell.”

“The one we have to all go half-naked for,” Faith added in a grumble. There was a brief pause before Willow burst out laughing. If she hadn’t been in midair on a golden rope she would have been lying on her back in fits of hysteria. Tara too found this amusing – she was blushing fiercely and giggling behind her hand.

“Uh, Will? Faith and I don’t exactly have the most magical energy…” Xander began. Faith frowned at him, but didn’t disagree. Finally, both witches managed to compose themselves, Willow to confirm Xander’s request.

“So you need me to basically say something about everybody that’ll help you all find what you mean to me?” Willow asked. Xander nodded at this. “Well, let me start with you and Faith.” Willow turned to Faith. “Yeah, I hated you for the longest time.”

“With good reason,” Faith interrupted necessarily. Willow nodded in agreement.

“But if Tara and all the Scoobies trust you, then I see no reason why I shouldn’t. So I think we’re on the same side. And…” Willow paused. “Thanks for helping me out, I guess. You don’t really have a reason.”

“Uh, I’ve got plenty,” said Faith. “I held you captive, remember? I held a knife at your throat. I hurt you and your friends, and I regret that more than anything. Now’s my chance to make it up to you.”

Willow looked rather stunned. “Wow…thanks, Faith.”

Faith just nodded in return, then looked at Tara. “You…you really trust me?” Tara nodded, and Faith swallowed tears. She couldn’t really remember having been so accepted in her whole life. “Thanks,” the rogue managed to choke. Tara smiled warmly at her as Willow turned to Xander.

“Xander, you’ve been my friend forever. I don’t know what I’d have done without you. You saved the world, remember? You risked your own life to save me because you love me so much – you told me that that day.” Tears were streaming down Willow’s face, and Tara found herself crying too. She remembered how she’d cried so hard while watching Willow prepare to end the world, then had sobbed even harder in relief when Xander brought her back. “I love you, Xander,” Willow said.

Xander smiled, trying to hold back his own tears. “Love you too.”

“Um, the others,” Willow said, wiping her eyes frantically. Tara covered a sob with her hands, wishing she could hold her lover close to her, rub her arms until all the pain went away. “Uh, Giles. Well, he’s like a father I never really had. He was always there for all of us, no matter what. He wasn’t just Buffy’s Watcher, he was ours too. Anya…” Willow smiled a little wistfully. “Still the bluntest friend I’ve ever had. But still my friend, of course. Even when we released the troll.” Xander smiled briefly at that memory as Willow continued. “Spike, well, ah, he’s the most neutral bad guy I’ve ever met. I _still_ don’t know whose side he’s on. I suppose as long as he’s going to help…”

“We still need Buffy to convince him,” said Faith. “Don’t worry though – she’ll _definitely_ find a way.”

“Knowing Buffy, she sure will,” Willow smirked. “And, uh, Dawn. Dawn’s the youngest of all of us, but she’s still definitely one of the closest friends I’ve ever had. I think she was almost like a daughter to me and Tara.” The redhead turned to her loved one. “Um, am I right?”

“Perfectly,” Tara said, trying not to break down. “Buffy treated her like a sister, we were always there to play moms.”

Willow winced at her lover’s tears. “Oh, baby, please don’t cry,”

“I can’t really help it, Willow,” Tara said with a soft smile. “I miss you so much.”

“I miss you too, darling. I miss you too.”

“Hate to say it, but we’re drained,” Faith admitted. “Time for us to go.”

“Love ya, Will,” Xander said with his traditional lopsided grin. Willow smiled.

“Love you too, Xander.” Then the redhead turned to Tara. “I love you Tara.”

“I love you too, Willow.”

And with that, the connection snapped, and the four of them were all reeled back into the realms where they’d come from. Xander and Faith slumped to the floor, exhausted.

“That was…well, that was a hell of a trip,” said Xander breathlessly.

“Definitely true,” agreed Faith.

…

“You’re both all sweaty and you were up there for a while. You didn’t have orgasms together, did you?” was the first thing Anya asked when Xander and Faith came down the stairs. The ex-demon’s eyes narrowed suspiciously as she looked at the pair

“Anya, honey,” Xander began patiently. “It took us a long time because we had to ask Willow so many questions, and we’re all sweaty because we called Willow _and_ Tara _and_ held the spell for a long time.”

“I won’t deny that there’s a nice little head rush that goes with the spell,” inputted Faith, causing Xander to blush.

“Well I _knew_ that,” said Anya, folding her arms across her chest. “I did the spell too, remember?” Xander sighed in relief.

“So what’d you find out?” Buffy asked, though she was a bit unwilling to interrupt the amusing banter.

Xander and Faith quickly relayed Willow’s descriptions to the rest of the Scoobies. “And remind me again why we need to half-strip for this?” Faith added, still a little perturbed at the prospect of showing her bra and undies to the group.

“Faith, we will be creating a sacred circle with our spell,” Giles explained patiently. “Sacred circles can only be entered with perfect love and perfect trust, and ‘perfect trust’ implies nakedness.” The Watcher said the last bit with a blush and began to polish his glasses with a handkerchief.

“Yeah, the Wiccans that composed these spells were pretty pervy,” Anya said. Giles, Buffy and Dawn cringed, half expecting the Powers That Be to rain fury upon them, but thankfully, nothing happened.

“Geez, Anya, careful what to say! We want the Powers That Be on our side, remember?”

Anya looked pointedly at Dawn. “I could get D’Hoffryn to pull some strings if I wanted to. We have nothing to worry about.”

“But D’Hoffryn is a _demon_!” Dawn countered, arching an eyebrow. “Why would he be in _good_ standings with the Powers That Be?”

“ _YES!!!_ ”

Everyone jumped in shock and turned to Buffy. She had stood up so fast that she had knocked her chair over, and was gripping the edge of the table with a maniacal gleam in her eyes.

“Dammit, B, I almost jumped out of my skin!” said Faith, breathless with shock. She had been standing right next to the blonde Slayer when she shouted.

“You know, that’s actually possible,” said Anya calmly, though she was still looking warily at Buffy.

“Uh, Buffy? You’re leaving fingernail marks on the table,” Dawn said cautiously. Indeed, strips of wood were peeling under Buffy’s nails.

“Oh, sorry,” Buffy said, pulling her hands away. She looked around at the group, excitement plastering her face. “D’Hoffryn is a demon, right? Well he can go to Hell!”

Anya frowned. “That’s not very nice.”

“No, not what I mean! I mean, he can _go_ to _Hell_! He can get down there and maybe talk to Willow! Isn’t one of the levels for the vengeful or something?”

Anya shook her head. “I’m not sure about a vengeance level, but D’Hoffryn can probably still get to Willow. She’s in the Circle for violence, right?” When Buffy nodded, Anya frowned in thought. “Hm, it _is_ possible, I guess. That is, if D’Hoffryn still likes me after all the crap I’ve given him.”

“O-k, so it’s possible that the lord of all vengeance demons is mad at you,” Xander said. “Uh, you honestly didn’t have to give up your powers, honey.”

“I know _that_ ,” said Anya, glaring affectionately at them (an expression no one in the room thought was possible until that moment). “But I think he likes Willow, what after that scary ‘do my will’ spell she did.”

“That was definitely a cringe-worthy spell…” said Buffy, looking sick as she remembered how she and Spike had wanted to get married. Dawn and Faith looked at each other in confusion, but the Slayer just said, “Don’t ask.”

“Ok, so this is the plan if I see it correctly,” said Faith. “We start figuring out what we mean to Willow based on what she told us, we drag Spike’s ass in here, and we contact D’Hoffryn to see if he can get in touch with Willow.”

“He could probably help us with the Latin thing too,” said Anya. “Er, maybe. Plus, we should probably run our identities by Willow and Tara before we translate them.”

“Good idea,” Giles agreed. “The last thing we need is for the spell to go wrong. We should also refrain from getting the ingredients to the bridge spell until we confirm the identities with Willow and Tara.”

“Sounds good to me,” said Buffy. “Right, folks, let’s go hunting and gathering.”


	13. Eye of the Storm, Part One

Tara lay back on her bed of clouds in heaven, sighing as she looked up at the golden sky. Her heart ached to the point where she felt it had been ripped to pieces. All she could think about was Willow: how the girl had cried, and Tara wasn’t able to go to her; how much she missed every inch of her down to her soul; how all she wanted to do was hold the redhead close and whisper, “I love you” over and over again.

A tear made its way down her own cheek as images of a smiling, happy Willow flashed through her head. She smiled through her tears as she remembered how they had snuggled together at night, sometimes made love until dawn, and how every kiss radiated true love.

Tara frowned in thought suddenly. _If memories of me can make_ _Willow_ _suffer less, then I’m certain memories of her will ease the ache I feel…and hopefully not make it worse._ So Tara closed her eyes and let her thoughts drift back to the New Year’s Eve before Buffy’s mother had died…

“ _Thanks so m-much for letting us all have a N-New Year’s party here. I m-mean, you already had us over for that g-great Christmas dinner and, w-well, thanks,”_ _Tara_ _stuttered shyly, grateful indeed that she and the others would be spending New Year’s Eve at Buffy’s house and having a giant sleepover. Mrs. Summers smiled at_ _Tara_ _’s thanks._

_“It’s always a pleasure to have you all here, it really is,” she replied, noticing_ _Tara_ _’s nervous stutter and trying to reassure her that there was no need to be shy at the Summers’ house. “I’m glad we can all celebrate together. Plus I’m especially glad that I’m not in the hospital, so that’s definitely party-worthy,” Mrs. Summers added with a tiny smile. Hearing this, Dawn went over and hugged her mom tightly._ _Tara_ _smiled at the display of affection before leaving the kitchen and heading for the dining room._

_Xander, Giles, and Anya were helping to set out the snacks, Anya occasionally sneaking a potato chip. “Ahn, save some for later,” Xander chastised gently, though he couldn’t help but grin as he set out the various sodas and two bottles of champagne for when the ball dropped._

_“You need any help?”_ _Tara_ _asked._

_“I think we’re fine at the moment, but thank you,” Giles replied, smiling at her. Tara blushed at his kindness, nodded, and then went in to the living room._

_Buffy was trying to find the channel that had the not-quite-live broadcast of_ _Times Square_ _and all the New Year’s specials while_ _Willow_ _looked on. “You know,” said Buffy absently, “I’ve always wanted to go see the ball drop in_ _Times Square_ _, but living on the other side of the country kinda prevents that from happening.”_

_“Well, maybe someday we could all save up for a joint plane trip and go see it…if we can get through the mob of people all there for the same reason,” Willow replied, sounding tentative about the mob subject. Buffy shrugged._

_“Eh, we can camp out on the sidewalk the day before.”_

_“_ Just _how I want to spend my time,” said_ _Willow_ _, getting up from the TV and noticing_ _Tara_ _. “Hey,” she said with a wide grin on her face. Tara couldn’t help but smile in return as she wrapped her arms around her girlfriend, sighing contentedly as_ _Willow_ _returned the embrace. The redhead gave_ _Tara_ _a soft kiss on the cheek before asking, “How ya doin’? Excited?”_

_Tara_ _’s smile grew as the two of them pulled away just far enough so they could look each other in the eye. “A little.”_

_“Well, it’s only_ _seven o’clock_ _, so there’s plenty of time to get more excited. Not that way!”_ _Willow_ _added, her eyes widening as she realized why_ _Tara_ _was blushing._

_“‘Not that way’ what?” Buffy asked, having finally found the channel._ _Willow_ _and_ _Tara_ _sprang apart, still kind of uncomfortable about showing too much affection in front of their friends._

_“Nothing,” the two witches said at the same time. Buffy smirked._

_“You_ can _show emotion in front of all of us, you know. We’re not going to be all immature about it.”_

 _“Well, maybe Xander will be,” said Dawn as she walked into the living room. “I can just imagine his face…” she added, her smirk matching Buffy’s._ _Tara_ _’s blush deepened and_ _Willow_ _’s face reddened to match her girlfriend’s. “Hey guys!” Dawn exclaimed, looking at the TV. “The_ Sesame Street _New Year’s episode is starting!”_

 _In the space of two seconds, everyone was in the living room and sitting in front of the TV. For the next hour, they giggled as their favorite Muppets planned New Year’s Eve at the spur of the moment. Every so often someone went to get a plate of snacks, but everyone was there to clap when the seal bounced the beach ball off his nose in slow motion for the_ Sesame Street _ball drop. Even Anya clapped and grinned._

_“That’s a fascinating show,” Anya said as Dawn turned off the TV and Buffy went to get the bowl with the Charades slips that everyone had thrown in anonymously. “Who knew that puppets could be so lifelike and entertaining?”_

_“I love_ Sesame Street _,”_ _Willow_ _said fondly, resting her head on_ _Tara_ _’s shoulder. The blonde witch smiled._

_“Me too,” she agreed. “I always liked Grover and Kermit.”_

_“Me too,” said_ _Willow_ _._

_“I don’t know,” said Anya. “I’m kind of partial to Oscar the Grouch. He’s the only realist among them.”_

_“Anya, it’s a kid’s show. There’s only supposed to be one ‘realist,’” Xander said patiently._

_“But adults like us watch the show too,” she replied, a bit confused._

_“Well, yeah, but even still, it’s supposed to be an overly happy show and not a super-realistic one.”_

_Anya thought for a moment and shrugged. “If you say so.”_

_“Charades time!” Buffy said as she held up the bowl, and everyone sat down in front of the blank screen of the TV. Buffy put the bowl on top of the TV and asked, “Right, who’s first?”_

_“Mememememememeeeeee!” Dawn said, bouncing up and down. Buffy rolled her eyes but sat cross-legged on the floor as Dawn hopped up and pulled a piece of paper out of the bowl. She examined it for a moment before rolling her eyes the way her sister had and putting the paper next to the bowl. She then faced everyone and put her hands in the air._

_“Wait,” said Anya. “How do you play again?”_

_“Well, remember how you wrote things on pieces of paper?” Buffy began. “Someone has to pick a piece of paper and then act out what’s written on it without talking or making any noise. Then we all have to guess what it is.”_

_“Oh, ok,” said Anya. “Please proceed,” she said to Dawn, whose hands were still in the air. The young girl rolled her eyes again and started the hand movements._

_“Movie,” said Buffy._

_“That means movie?” Anya asked. Xander nodded. Dawn held up two fingers._

_“Two words,” said_ _Willow_ _._

_“You hold up how many words there are with your fingers?” Anya asked.  Xander nodded again as Dawn held up one finger. “I thought she just made the motion for two words?” Anya then protested._

_“Once you do how many words there are, the fingers you hold up next are for ‘first word’ or ‘second word,’” Mrs. Summers explained._

_“Oh,” said Anya as Dawn put four fingers on her arm. “What’s that mean?”_

_“That’s how many syllables are in the word,” replied_ _Willow_ _, trying not to be annoyed. Dawn was now pretending to faint._

_“Faint? No, that’s one syllable,” said Buffy, frowning._

_“Um, death? Dying? Suffering?” Giles tried._

_“Great with the morbidity, Giles,”_ _Willow_ _quipped with a grin. Giles looked at her a tad indignantly._

_“Falling?”_ _Tara_ _tried. Dawn shook her head and now waved her arms in a big arc before falling over again._

_“Explosion?” Mrs. Summers asked. Dawn finally shook her head and held up two fingers._

_“Second word…one syllable!” Anya said proudly._

_“See? Easy,” Xander congratulated her with a grin. Anya looked very pleased at herself. Dawn pointed to the clock, then to the floor._

_“Time…”_ _Tara_ _began. “Hour…Now?” Dawn nodded vigorously._

_“_ Apocalypse Now _,”_ _Willow_ _, Giles, and Buffy all said tonelessly, glaring at Xander as they remembered the movie night that turned into a set of scary dreams. Xander looked at them sheepishly._

_“What?” he asked._

_“It’s kinda hard to do ‘apocalypse,’ you know,” said Dawn as she sat back down._

_“Sorry,” Xander replied._

_“Will, why don’t you go up?” Buffy suggested. “I’m sure Giles doesn’t want to go,” (the Watcher nodded vigorously) “and I’m the one who brought out the bowl.”_

_Willow_ _shrugged. “Uh, ok.”_ _Tara_ _smiled as she watched her girlfriend shyly get up and pick a piece of paper out of the bowl. She knew_ _Willow_ _well enough that the simplest of movements told_ _Tara_ _exactly how the redhead felt. She blushed as she thought about exactly how far “feelings” could go, and_ _Willow_ _, noticing, tried not to giggle as she looked at her paper. She wrinkled her nose for a second before putting it by Dawn’s paper and facing everyone. She made a box with her hands in the air._

_“Shape?” Anya asked._

_“TV show,” Xander replied as_ _Willow_ _held up three fingers._

_“Three words,” confirmed Anya, still quite pleased at her success in learning the rules._

_“Four syllables…third word…what?” Buffy asked as_ _Willow_ _made circles with her thumbs and forefingers and hooked them together._

_“Link,”_ _Tara_ _said instantly. “_ The Weakest Link _.”_ _Willow_ _beamed at her girlfriend._

_“Whoa…” said Dawn, impressed._

_“Tara’s turn,” said Buffy. “And_ _Willow_ _, if you can read her mind as well as she can read yours, you’re not allowed to guess.”_

_“Darn,”_ _Willow_ _said as she sat down._ _Tara_ _blushed yet again as she got up and pulled a piece of paper from the bowl. Her heart sang when she saw what was written there. In_ _Willow_ _’s perfect handwriting, the word “candle” was written across the paper. Such a simple word to most people, but_ _Willow_ _had told_ _Tara_ _she loved her while the blonde held the redhead’s “extra-flamey” candle. Putting the paper down and turning to the audience,_ _Tara_ _made an “o” with her hand._

_“Object,” Xander said before Anya could ask._

_“One word…two syllables…” Dawn continued._ _Tara_ _pulled at her ear._

_“Earring?” Anya asked._

_“Sounds like,” Mrs. Summers replied to Anya’s question as_ _Tara_ _held her fists out like she was holding the handlebars of a bicycle. Willow frowned for a moment, then her face lit up as she realized what_ _Tara_ _’s object was._

_“Bike?” Buffy tried. Tara shook her head, then mimed opening a door, then went back to the bike fists._

_“Knob?” Anya tried. Tara shook her head and re-acted the opening of a door, only the kind that had a handle on it._

_“Handle!” said Dawn. Tara nodded vigorously, then held out her hands as if she was holding a wide candle, much like the kind_ _Willow_ _had handed her that life-changing night. The redhead was beaming even more._

_“Candle!” said Buffy, and_ _Tara_ _nodded with a grin. So Buffy got up and_ _Tara_ _sat down next to_ _Willow_ _._

_“Sorry I couldn’t make it extra-flamey,”_ _Willow_ _whispered in her girlfriend’s ear._

_“I’ll never forget that extra-flamey candle,” said_ _Tara_ _. “That was a special night.”_

_Willow_ _nodded in agreement. “Very special,” she said as she gently took her girlfriend’s hand._ _Tara_ _couldn’t help but smile blissfully as Buffy began her miming._

_…_

_After another hour or so of Charades, everyone finally got bored and turned the TV back on and started the movie_ The Fifth Element _as they waited for the time to get closer to_ _midnight_ _. The Scoobies moved all the snacks and drinks (except the champagne) into the living room too, not really seeing the point of keeping them in the dining room. Needless to say, the living room became a bit crowded, what with all the people and food. Tara soon became very bored with the movie, but she was unwilling to leave her place beside Willow, so she stayed put and suffered. It took all her willpower not to gasp, however, when_ _Willow_ _surreptitiously reached under the back of_ _Tara_ _’s shirt and ran a finger down her spine. When the blonde turned to glance at her girlfriend, she saw that_ _Willow_ _was smiling wryly._

_“Bored?” she whispered inquiringly._

_“A little,”_ _Tara_ _whispered truthfully back._

_Willow_ _patted the space on the floor in front of her, indicating that that’s where_ _Tara_ _should sit. Blushing,_ _Tara_ _complied. Even though the lights had been turned off so everyone could see the movie without interference, Tara was still incredibly nervous when it came to showing a large amount of affection in front of her friends: such as leaning back against Willow’s lithe frame as the redhead wrapped her arms around the blonde’s waist._

_“The lights are off, sweetie,”_ _Willow_ _said softly in her girlfriend’s ear. “And I wanna spend some quality snuggle-time with you on New Year’s Eve”_

_Tara smiled contentedly as she relaxed in Willow’s warm embrace, cherishing the feel of her lover’s hand making slow circles on her stomach. “I love you,_ _Willow_ _.”_

_“I love you too,_ _Tara_ _. Still bored?”_

_“Not a bit.”_

_…_

_Tara_ _and_ _Willow_ _detached themselves just in time to sit innocently when Buffy turned the lights back on after the movie ended. It was about_ _11:30_ _, so the live New Year’s Eve broadcast from_ _Times Square_ _was immediately turned on while Xander and Dawn got the streamers, confetti, and champagne. Everyone started chattering, occasionally eating munchies, drinking soda, or glancing at the TV._

_“_ _Tara_ _?”_ _Willow_ _asked as she watched Anya and Dawn in deep conversation._

_“Yes?”_

_“Why do you think we hide?”_

_Tara_ _was shocked by the bluntness of_ _Willow_ _’s question, and of course by the question itself. “I-I suppose it’s because w-we’re two g-girls in love, and not a n-n-normal c-couple, so t-to speak. W-we’re d-different, I g-guess.”_ _Tara_ _hid behind her hair as she said the last words, still not sure why she chose to answer the question in the first place._

_Willow picked up on the reason for her girlfriend’s stutter and squeezed her shoulder, lifting_ _Tara_ _’s chin with her other hand so as to bring_ _Tara_ _from her hiding place. “Hey, we_ are _a ‘normal’ couple. We’re two people in love, and that’s what’s important. I’m just…I wonder why it is that both of us are so embarrassed about showing our affection. I mean, Xander and Anya kiss in front of us all the time. Why shouldn’t we be able to kiss in front of everyone?”_

_“I’m afraid of w-what everyone m-might say,” said_ _Tara_ _quietly, dropping her head and starting to curl up into a ball._ _Willow_ _noticed this too and rubbed the blonde’s back._

_“Me too. I mean, I know they accept it, but…are they comfortable with it?”_

_“I d-don’t know.” Tears were springing to_ _Tara_ _’s eyes: she didn’t like where the conversation was going. “W-why are you asking th-this?”_

_Willow_ _lifted_ _Tara_ _’s chin again so she could look her true love in the eye. “’Cause nothing’s going to keep me from kissing my girl at_ _midnight_ _,” she replied softly._

_Finally understanding,_ _Tara_ _grinned and let out a sigh of relief as_ _Willow_ _squeezed her hand._ _Willow_ _smiled in return, utterly content._

_“Guys! Five minutes!” Dawn suddenly squealed in delight. Mrs. Summers and Giles both grabbed a bottle of champagne while everyone else sat eagerly in front of the screen. After what felt like an hour, even though it was only four minutes and fifty seconds, the countdown began._

_“Ten! …Nine! …Eight! …Seven! …Six! …Five! …Four! …Three! …Two! …One! …HAPPY_ _NEW_ _YEAR!!!”_

_Dawn threw confetti into the air while Buffy threw the streamers all over the room. Xander had his lips pressed to Anya’s, and upon seeing this, Willow turned to Tara and without a moment’s hesitation pulled her into a sound kiss. If the two hadn’t been kneeling on the floor,_ _Tara_ _was sure they would have fallen over as she went limp in her girlfriend’s arms. Every time their lips met,_ _Tara_ _became awash in bliss, savoring every single moment of Willow-ness. In turn,_ _Willow_ _felt the same way: safe, content, and in love. There was nowhere else she’d rather be on the first minute of the New Year than with_ _Tara_ _, wrapped in her arms. Buffy’s and Dawn’s cheers became whoops, and_ _Willow_ _and_ _Tara_ _pulled away, a blush creeping into their cheeks. But it was worth every second._

_“Now was that so bad?” Buffy asked with a chuckle. “Letting loose in front of us?”_

_“Not a bit,” said_ _Willow_ _, repeating_ _Tara_ _’s earlier words. Tara blushed deeper, but thoroughly enjoyed the feeling of a second kiss, if only a quick one._

_The champagne was poured and everyone talked and laughed until one am when they all started to wear out. So Giles slept on the couch and Mrs. Summers went to her bedroom while everyone else curled up in sleeping bags on the floor. They didn’t even continue to talk after the lights were out. Willow held her arms out again to Tara who quite willingly snuggled up in her lover’s embrace._

_“Happy New Year, baby,” Willow whispered._

_“Happy New Year, darling,” Tara softly replied._

Tara smiled and opened her eyes. True, it hadn’t been a memory of wild, passionate sex, but it was a tender and wonderful memory nonetheless. It was the eye of the storm, in a matter of speaking: the moment of calm before everything became chaotic again. Warmth filled Tara’s whole body, and she almost swore that it was the residue of Willow’s shining love from that night. Her smile growing even bigger, Tara closed her eyes again and dreamt of her soul mate.

…

The reaction Spike got when Buffy opened her back door late at night was not the one he expected. “Oh good! You’re here!” she exclaimed when she saw him, grabbing his arm and dragging the vampire inside. He was so stunned that it took him a moment or two to find his ability to speak.

 

“What the bloody hell’s wrong with you, Slayer?” Spike asked in shock as Buffy planted him on a kitchen stool. Faith and Dawn, who were attempting to make pizza, merely glanced at him before going back to work.

“We need your help,” Buffy said earnestly, a pleading look in her eyes as she faced the vampire. Spike sat in shock for a while before taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly – despite the fact that he had no need to breathe.

“All right,” he began slowly. “All right. Lemme just take a moment here to make sure I remember this forever: the day the Slayer asked me for help. Hey, you think maybe this chip on my head stores info like that?”

Dawn was tempted to throw a clump of questionable dough at him, but Buffy just crossed her arms. “ _Please_ , Spike. Just hear me out, will you?” The vampire paused again, then nodded and rocked back on the stool.

“Right then. I’m all ears.”

Spike was surprisingly quiet as Buffy explained everything, mostly because he was stunned. It was only when the blonde Slayer got to the part about the Hellbridge spell that he stopped rocking in the stool and looked at her incredulously.

“Are you off your rocker? There’s no way I’m helping with that spell! It’s bloody suicide!”

By this time Dawn and Faith had decided that the best ingredients for their pizza were a phone and the number of the local pizza parlor. They glared at Spike as Faith held the portable phone while Dawn leafed through the phonebook.

“Spike, this is _serious_. The Powers That Be are already trying to unite Willow and Tara, so they’re on _our side_. We just have to stop the trapped spirits from keeping Willow in Hell forever.”

“See, it’s the trapped spirits part that’s puttin’ me off – that and the fact that you’re actually going to try and call forth the Hellbridge.”

“Oh, _please_ ,” Dawn finally said. “You back-talked to a Hell-god, fought a demon guy for info, you later on fought the Hell-god _again_ along with the demon guy at the _same time_ , and yet you’re too chicken to help summon the Hellbridge and deal with a couple of pissed souls?”

“I learned my lesson from that Hell-god bitch: I’m not messing with that shit again!” Spike retorted, flushing from Dawn’s insult.

“Spike.”  The kitchen suddenly went very quiet due to the tone in Buffy’s voice. Even Faith had stopped dialing the number to the pizza parlor. The emotions on Buffy’s face made Spike stop short. There was a firm resolution in her expression spurred by her determination to save Willow, but there was also a trace of fear and pleading in her eyes. She didn’t quite know what to do, the vampire realized. She was feeling small, and scared, and needed all the help she could get.

Spike sighed and ran his hand over his bleached head. “Yeah, all right, I’ll help you get Red back to Blondie.”

He had barely finished his sentence when he found himself wrapped in a tight hug from both Buffy _and_ Dawn. Faith dropped the phone in astonishment, mouth hanging open as the two Summers girls said “thank you” over and over again. When the vampire got a kiss on each cheek, he leered playfully. “Maybe I ought to help you birds out more often,” he said with a bit of smugness in his voice.

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that,” replied Buffy as Faith shook her head to clear it before picking up the phone to order pizza.


	14. Eye of the Storm, Part Two

“Anya, that’s cheating!”

“No it’s not, is it?”

Dawn, Anya, Xander, and Faith were all playing Monopoly while they waited for the pizza to come. Faith had ordered ten, just in case (she and Buffy would probably demolish one each, and Spike had agreed to stay for dinner. Thankfully the pizza place delivered soda, too).

“Ahn, you can’t buy a house unless you have all three properties, and you only have two,” Xander said patiently.”

“Well why not?”

“Think of it this way,” Faith began. “If you wanted to build a house on Revello Drive, you’d have to own the whole street first.”

“But that’s not how it works in real life.”

“She’s got a point there,” Spike commented from his spot on the couch. Buffy rolled her eyes, but didn’t disagree.

“Well, the game says you have to own all the properties,” Faith said.

“So can I buy the other orange property?”

“You have to _land_ on it first!” Dawn said with exasperation.

“Remember the game LIFE? When you had to land on the money in order to get it?”

Anya’s face fell. “Oh. Fine.” She rolled the dice resignedly…and landed on Free Parking. “Cool!” she explained as she took the big pile of money from the center of the board. The other three players groaned as Faith took a $500 bill from the bank and put it on the board.

“How is it that she can be so good at these games without ever having played before?” Dawn grumbled. Xander and Faith just shrugged.

Dawn was finally catching up to Anya on the board when the pizza and soda arrived. After paying the delivery boy a whopping sum (plus tip), everyone devoured the pizza – even Giles. Once that was done, Spike and Buffy joined the Monopoly game while Giles sat and pored over his books, trying to find something that would help them send Willow to heaven.

It was one in the morning when the game finally ended and Giles had fallen asleep on the couch while. The other Scoobies covered him with a blanket while Spike slipped off to his crypt after promising to return in the morning. Still wide-awake, everyone simply sat at the kitchen table silently, wondering what they would do next. Until they got more information from the Watcher’s council and acquired a Latin dictionary, they didn’t really have anything much to do.

“So, what, we just sit here until we have what we need?” Dawn asked irritably. “We just leave Willow in Hell while we whittle away the time hanging out?”

“Dawn, there’s nothing else we _can_ do,” Faith replied gently. “Not until we have more info.”

“We can’t even call D’Hoffryn yet,” Anya interjected. “Not until we have our identities translated.”

“It’s still not fair,” Dawn complain, miserably resting her chin in her hands.

“I know,” sighed Buffy. “I know.”

For a moment, there was dead silence. Xander, deciding he could at least try to lighten the mood, held up a deck of cards. “BS anyone?” he asked weakly.

Faith smiled, almost relieved. “Why not?”

…

As Willow’s super-shield started to deteriorate, the redhead grew more and more depressed; there was nothing she could do but dream of Tara. _I love you,_ she whispered over and over in her mind. _Goddess, I love you. I miss you._ Willow sighed. She needed comfort, now that her last recollection was fading. Another memory, perhaps? Willow thought for a moment, then smiled. True, her birthday had been almost right after Mrs. Summers’ funeral and Dawn’s attempt at resurrection (Willow had admitted to Tara that she’d surreptitiously shown Dawn their book), Tara had made it one of the most special birthdays ever…

_When_ _Willow_ _woke up on the morning of her birthday, she was surprised and a little disappointed to see that_ _Tara_ _wasn’t beside her. On the blonde’s pillow, however, was a rose with a note tied to its stem in white ribbon. Puzzled,_ _Willow_ _gently untied the ribbon and read the note:_

_“Happy birthday, Miss Rosenberg,_

_I am the first of twelve you must find during the day, along with other little trinkets. If you find them all, you get a special surprise! Best of luck. – Y”_

_Willow_ _smiled, though she was still a bit confused. She recognized_ _Tara_ _’s writing, but why the “Y”? What did it stand for?_

_Shrugging to herself,_ _Willow_ _threw off the covers and hunted around for a vase. When she’d located one, she filled it partially with water and placed it on the shared nightstand, putting the first rose in it and setting the note beside it. Smiling,_ _Willow_ _grabbed a towel and a robe and searched for her shower kit._

_When_ _Willow_ _opened the cupboard above the small sink in the room she shared with_ _Tara_ _, the first thing she saw was the top of the second red rose. She inhaled deeply before pulling it out and reading the note, also tied to the stem with white ribbon._

_“For the most beautiful. – Y”_

_Willow_ _looked back into the cupboard and discovered her first “trinket.” Next to her shower kit was a bottle of rose shampoo, another of rose conditioner, and a rose-scented bar of soap. All three smelled wonderful. After putting the second rose in the vase,_ _Willow_ _practically skipped to the shower._

_The third rose appeared when_ _Willow_ _opened her book bag to prepare for her first class. It rested next to a set of brand new pens._

_“For the one who knows me best. – Y”_

_With three roses in the vase,_ _Willow_ _practically floated out the door._

_Willow and Tara only shared one class, and that was the one_ _Willow_ _was headed to._ _Tara_ _beamed when her soulmate sat next to her. “Hey, Will!” She gave her girlfriend a quick kiss on the cheek. “Ooh, you smell like roses.”_

_“Gee, I can’t imagine why,”_ _Willow_ _said, grinning wryly._ _Tara_ _feigned ignorance, but there was a twinkle in her eye._

_“Why?” the blonde asked._

_“Well, I’ve been finding roses in our room along with little presents and love notes,” Willow replied, actually enjoying the fact that_ _Tara_ _was playing innocent._

_“Someone’s leaving you roses? That’s so romantic!”_ _Tara_ _sighed dramatically. “Who are they from?”_

_“I don’t know,”_ _Willow_ _lied (and both girls knew it), “but the notes are all signed ‘Y,’ and I have no idea what that stands for.” That part, at least, was true._

_Tara_ _frowned in mock thought. “Hmm, I can’t think of anyone whose name would start with ‘Y.’ Guess you’ll just have to wait.”_

_“Guess so…” Willow said with a raised eyebrow, hearing the obvious relish and glee in_ _Tara_ _’s voice. Then class began and the two were forced to pay attention (though neither could)._

_Rose four was on_ _Willow_ _’s desk when she and Tara met back at the room after their other morning classes so they could change books before lunch. “Hey, that wasn’t there before!”_ _Willow_ _blurted, totally stunned._

_“Sneaky Y,”_ _Tara_ _said in response, an amused smile playing across her face._ _Willow_ _eagerly read the next note._

_“There’s a little extra something waiting for you in the cafeteria. Just tell the cashier your name. – Y”_

_“What could be for me in the cafeteria?”_ _Willow_ _asked. Tara shrugged innocently as she put the fourth rose in the vase, causing_ _Willow_ _to roll her eyes._

_It turned out that rose five was waiting for her in the cafeteria, along with a small cake. “Happy Birthday_ _Willow_ _” was written in swirling green letters over white frosting while frosted roses ringed the edge of the cake. Willow sat and stared at the cake for at least five minutes while Tara nonchalantly ate her lunch, enjoying the redhead’s reaction at the cake and the note._

_“For the sweetest. – Y”_

_The sixth rose appeared in_ _Willow_ _’s bag once again during her afternoon class. There was no present, but the note made_ _Willow_ _smile._

_“For the one who means everything to me. – Y”_

_When_ _Willow_ _got back to her room after class to put the two roses in the vase,_ _Tara_ _wasn’t there, but one of the roses in the vase had a note tied to it._ _Willow_ _let her bag drop as she ran to the nightstand to read the note on the seventh rose._

_“I believe you left something in your desk drawer. It might be important. – Y”_

_In a flash_ _Willow_ _had run to her desk and opened the drawer. With a cry of delight, she lifted the eight rose and a brand new book on the history of the goddess and magic._

_“Enjoy this book! But before you read it, you might want to take out the item stuck between pages 248 and 249. – Y”_

_Willow flipped open the book and pulled out the item in question. It was a receipt from The Magic Box saying that there was an item waiting for her._ _Willow_ _took enough time to put the roses in the vase before she bolted out the door._

_It wasn’t a long walk to The Magic Box, and the trip was made even shorter by the fact that_ _Willow_ _had sprinted all the way there. She burst through the door at such force that she nearly knocked the bell off the wall. Giles, who had been startled from his paperwork at the counter, looked rather bemusedly at the flushed redhead walking briskly towards him._

_“Is there something here for me?”_ _Willow_ _asked, presenting the receipt. The instant Giles saw it, a knowing smile crept across his face._

_“Ah yes, there is, in fact.” He reached under the counter and produced two roses – the ninth and its twin…made of crystal with red-edge petals and a swirl of green along the stem. Eyes wide,_ _Willow_ _took both roses delicately from the Watcher, all the while marveling at the one made of crystal._

_“So you’ll never forget this day. – Y”_

_“By the way,_ _Willow_ _,” Giles said as the redhead continued to marvel at the crystal rose. “Since you’re here, I hope you could maybe help me out with something.”_

_“Sure,”_ _Willow_ _said, her eyes never leaving the rose. Giles noticed this and his smile widened._

_“I was just about to go downstairs and check the inventory, ‘cause it says on this sheet I sold it when I know for certain that I still have it,” he said, gesturing at his paperwork. “Would you mind looking for it and bringing it up for me?”_

_“Sure,”_ _Willow_ _repeated. Giles chuckled._

_“I’ll wrap your rose for you while you’re down there so it won’t break.”_

_“Ok,”_ _Willow_ _agreed, still in a bit of a daze as she put the crystal rose on the counter, still clutching the ninth rose. “What do you need?”_

_“There should be a package of rose incense on one of the shelves.”_

_Willow_ _knew perfectly well that she was being played but she was enjoying it immensely. Obediently, she went into the basement of The Magic Box._

_It didn’t take her long to find the incense, most likely because rose ten was right next to it. As if_ _Willow_ _wasn’t giddy enough, the next note rendered her into a state into a hopeless, anticipatory bliss._

_“I’m waiting for you in your room. I’m hoping you’ll join me. – Y”_

_When_ _Willow_ _came back upstairs with the rose and the incense, Giles smiled even wider than he had before, and he was trying not to laugh outright. “Oh good, there it is.” He looked at his papers again. “I guess they were just reserved for someone. Yes – your name is by them, actually.”_

_“Thanks, Giles,”_ _Willow_ _said, not at all surprised. She took the crystal rose from the counter, which was now wrapped carefully in paper. “See you later.”_

_“Have a good afternoon,_ _Willow_ _,” the Watcher replied, knowing perfectly well that he was understating an inevitable fact._

_Rose eleven was sticking out from under_ _Willow_ _and_ _Tara_ _’s door. Her hear fluttering in her chest,_ _Willow_ _carefully opened the note and found herself awash in emotion._

_“I love you,_ _Willow_ _. – Y…a.k.a. Tara”_

_Barely able to wait,_ _Willow_ _pushed open the door…and her jaw dropped._

_Tara, clad in red satin lingerie, was sitting casually on the bed, her bare feet dangling over the side as she twirled the twelfth rose and its note between her fingers. “Hey,_ _Willow_ _,” she said softly_

_Still agape,_ _Willow_ _carefully stepped into the room and shut the door behind her, being sure to lock it. It was then that she noticed the plain white box on the bed. “For…for me?” she managed to whisper._

_“Mm-hmm,”_ _Tara_ _replied, taking the incense and roses out of_ _Willow_ _’s hands and giving her the twelfth rose in return._

_As_ _Tara_ _put the roses in the vase and the crystal rose beside it,_ _Willow_ _walked over to the bed, sat down, and opened the note._

_“May your birthday and every day be wonderful for you, darling. –_ _Tara_ _”_

_Willow was inclined to run over to her soul mate and kiss her senseless, but Tara was strategically placing incense sticks around the room, so instead_ _Willow_ _decided to open the box._ _Tara_ _turned around in time to see_ _Willow_ _gaping at silk lingerie matching her own, only in white._

_“You like it?”_ _Tara_ _asked. Willow looked up, and her eyes said it all. “Well then, why don’t you put it on while I light the incense?”_ _Tara_ _continued flirtatiously._ _Willow_ _answered by putting the twelfth rose in the vase and starting to undress as quickly as possible._

_Tara laughed softly as she lit the incense, enjoying the sound of Willow tossing her shoes and box aside and throwing the rest of her clothes in the hamper before slipping into the lingerie. The two girls finished at the same time and walked slowly towards each other, but not before_ _Tara_ _admired_ _Willow_ _’s figure in the lingerie. When they met,_ _Willow_ _placed her arms around_ _Tara_ _’s neck while the blonde wrapped her arms around her girlfriend’s waist, the two of them effectively pulling themselves together. They both sighed as their bodies met and they pressed their cheeks together._

_“Oh Goddess, Tara,”_ _Willow_ _murmured. “I love you so much.”_

_“I love you too,_ _Willow_ _.”_

_“One question,” the redhead asked, pulling back and meeting_ _Tara_ _’s eyes._

_“Yes?”_

_“What does ‘Y’ stand for?”_

_Tara_ _grinned as she pulled her soul mate closer. “It stands for ‘yours,’” she replied before kissing_ _Willow_ _with a ferocity that promised much more to follow._

Willow was grinning blissfully as the spiders and rats tried to escape her love-shield, pressing themselves against the stone walls as if to move through them.

“Best birthday _ever_ ,” Willow said with conviction.


	15. Preparations

Latin dictionary acquired and Giles on the phone with the Watchers’ council, the division of labor was as follows: Anya and Spike would work on the spell that would allow Anya to contact D’Hoffryn; since Xander and Faith were the ones to hear Willow’s descriptions, they would figure out the English versions of their identities; Buffy and Dawn would continue the research on the Hellbridge and the spells required; and when Faith and Xander were done with the identities, Buffy and Dawn would run them by Willow before bringing them back to Giles, Spike, and Anya for translation.

It was a busy-as-hell day for everyone. The “researchers” were surrounded by books, literally sweating and frequently swearing or, in the case of Xander and Faith’s job, laughing.

“That is _so_ not what she said!” Faith was saying. “And besides, how do you translate _that_ into Latin?”

A few moments later: “Faith! That’s not what she called her!” Xander protested. “You can’t say that!”

“Oh yes I can!” said the rogue Slayer, who was almost falling over in hysterics.

“If the two of you wouldn’t mind turning down the cheer a little?” Buffy asked, a little disgruntled. “Some of us are trying to do difficult research here.”

“Sorry,” Xander and Faith said simultaneously.

When Xander and Faith were done with their identities two hours later, Giles was still on the phone with the council and was halfway through a notepad and still writing.

“Here,” Faith said, handing the sheet of names to Buffy. “Tell the girls we said hi.” The Slayer had barely taken the sheet when Dawn bolted out of her chair and got the ingredients for the speaking spell.

…

“Hi Buffy, hi Dawn,” Willow said, grinning like an idiot.

“Will? You ok?” Tara asked, noticing her girlfriend’s giddiness.

“I just finished dreaming about my twentieth birthday.”

“Ah,” Tara replied, matching the redhead’s grin.

“Ok, before we run out of energy here, do you want to hear the names Faith and Xander came up with?”

“Hit me,” Willow replied. Now that she knew she would be with Tara soon, she was almost starting to feel happier. Tara was sharing the same feeling.

“Ok, they have me as – aww, they have me as ‘truest friend.’” Buffy smiled, Dawn rolled her eyes.

“That’s you, Buff,” Willow confirmed, a hint of emotion in her voice. Buffy actually felt herself tearing up and wiped her eyes quickly.”

“Um, ok, Faith is ‘former foe.’”

“A trifle blunt, but yeah, that’s pretty much it.”

“Dawn is –” Buffy made a face. “‘Divine daughter’?”

The “divinity” in question burst out laughing, and would have been rolling on the floor, were they not in a halfway realm.

“Well she was like a daughter to us,” Tara said. “And by ‘divine,’ Faith and Xander might be referring to her time as the Key.”

“Whatever their reasoning, I think it’s a perfect identity.”

“You hear that, Buff?” Dawn said smugly. “I’m divine.”

“Yeah, yeah,” her sister grumbled. “To continue, Anya is ‘truthful friend.’ Apparently ‘blunt’ is too blunt.”

“You’re going to have to be careful translating that,” Tara cautioned. “It’s awfully close to ‘truest.’”

“Should we run the translations by you once we’re done with them?” Buffy asked.

“That might be a good idea,” the blonde witch agreed. Willow beamed at her girlfriend, causing her to blush.

“Giles is ‘father of all’ – no shit,” said the Slayer. Tara raised her eyebrows, but Willow just nodded, unfazed by her friend’s language.

“He’s more of a father than my father was,” she said.

“Same,” said Tara.

“Us too,” said the Summers girls together. “Anyway,” Buffy went on, “they have Spike as ‘friendly foe.’” Buffy squinted at the paper. “Wait, huh?”

“You know, that makes sense in a very weird way,” Willow said. “Though ‘mercenary’ might have been closer.”

“It does make sense,” Dawn agreed. “I remember one time he said to me, ‘I’m not good, and I’m ok.’ He’s helped us out a fair amount, as many times as he’s…not.”

“Fair point. And Xander is…” Buffy choked up, and tears came to her eyes again.

Dawn looked at her sister, then looked at the paper. “Oh, how sweet…” Dawn said, her voice getting wavery.

“So…what’s it say?” Willow asked, slightly bemused.

“Be-beloved brother,” the Slayer managed to say through tears.

“Oh…” Willow mimicked Dawn, then began to cry openly. Even Tara’s eyes were a little wet. After taking a moment to compose herself, the redhead took a shaky breath. “All of those are perfect,” she said.

“Now all you have to do is translate them to Latin,” Tara continued. “I can check them over for you.”

Dawn nodded; both Summers girls were starting to sweat with the strain of the spell.

“See you later,” Willow said. Then she turned to Tara with a wry smile on her face. “ _Amor omnia vincit_.”

Tara smiled warmly in return. “ _Amor omnia vincit_ ,” she agreed. Then the connection broke, and the girls were sent back to their respective realms.

…

“Identities confirmed,” Buffy said, dropping the paper on top of Anya and Spike’s research. “Translate away.”

“It’s not like they’re in the middle of working on something or anything,” Faith commented wryly.

“Is Giles still on the phone?” Dawn asked. Faith glanced over to where Giles was sitting and working on his second notepad with the phone still glued to his ear.

“He is _so_ paying the long-distance bill,” Buffy growled.

“Willow said something to Tara in Latin,” Dawn said. “It was something like _amor omnia vincit_?”

“‘Love conquers all,’” said Anya, Spike, and Faith all at the same time.

“How did you know that?” Buffy asked Faith, startled. The rogue Slayer shrugged.

“It’s a pretty common phrase,” Anya said. “You can buy all sorts of things that say that – not that I would spend my precious money on any of them.”

The response to that was a collective eye-roll.

By the time Giles had gotten off the phone, Spike and Anya were halfway through the translations while the rest of the gang was doing more Hellbridge work. When they saw the amount of notes the Watcher had taken, they all raised their eyebrows.

“I take it they had information?” Buffy asked as Giles sat down next to her.

He gave her a sideways glance before poring over what he’d written down. “I don’t suppose one of you would like to get on the computer for me?”

In about five seconds flat, Dawn had her laptop out and had Google on the screen. “Hit me, G-Man.”

The look he gave her was so thoroughly incredulous that the others – even Spike – had to muffle their laughter. “Now I _know_ she’s your sister,” Faith quipped.

…

With Giles helping out, the Latin translations were completed much faster. With that done, Anya and Spike finished their preparations for their spell and prepared to speak with D’Hoffryn. After promising Buffy they wouldn’t burn a hole in the living room carpet, they began the summons.

“I am D’Hoffryn! Ruler of all the – oh, hello Anya. How are you? And you are…Spike?”

“Hi D’Hoffryn. Yeah, that’s Spike. How ya been?”

“Not bad. Vengeance, vengeance, the usual. What did you need?”

“We were wondering if you could help us get Willow out of Hell.”

There was a long, _long_ pause. D’Hoffryn no longer wore his usual air of casual indifference, but instead was looking pensive. “Perhaps you should start from the beginning.”

For the next hour, Anya and Spike took turns telling D’Hoffryn the whole story, once Anya had gotten the three of them tall glasses of lemonade. When they were done, the vengeance lord looked thoughtful.

“I believe I may be able to assist you in this,” he said finally. “I think perhaps I could stand as Willow’s ‘wild card.’”

“You would do that for her?” Spike asked, astonished.

“Of course. Willow’s such a lovely girl, and it’s not as big a deal for me as you might think.”

“Wait, you know something I don’t know?” Anya said, turning to Spike. “Oh my God, the vampire knows something I don’t know. D’Hoffryn, tell me what he knows that I don’t know!”

“The crosser of the Hellbridge is allowed one wild card – that is to say, someone who will take one ‘trial’ for her. Since Willow is in the seventh circle of hell, she must face seven trials. If I act as her wild card, then she may call on me at any time she wishes to serve one of the trials in her place, therefore leaving her with only six trials to face. Rhyme unintentional.”

It would have been an understatement to say that Anya was thrilled, as was everyone else, when they learned of D’Hoffryn’s offer. In fact, the vengeance lord found himself being hugged by everyone except Giles and Spike. Bemused, he accepted their praise nonetheless before heading “down” to tell Willow the news.

…

When the lord of vengeance demons suddenly appeared in her cell, Willow couldn’t stop herself from shrieking in surprise.

“Ah, hello Willow!” he said amiably, then looked around at all the spiders and rats. “Despicable.” He waved his hands and they all vanished in puffs of gray smoke.

“Thanks…” Willow said, still a little stunned by his entrance.

“Not a problem. I just got done talking with your friends about the Hellbridge spell, and I’ve agreed to serve as your wild card.”

“Wild card?”

“You know that you will be facing seven trials on the bridge, yes?”

“Yes…”

“Well, during one of the trials, if you feel you can’t take it, just call my name, and I’ll take the trial for you.”

Like the others had been, Willow was agape. She knew the true nature of the “trials,” and the fact that D’Hoffryn was willing to suffer one for her nearly made her cry. Instead, she unwittingly mimicked the Scoobies and wrapped her arms around the demon, mumbling “thank you” into his shoulder over and over again.

“Why is this everyone’s reaction?” he asked, though he patted the redhead on the back all the same. “It’s honestly no big deal – for _me_ , anyway.” Still, part of him was rather pleased with himself.

…

Two days later, after sleepless nights and coffee-filled hours of research and planning, Buffy, Faith, Dawn, Giles, Anya, Xander, and Spike sat around the table in solemn silence, looking at the two sheets of paper that held the directions for the Hellbridge spell.

“Ok, Giles,” Buffy whispered finally. “How do we do this?”


	16. Let It Burn

“Well,” Giles began, “first of all, the windows of whatever room we perform the spell in must have the shades drawn. The room must only be lit by candles – one for each of us. The spell will be more powerful if we make our own.”

“Sounds easy enough,” said Dawn. “What next?”

“Then we must place something of Willow’s in a clay bowl and set it on fire – I was thinking a scrap of her clothing. Once it is on fire, we sit in a circle – ”

“ – naked,” Anya added.

“ – _mostly_ naked,” Giles corrected. “The bowl will be set in the center of the circle, and we each will have a slip of paper with our Latin identities on them. Going around the circle, we will each say our Latin names followed by their English translations before putting the paper in the fire. Then something of Tara’s must be put on top of the flame – a scrap of her clothing as well, perhaps – and that will be the catalyst that combines our essences and opens the gateways to the bridge.”

“Anything else we have to do?” Dawn asked.

“A viewing portal will be opened over the bowl. At least three people must witness the ordeal, and it is recommended – _highly_ – that the rest of us shut our eyes.”

“I’ll be one of them,” Buffy said instantly. “She stayed by my side no matter what, and it’s the least I can do to be there for her as well.”

“She won’t know you’re there,” Anya pointed out. When Buffy glared at her, she added, “But…it’s the thought that counts.”

“I…I can’t watch,” said Xander, hanging his head in shame. “I can’t stand to see what’ll happen. I wish…I wish I could…”

Anya put her arm on Xander’s shoulder. “I’ll watch,” she said, uncharacteristically sympathetic. Buffy looked at her with gratitude.

“I’ll be the third,” Faith said, “if only because I have the resilience, and no offense, Spike, but I don’t think this is the sort of thing Willow would want you – or any guy – to watch.”

Spike, who for once in his un-death had run out of sarcastic things to say, just nodded.

“How do we know if the spell works?” Dawn asked.

“Well, the viewers of the trials must make sure that Willow makes it to the other end of the bridge. Only then can the spell be disconnected, or if Willow gives up.” When Giles saw the murderous expressions on the faces of Xander and the Summers’ girls, he cleared his throat. “The spell can, er, only be disconnected when Willow reaches the end of the bridge. If it has worked, the contents of the bowl will be a fine, gold powder. If not, the bowl will be filled with normal ashes.”

There was silence for a moment. “Giles,” Buffy said, “you go get the ingredients for the candles. Dawn, in one of the boxes downstairs there are two small, oval containers that contain the perfect ingredients for the bowl. Find them – one is blue, one is green. The living room already has the shades down, so we can do the spell in there. Xander, you and I will contact Willow and Tara to check the translations and give them the update.”

“What about me? I don’t have anything to do,” Anya whined.

“Normally I wouldn’t complain, but me either,” added Faith.

“All spares can pray,” Dawn quipped before heading downstairs.

…

When Spike slinked downstairs to escape the others and have a smoke, he found Dawn sitting by the boxes looking utterly forlorn.

“What’s with you, little bit?” he asked around the cigarette he was lighting. When she turned to face him, he was leaning against the wall with his arms folded.

“I don’t want to do this,” she said hollowly. “I don’t want Willow to get hurt.”

“Well, tough for you, but Red’s right set on getting to her blonde bird, and nothin’s gonna keep that from happenin’.”

“How can you be so cold?”

“Lack of blood flow?”

Dawn sighed and went back to rummaging through the boxes. Spike didn’t move from his spot against the wall.

“Don’t you have anything better to do?” the Summers girl asked irritably when she realized that Spike hadn’t moved.

“Nope.”

Realizing that the vampire wasn’t going anywhere, she resigned herself to his presence and settled for swearing to relieve her frustration.

…

“Sounds right to me,” Tara said. “Is that all the names?” Buffy and Xander nodded. Willow floated off to the side, having remained silent through the whole exchange. “Willow?” the blonde witch finally asked.

“I’m scared.” Her voice was hoarse.

“Oh, sweetie,” she said, tearing up. She’d been doing that a lot lately, she’d been so worried. “You’ll make it. You’ll make it.”

Buffy and Xander looked at each other. They were mentally chanting the same thing.

…

Giles had come back with the ingredients by the time the speaking spell was over, so he, Buffy, Xander, Faith, and Anya all set to work on making their candles (Spike was still keeping Dawn company in the basement). The group was almost done when the vamp and the young Summers girl came trooping back upstairs. “Found them,” Dawn said, putting the boxes on the table. “What’s in them?”

Buffy stopped her candle making and wordlessly opened the boxes. The blue one held a lock of golden hair while the green held one of flaming red. “They love each other so much,” Buffy murmured as they all gazed at the talismans the witches had traded.

“So…which belongs to who?” Dawn asked.

“They belonged to each other,” Buffy replied. “I don’t think it matters which one goes first. But for safety’s sake, let’s talk to Tara one more time before we start the spell.”

…

Dawn and Spike were still working on their candles when the others had finished, so it was Buffy who did the speaking spell to contact Tara.

“We just need to confirm whose is whose,” she explained to the witch, telling her about the boxes.

“The blue box is hers and the green one is mine, so her lock of hair belongs to me. The boxes are small enough that you might want to use them too though and not just the hair.” She smiled slightly. “Can you guess why we chose those colors?”

“It wouldn’t have anything to do with your eyes, would it?” Buffy asked wryly. Tara laughed, confirming her guess, and the Slayer joined in. “You’re scared too, aren’t you?” Buffy asked when the two had stopped laughing.

Tara’s smile faded, as did Buffy’s. “More than anything,” the witch said, and the Slayer could tell that she was doing all she could to hold it together.

“She’ll make it – just like you told her,” Buffy said, forcing conviction into her voice. “She’ll get through. She’ll do absolutely anything to be with you. She almost _did_ – er…sorry,” she added, seeing Tara wince.

The witch shook her head. “I know she did. I know she loves me. And I love her more than I could ever say.” She choked on a sob. “If this doesn’t work I swear I’ll go down and be with her.”

“Don’t say that; it’ll work,” Buffy said firmly. There was a pause. “How close can you get to the Hellbridge?” she asked.

“The very edge of the First Circle of Hell – that’s where it’s anchored.”

“You’d…you’d better go there now. We’ll be starting the spell soon.”

A mix of fear and hope clouded the young witch’s face to form a look of fierce resolve that Buffy had so often seen on Willow. “I’ll be waiting for her,” Tara whispered, and the connection broke.

…

The candles were finished. The shades had been drawn. Everything was ready.

Buffy, Dawn, Xander, Anya, Faith, Spike, and Giles all entered the living room, shutting what doors they could and turning off the lights. They were in their under-things, but it was two dark to really see – even as everyone silently lit their candles, having placed them in a wide circle earlier. Giles stressed that it was very important for them to do their parts of the ritual themselves.

Once the candles had been lit, the group sat in a circle around a wooden bowl. Buffy placed the box with Tara’s hair in it – the one that belonged to Willow – in the bowl, then lit it with her candle, which had been placed directly behind her. When everyone saw the iridescent blue of the flame, they knew that the ritual had really and truly begun, and there was no turning back. After a moment, Buffy slowly put the candle back and prepared for the next stage.

Everyone had written their Latin names on slips of paper earlier, and Giles held his above the bowl first. “ _Pater Omniae_ – Father of all.” He dropped it in, and the flame burned violet for a moment. The spell required that they go clockwise around the circle, so Anya lifted her name above the bowl next.

“ _Amica Verax_ – Truthful Friend.” She dropped the paper, and the flame glowed violet once again.

Dawn was next. “ _Filia Divinae_ – Divine Daughter.”

Faith. “ _Inimica Prior_ – Former Foe.”

Xander. “ _Frater Amatae_ – Beloved Brother.”

Buffy. “ _Amica Verae_ – Truest Friend.”

Spike. “ _Inimicus Amicae_ – Friendly Foe.”

After another moment of silence, it was a very solemn Dawn who placed the green box containing Willow’s hair into the flames. Then everyone in the circle joined hands, unsurprisingly gripping each other tightly.

“ _Potestas esse, audemus,_ ” Giles began. “ _Auxiliam tuus poscomus in hora obscurae. Ducare iter animae. Sinere suus incedere per incendium et in complector diae._ ”

The flame in the bowl suddenly became a startling white, and the seven of them had to squint for a moment to adjust. The light then spun in the air above the bowl until a translucent sphere hovered before them. A swirl of colors began to form within the glowing orb and soon spread wider and wider until the sphere was filled and the colors formed an image – Willow, standing in her cell, looking in astonishment at the base of a wide, stone bridge. Realizing that she wasn’t alone, she looked up and gasped, obviously seeing them as well as they could see her.

“Hey, guys,” she said weakly to the group above her. “I guess…I guess it’s time to go now, huh?”

Dawn nodded, tears streaming down her cheeks. Willow noticed and looked at her as comfortingly as she could. “It’ll be all right, Dawnie. I’ll be fine. I’ll be with Tara soon.” The young girl nodded, biting her lip to keep from sobbing aloud.

“We’re with you,” Xander said softly, and Willow turned to him. “We’re with you every step of the way. I…” he hung his head a little bit. “I bought a box of crayons and broke the yellow one…for good luck.”

Willow smiled at him. “I love you, Xander. You’re the best brother a girl could ask for.” Xander weakly returned her smile.

“Everyone else close your eyes,” Buffy said softly but firmly, and everyone but Faith and Anya did so. Willow saw who her three watchers were and a look of utter gratitude crossed her face.

“Thank you,” she whispered, and though it was barely audible, Anya, Faith, and Buffy heard it nonetheless.

“We’re here, Will,” the blonde Slayer said. “Even if you can’t see us.”

“I know, Buff. I know.”

The Slayer let out a shaky breath and managed the smallest of smiles. “Go on. Tara’s waiting for you.”

Willow took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Wish me luck,” she said, also forcing a smile on her face. Then she looked away from her friends and towards the ominous way forward. _So I will walk through the fire,_ she thought, _and let it burn._

She stepped onto the bridge.


	17. I Will Always Find You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **This entire chapter is a trigger warning.** Be ye warned.

Willow didn’t even need to look behind her to know that her cell was gone, but she did anyway. Despite the red-orange glow of the molten rock flowing under the bridge and the flames that licked the stone walls, the wind that buffeted her was chill. The bridge beneath her feet was black granite, but the low pillars and railing that lined the edge were of dark gray stone – unlike the rust-colored walls. Behind her, she saw only a wall of flame where her prison had once been. “Good riddance,” she said aloud, and started forward.

She knew that she had to pass Circle Seven first, and that meant violence of some sort. “Ok, violence. I think I can deal with violence,” she said. Talking aloud comforted her – made her feel less alone, for indeed, the place was a little too quiet for her liking. Figuring that she should make a break for it while she had a chance, she began to run.

Bad move. She had barely taken a few strides when what felt like a giant fist slammed into her back. “Oof!” she cried out as she was knocked face first to the floor. When she lifted her head, another invisible fist slammed into her temple, and her mind reeled with dizziness and confusion. Groaning, she tried to roll over, only to find herself punched brutally in the stomach. She retched, though there was nothing for her stomach to eject, and whimpered in pain. Another fist slammed onto her knees, and Willow screamed as she heard something crack. A punch under her jaw sent her sprawling, breaking more bone in the process. Spitting teeth and dripping blood, Willow raised her weary head as much as she could and saw that a tall, stone arch lay ahead, and beyond that, a gray, barren wasteland.

She was hit in the back again, and her head hit the ground once more. Curling up into a ball as she was slammed again, she rolled over and over, fists pummeling her the whole while –

And then it was over. She was lying on something soft, and remained there for a few minutes as she waited either for more blows or for the pain to fade. When she realized she wasn’t about to receive another blow, Willow cautiously raised her head and looked around. She war surprised to feel that her legs were intact, and when she ran her tongue around her mouth, she found that her jaw was healed and all her teeth still there, though her shirt was still drenched in blood. She was on a patch of withering gray moss – the only evidence of the bridge – that formed a long path that stretched before her. She was past Circle Seven.

…

Circle Six was by far the gloomiest place she had ever seen.  The sky was a dull, miserable gray, and a perpetual mist seemed to cover the area. Barren gray wasteland stretched off in every direction, though an occasional stunted tree – also gray – dotted the sorry excuse for a landscape. More gray stones of a darker shade lay scattered across the ground, and Willow realized with a shudder that they were graves. “Wrathful and gloomy – the Eternal Graveyard,” she whispered.

Wrenching her gaze away with a shiver, Willow looked off in the direction that the moss led. She could barely see, far in the distance, another archway, also made of stone but with more stunted trees winding their branches up the sides. She immediately started forward, knowing somehow that it would be best to get out of there _fast_.

Her instincts weren’t wrong. The instant she started to walk, black silhouettes slowly began to seep from the ground beneath the stones, forming human shapes that glared at her with malevolent silver eyes. She trembled when she realized exactly who they were. These were the lost souls of Hell. These were the creatures trying to keep her from reaching Tara.

Suddenly terrified, she began to run.

…

“Those are the lost souls, aren’t they?” Buffy whispered as she, Faith, and Anya watched the scene with wide eyes.

“I think so,” Anya replied just as quietly. “Where else would they be?”

“Don’t look now, but here comes more company,” Faith said, and the three of them leaned forward to get a closer look at the figures walking calmly towards Willow.

…

Willow froze when she saw the three women coming toward her. They didn’t look like they meant to attack, but she wasn’t about to drop her guard. The women had skin of palest white, but their lips were blood red. They wore no clothing, but they were covered by skeins of long black hair that undulated as if caught in a soft wind. Their eyes were nearly as black, and they betrayed no emotion as the three approached.

“Welcome,” the middle woman said, but her sultry voice suggested anything but. “Won’t you stay with us awhile?”

“You’re the Erinyes, aren’t you?” Willow asked, trembling. “The Furies.”

“She’s smart,” said the one to the left, reaching out and caressing the witch’s cheek. Willow flinched backwards, repulsed not only by her actions but the coldness of her skin. “Aw, it’s a shame she doesn’t want what we could offer.”

“What could you possibly offer me?” Willow asked, voice filled with loathing.

“Everything you had before,” the middle Fury replied.

The Fury on the right stepped forward. “You embraced me like a sister, for a time,” she said. “You loved me.”

“Wh-what are you talking about?”

“I am Tisiphone – the avenger of murder. You worked my will almost better than I could.”

Willow’s eyes widened. “No…” her voice was hoarse.

“And I am Alecto, the spirit of anger,” the middle one said. “My essence filled you so fully…and you let it all go. But you can have it back…all of it.” She drew an oval in the air and a mirror appeared. The Fury took it from the air and held it before Willow.

When the witch saw her reflection, she cried out in sheer emotional pain. Her hair and eyes were blacker than the deepest void, and blue veins etched the sides of her face. “ _NO!_ ” she screamed. Her sobs of agony echoed across the vast grayness, and the condemned spirits that had been lingering to the sides instantly began to close in.

“ _NO!_ ” Willow shrieked again, pushing Alecto aside and running desperately for the arch. “ _NO! NO! NO!_ ”

Her cries of denial continued as the black souls chased her towards the arch, howling as they did. With one last cry, Willow dove through the archway and tumbled to the granite floor on the other side.

Not even trying to get up, she curled into a ball again, sobbing. “No,” she whimpered into her knees. “No, no, no.” Opening her eyes, she moved to brush a strand of hair from her eyes and stopped. The strand obscuring her vision was a flaming red. She sat up quickly and pulled more of her hair in front of her face to look at it. Red.

She let out a long, _long_ sigh as she collapsed, resting her cheek against the cool stone. She had made it past Circle Six.

…

“That’s what she was like?” Faith asked, a note of horror in her voice. “After Tara died?”

“Yeah,” Buffy replied, her own voice thick with tears.

No response was necessary. The three girls continued to watch.

…

Circle Five was much like Circle Seven though the light was much dimmer. Though the stone beneath Willow’s feet had been cooler at the gate from Circle Six, it was hotter now, and Willow found herself sweating a little. “Ok, wrath. What are they gonna do, yell at me?” she asked the emptiness before her.

Soon the archway to the next Circle was in sight, and just as Willow was starting to think that she was home free, spikes shot up through the floor directly in front of her. She was barely able to skid to a stop in time. She looked behind her to see that spikes had appeared there as well, and both sets began to churn in a pattern that would easily rip someone to shreds.

“I can’t die, I can’t die, I can’t die,” she repeated, trying to calm herself. Then she let out a scream and fell forward as an axe swung from the ceiling and sliced her back, barely missing her spine. Her fingertips grazed the spikes as she hit the ground and she pulled them back with a shriek of pain. Looking at her hands in horror, Willow saw that the tops of her fingers had been torn away. Hearing a deep growl, she looked up. On either side of her stood two very large, very _angry_ demons. They were short and squat, but heavily muscled. They wore only loincloths nearly as dark as their skin, and they were bald, though ridges ran over their heads and down their necks. Their eyes literally burned red, and they almost looked like two trolls. But that didn’t bother Willow as much as what they were carrying did – one held a spiked club while the other held a hammer, much like the one that the accidentally summoned troll had used.

Willow barely had time for the horror to sink in before the first demon swung the spiked club. She screamed as it connected and blood spurted everywhere; it was pain as she had never felt it before. Her ribcage shattered with the blow, and Willow could feel her own bones pierce her lungs along with the metal spikes. After a moment, the club was ripped free, bringing most of her chest with it. Blood spilled from Willow’s mouth as pieces of her organs spilled from her chest. As the second troll raised his hammer and aimed for her head, Willow found the strength to form her sobs of pain into one word. “ _D-D’Hoffryn!_ ”

And then the vengeance lord was there, banishing the trolls with a wide sweep of his arm. An instant later, Willow found herself at the gate to Circle Four. “Good luck, Willow,” the demon said as she fell through the arch.

Her body restored, the witch let out a moan of both sheer torment and sheer relief. She was past Circle Five.

…

“She should have waited,” Anya said, not paying attention to the utter horror on both Slayers’ faces.

“Why?” Faith asked, shooting her a quick glance.

“No, don’t say anything,” Buffy said. As many vampires as she’d dusted and demons that she’d killed, seeing her friend beaten so horribly maid her nauseous, and it was all she could do not to retch. “Whatever comes, she’ll make it.”

…

“Greed…” Willow whispered as she entered Circle Four. She found it to be very similar to her cell, but at the same time more refined. The bridge was still black granite, but the railing was polished gray marble, as were the irregularly angled walls around her. Thick black cushions were sprawled throughout the room, and rotting drapes hung from the ceiling, slithering down the walls like the corpses of snakes.

Shuddering, the battered witch hurried forward. Her clothes were tattered and drenched in blood, but that hardly mattered now. She had to get to Tara.

It was when Willow had the arch in her sight that the creatures came forward. Once again they were black, but these beings had more substance. They were thin and spindly, and wisps of black smoke rippled from their bodies, forming a sort of wretched aura. The lower parts of their heads resembled human chins, but the top ended in sharp black spikes. Their downward-sloped eyes were pure white, and when they grinned at Willow hideously, their mouths were the same sickening shade. They hunched as they walked towards her, their hands extending in razor-sharp claws.

“Not good,” Willow whimpered, and instantly made a break for it, hoping she could press through them as she covered her head. Her shrieks of fear and pain mingled with their shrieks of attack as they lunged at her, tearing at her with ferocity. Cloth strips were torn from her clothes as she ran, and she cried out as the fiends ripped at her hair. She was only ten feet from the arch when they tackled her, ripping every inch of her they could find. Sobbing, naked, bleeding, and missing half her hair, Willow pulled herself forward across the granite as the demons tried to pull her back. Her knee dislocated with a sickening pop as one creature tried to reel her in, and she made one last desperate grasp for the arch.

Her fingertips grazed the stone and she dug in with her nails, hauling herself forward as hard as she could. Several fingernails tore off in the process, but she was able to find leverage. Frantically kicking off the demons, even with her bad leg, Willow hauled herself through the arch.

Once again she found herself healed and facedown on the cold granite. She ran a hand over her head and found that all her hair had grown back as well. Groaning, Willow pushed herself up.

“That wasn’t so bad,” she said shakily. Then she looked down at herself, bloodstained and now naked. “Well, maybe it was.” She had made it past Circle Four.

…

Buffy, Faith, and Anya all took a moment to trade glances.

“Xander is never ripping my clothes off again,” Anya said.

…

Circle Three mimicked Circle Four very closely, with only two major differences. The first was that the stone railing of the bridge looked to have had large chunks torn out of it. The second was that people were lounging on the cushions. Willow cringed when she saw them. “Gluttony…” she confirmed, feeling sick.

The people were so grossly huge that it was nauseating. Folds and folds of fat rested on flabby thighs and arms thicker than tree trunks. Everyone there was bald and naked, and seemed to move around by rolling their fleshy, blob-like selves over to the next cushion. They were participating in some activity that Willow couldn’t see, but when she squinted to get a better look, she nearly retched in horror. They were eating each other.

It was at precisely that moment that several of the living fat globs noticed her, and hunger filled their gazes. Knowing exactly what they had in mind, Willow began to run. What she didn’t count on was that because the previous trials had drained so much of her willpower, she could only stumble forward. As always, she was caught just as the next arch came in sight.

Willow cried out in fear as her arms were grabbed – one on each side of the bridge. Her scream became one of pain when one of the “people,” after examining her arm for a moment, took a deep bite out of her flesh.

The pain from Circle Five was nothing compared to this. She screamed and screamed as chunks of her arm were gnawed upon by the gross fiends of the Circle. When she managed to wrench herself forward, it was because both her arms had been torn off just above the elbow. Sobbing, she headed for the next arch as fast as she could. She lacked the balance normally provided by her arms, however, and tripped almost the instant she started running.

Screaming again as she felt teeth sink into her foot, Willow wormed her way towards the arch, using her whole body to propel her. She felt her foot torn from her ankle, and instantly curled into a ball and started rolling again, the way she had done to escape Circle Seven. But this time her screams continued as she made her way to the arch –

Once again, it was over. Willow lay sobbing on the bridge, whole once again, but in excruciating physical and mental pain. “I’m almost there,” she choked through ragged breaths. “I’m almost there.” She was past Circle Three.

…

“Just one more Circle,” Buffy choked. “Just one more.”

“You do know what’s next though, right?” Faith said, looking briefly at her fellow Slayer.

Buffy frowned, then her eyes widened. She looked at Anya and saw that the normally unflinching ex-demon was pale and shaking. “Oh God…” Buffy whispered as she forced herself to look back at Willow. “Oh dear God.”

…

When Willow finally had the strength to look at Circle Two, she wondered for a moment if she was starting to hallucinate; the place looked almost inviting. True, flames still traveled up the walls and filled the room with a sinister red-orange glow, the pillows and drapes were made of crimson satin and looked very comfortable. Once again there were people spread out on the cushions, but they were nothing like the abominations of the previous Circle. In fact, they were as naked and bloody as Willow was.

The witch went to the railing – now whole – and peered at two people on the cushions some distance away. Their flushed bodies were pressed together, and though they were kissing with disturbing fervor, they also seemed to be clawing each other as well, tearing gashes into each other and soaking their hands in the blood that spilled from the wounds.

“Lust,” Willow said, suddenly more terrified than she’d been before. Though it was only Circle Two and nowhere near the deepest reaches of Hell, the lust found in that Circle was far more sinister than average human desire. Knowing that she was nearly at the end of the bridge, she summoned her last ounce of determination and strode purposefully forward.

…

“That’s it, Will, you’re almost there,” Buffy said, her voice slightly wild. “Look!” she said to Faith and Anya. “You can just see Tara at the other end!”

“That’s not all you can see,” Faith said. Her hard shell hadn’t just been cracked – it had been _shattered_ by all that she had seen, and now her trembling voice held more fear than she’d ever felt for herself let alone another person.

Buffy let out a hoarse cry when she saw what was in Willow’s path. “No one open your eyes,” she sobbed. “ _Nobody_ open your eyes!”

But she, Faith, and Anya were forced to watch the horror that came next.

…

Thinking that only the next arch would be ahead of her, Willow stumbled in shock when she saw what lay ahead. There was no arch, but a figure with dark blonde hair and an emerald and gold dress waited for her at the end of the bridge, looking desperately like she wanted to run to her.

“ _Tara_ ,” Willow managed to whisper in disbelief as she doubled her speed forward. She could nearly make out her soulmate’s face when a looming shadow suddenly appeared in front of her. When she looked up to see what it was, what remained of her hope left her.

Minos. Half-man, half-bull. Judger of souls.

There was no voice left in her to cry out as he lashed her with his tail, sending her sprawling and skidding across the bridge. She faintly heard Tara’s cry of anguish as Minos kicked her with his cloven foot, making her double over in pain where she lay. Crouching to the floor, he forced her on her stomach with a sick semblance of a human hand as he came closer.

And then…and then…

Willow’s entire body screamed in mortal agony. She felt like she was being ripped apart from the inside, everything trying to break free through her skin. After an eternity that lasted for barely two minutes, the beast threw her off to the side, stretching his arms and sitting down, snorting in satisfaction.

She knew that it was over. She hadn’t even been able to fight back. Willow felt as if her very soul had been violated, and those horrifying two minutes had been just enough to taint her. It was a few moments before she registered that Tara was calling her name.

“Willow!” she cried. “It’s not real! There’s nothing you could have done! Please, get up!” Tears were coursing down her cheeks.

Willow was crying too, though there was barely enough energy for a lone tear to make its way down her face. “I’m sorry…” she whispered.

“Willow, no! Please! Come to me! It’s only a few more feet, please!”

But the redhead had given up. She was ready to accept that she would be in Hell forever. Tara obviously sensed this, and pulled something off one of her fingers, holding it in front of her.

“This is for you, Willow!” Willow’s eyes widened when she saw the ring – like her living friends, she recognized its meaning at once. “I was going to propose to you!” Tara continued. “I never got the chance before I died!” She was sobbing freely now, but her voice was still firm. “It doesn’t matter what you did before! It doesn’t matter what happened! I don’t care about any of it! Nothing changes the way I feel about you!”

Willow lifted her head, hope returning to her eyes as she listened to her lover’s words. “I love you, Willow Rosenberg!” the blonde witch cried. “And I can’t exist without you! So in the name of the Goddess, _please! Come to me!_ ”

Behind her, Willow heard Minos get up, and she knew she didn’t have much time. Filled with new strength, she crawled forward, closer and closer to Tara. Though she couldn’t hear it, Buffy, Anya, and Faith were all cheering her on at the top of their lungs. But all that mattered now was Tara’s hand reaching out to her.

With only a few feet left in her ordeal, Willow lifted her eyes to meet Tara’s gaze. The deep blue she could always lose herself in held a pleading expression, but beneath that, always within, was sheer love. She stretched her hand in front of her as far as she could, and her arm was immediately caught in Tara’s strong grasp. Willow felt herself pulled into the warm, fierce embrace she missed so, _so_ dearly, and clung to Tara with all the energy left within her.

“I got so lost,” she whispered hoarsely into Tara’s shoulder.

“I found you,” Tara sobbed, clutching Willow to her for all she was worth. “I will always find you!”

The world erupted in white light.


	18. You Make Me Complete

Everyone groaned from where they lay on the Summers’ living room floor, having been thrown backward by the force of the light the orb had emitted. The bowl was still in the center of the room, but their candles had vanished. This made it easier for Buffy, Anya, and Faith to scramble on their hands and knees into the kitchen so they could get their buckets.

Anya insisted that she didn’t need a bucket – she’d seen it all in her years as a vengeance demon, so nothing could bother her. She relented at Xander’s persistence though. Faith felt that she didn’t really need a bucket either, but agreed nonetheless. It was a good thing they were prepared, because all three girls were retching into their respective receptacles (say _that_ five times fast).

“Was it that bad?” Dawn asked quietly, eyes wide.

“It would probably be best not to ask,” Giles said, straightening his glasses.

“Did…did it work?” Buffy asked once she had finished retching and wiped her mouth with a napkin.

They all looked at each other with grave, fearful expressions. Very, very slowly, Buffy, Faith, Anya, Xander, Giles, Dawn, and Spike all peered into the bowl. Within it lay fine gold dust.

“ _YES!!!_ ” Dawn shrieked, jumping to her feet and punching the air. Xander actually burst into tears, and Anya went and held him. Buffy had collapsed on Faith’s shoulder, exhausted and utterly relieved. Even Spike wore an expression of stunned satisfaction.

“We did it,” the blonde Slayer whispered. “We did it.”

“Yeah, B,” Faith murmured. “We did.”

“Well, I…I’d say this calls for a celebration!” Giles said, sounding more chipper than any of them ever thought was possible for him.

“Duh!” was Dawn’s reply. “We could pull out the grill, and cook hamburgers, and –”

“NO!” exclaimed Buffy, Faith, and Anya, wide-eyed and pale.

“Um, why?” Dawn asked, thoroughly baffled.

“Let’s just…have pizza again,” Faith said.

“No sausage,” Anya added.

…

“I still can’t believe we did it,” Buffy whispered as she and Faith got dressed in her room ( _after_ they’d brushed their teeth). Faith said nothing – merely contemplated the afternoon’s events as she jumped into her jeans.

“Well, Willow’s the one who really did it,” Buffy amended. “I can’t believe she went through all of that – that she kept going, even after…” She shuddered as she pulled her t-shirt over her head. “I mean, I knew that she loved – still loves – Tara, but I never knew that they were so connected that Willow would willingly do that for her. I never thought that that sort of love actually existed.”

Buffy had finished dressing and was starting to pace, her Willow-like babbling picking up speed. Faith, who had also finished dressing, sat on Buffy’s bed and followed the girl’s path with her eyes, her expression unreadable. She knew that her fellow Slayer’s rambling was an effort to quell the absolute horror she had felt as she watched her best friend…well, when she watched what happened to her. Faith hadn’t known Willow for very long, but she knew that she and Buffy had been incredibly close – and still were, in a sense. Watching the trials was bad enough, but Faith could only imagine what it felt like to watch them happen to someone you cared about. That piece of insight also made her realize that it had been no picnic for Tara, either.

“I mean, I loved Angel, obviously,” Buffy was saying as she continued to walk back and forth across the room. “When we were still together, I mean. I thought I loved him more than anything – more than I ever thought was possible. I wanted to spend my life with him, at the time, and look what happened. But now that it’s over – and even looking back – I realize that it was nothing compared to what Willow and Tara had – have. They can’t live without each other – well, kind of obvious, seeing what happened – and they can’t even _exist_ without each other. It’s like they’re two halves of the same soul or something. I can’t believe that –”

Faith stepped in front of Buffy and took the girl’s face in her hands. The blonde Slayer stopped pacing as she looked curiously into the other girl’s eyes. “Shut up, B,” Faith said huskily. Then she brought their lips together in an earth-shattering kiss.

…

When the slightly mussed Slayers met back in the living room with the rest of the Scoobies, they discovered that Spike had slipped off into the evening under the protection of a thick blanket. “He couldn’t stand the mushiness,” Dawn explained, rolling her eyes. She sat on the couch with the bowl of golden dust held in her lap.

“What should we do with that, anyway?” Buffy asked, nodding to the bowl. She glanced at her Watcher warily. “It doesn’t involve another naked spell, does it?”

“No, it does not,” Giles replied with the kind of indignation only an Englishman could pull off as Anya and Faith snorted with laughter. None of them noticed that Dawn had continued to stare at the gold dust, not paying attention to anything they were saying. Giles picked up one of the notepads he’d filled during his conversation with the Watcher’s Council and flipped through a few pages. “It says here that –”

“Whee!” came Dawn’s voice. When they all turned to look at her, they saw that she had thrown the dust up into the air over her head.

“Dawn, _no_!” Buffy cried, rushing towards her, but it was too late. All the dust – both in the air and still in the bowl – froze for a moment before racing at Dawn, streaming into her eyes, ears, nose, and mouth. The young girl instantly doubled over and began to cough.

Buffy ran over and took Dawn in her arms. “Giles, what’s happening?” she asked desperately as Xander came over and tried thumping the ailing girl on the back. To the blonde Slayer’s utter surprise, Giles didn’t look worried or startled – just exasperated.

As soon as all the dust had filled her, Dawn stopped coughing and slowly sat up, shaking her head to clear it. “What was _that_?” she asked, looking up at everyone.

“Dawn…your eyes…” Buffy said, staring at the girl with a puzzled frown.

“What about them?” Dawn asked nervously, looking around again.

Giles sighed and read from his notepad. “‘The dust will disappear after a certain period of time – one hour per person who anchored the bridge. If, however, an anchor absorbs the dust, then he or she will become permanently tied to the heavenly spirits and be able to communicate with them at will with a simple incantation. He or she will be marked by gold flecks in their irises.’”

Dawn, her normally blue eyes now speckled with gold, grinned broadly. “So I can talk to Willow and Tara whenever I want?”

“I wouldn’t do it right now,” Giles said quickly. “It’s best we give them plenty of time alone.”

“They might be busy, too,” Anya said, her face lighting up in a knowing smirk.

…

When the flash of light faded, Tara could feel that she and Willow were back in heaven, kneeling on the soft bed of clouds. She could feel that Willow was once again clothed, wearing something made of fine silk. But still, she did not let go. She clutched her soulmate’s body tightly against hers, reveling in the feel of having the redhead in her arms again. Willow too did not loosen her embrace as she breathed heavily into Tara’s shoulder. Enveloped in the blonde’s warmth, she clung to her tightly, never wanting to let go now that they could hold each other again.

After what felt like a blissful eternity, both girls’ breathing started to slow, adrenaline and fear leaving them. They pulled apart slowly, but only far enough so they could look into each other’s eyes.

“Am I…am I really here?” Willow asked, her voice quavering as tears rolled down her cheeks. “Is this real?”

“Oh darling, it’s real,” Tara said, her own tears flowing freely. “You’re here. You’re with me. Oh Goddess, Willow.” She held her tightly again as they both burst into sobs, rocking back and forth in each other’s arms.

When their tears finally abated, Willow lifted her head so she could look at their surroundings. “Wow…” she whispered, gazing at the landscape of clouds and the golden sky above them. “It’s beautiful.”

“But lonely without you,” Tara said, biting her lip in an attempt to hold back more tears. She didn’t succeed. “I missed you so much, baby.”

“Oh Goddess, I missed you too,” Willow said, once again clutching her soulmate tightly. It was then that she realized as Tara had earlier that she was once again clothed, and looked down to see what she was wearing. A white, shapeless robe hung loosely over her petite frame, and she saw that Tara was wearing a similar garment instead of her emerald and gold dress.

“I guess now that we’re together, it’s a sign that we’ll be this way forever,” Tara said, a smile coming to her face for the first time.

“Always,” Willow replied.

Eyes of vibrant green met those of soft blue, and without further hesitation, the girls finally, _finally_ kissed after having been apart for so long.

Tara’s whole body sang as her lips met Willow’s. The feel of kissing her lover again overwhelmed her with passion, and she immediately deepened the kiss, needing more. Willow complied without hesitation, and couldn’t help but moan as Tara’s tongue dueled with hers. But as much as they wanted to continue, they both knew that there were still things that needed saying.

Pulling apart, albeit unwillingly, the two lay back on the clouds and snuggled together, rubbing each other’s arms as they had done so often before. “Tara?” Willow asked. “How…how can you still love me? After what happened on Earth, and on the bridge…”

“Oh darling,” Tara said again, hugging the redhead briefly before going back to her caresses. “I could never stop loving you. What you did on Earth you did out of love for me, and what happened on the bridge was not your fault.” She cupped Willow’s cheeks and gazed at her intently. “Don’t _ever_ think it was your fault.”

“I…I’m sorry I almost gave up,” Willow said. “I love you more than anything, and I almost gave up…” Tears filled her eyes again.

“I know you love me,” Tara murmured, kissing the tears away. “You almost gave up ‘cause you still weren’t sure – some part of you still wasn’t sure. Am I right?” When Willow nodded reluctantly, Tara lifted her hand and pulled the ring off her finger. “That’s why I knew I had to show you this – to show you that, no matter what, I will always love you.” She took Willow’s hand and gently slid the ring on her finger, kissing her hand when she was done. “Forever.”

Willow gazed at the ring on her hand and smiled, and in that smile Tara saw relief and pure love. “I love you, Willow,” the blonde said with all her heart. Willow didn’t respond, but closed her eyes as if in deep concentration.

“I hope this works,” she said, then pulled a piece of cloud from the surface beneath them. Holding it in her hand, she focused on something she had wanted to give Tara to show her love in return. Tara gasped as the piece of cloud slowly coalesced to form a golden ring, very similar to the one Willow now wore. Though the circular diamond was the same, the rim was engraved with stars that were deep sapphire in color. “I had meant to get this for you, but I was so scared,” Willow said, holding the ring in the palm of her hand. Then she smiled and slipped it on Tara’s finger. “I love you too,” she whispered.

Tara couldn’t hold back tears as she gazed at the ring on her hand, marveling both at its thoughtful beauty and it’s similarity with the one she’d chosen. She pressed her palm against Willow’s, and the rings brushed each other slightly. “We really are part of each other, aren’t we?” she asked, choking back a sob.

Willow smiled at her. “As you once sang to me, ‘you make me complete.’” It was her turn to cup Tara’s face in her hands. “Goddess, Tara, make me complete again. Please, make me complete.”

“Together,” the blonde replied. “Together we’re complete.” The two met in a searing kiss.

Flames of passion that had long been subdued reignited. Sensations that had long been denied once again sprang to life. The dams that had struggled to hold back their longing collapsed under the force of all the love expressed in that one kiss.

Willow went limp in Tara’s arms when she felt her lover’s lips on hers. She had missed her soft, sweet taste, and couldn’t help but deepen the kiss, desperate to feel more. When Tara’s tongue slid across her lips, seeking entrance, she was all too eager to comply. Tara sighed as she explored Willow’s mouth, their tongues dueling languidly, lovingly. Hands ran over backs, arms, chests, thighs, relearning each other’s bodies.

Though they were both desperate to be inside the other again, their lovemaking was slow and sensual. Eventually though, the need for more contact became too great, and the girls were forced to break the kiss in order to take off each other’s robes. When they discovered that they were both naked under the smooth fabric, they smiled in both delight and anticipation.

Willow gently guided Tara onto her back, supporting her weight on her elbows as she kissed her way down her lover’s collarbone. Her lips made their way down Tara’s chest, around her breasts, her tongue darting out to taste pale skin. Finally, Willow took her soulmate’s nipple into her mouth, her hands massaging Tara’s generous flesh. Tara threw her head back and hummed in pleasure as the wet fire of Willow’s mouth coated her skin. She ran one hand over the girl’s back and the other through her vibrant red hair. “Oh, my Willow,” she murmured. “My Willow tree.” The redhead moaned and sucked harder.

After a minute of more sweet torture, Tara rolled Willow over onto her back so she could return the favor. The girl whimpered and thrashed as the blonde ran her tongue over her nipples, trailing her fingertips down her stomach and drawing patterns on her thighs. “Oh, Tara,” Willow whispered, mimicking her lover’s earlier words. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you too, baby,” Tara replied, making her way up Willow’s body until the two were eye to eye. They moved to lie side by side, and spent a few moments simply stroking each other’s hair. Then they moved in for another kiss, just as their fingers moved into each other. They cried out into each other’s mouths the instant they made contact, their bodies surging together as they clutched each other with their free hands.

The instant Willow felt Tara’s fingers plunge into her core, she felt as if she’d been filled with light – as if all of her soulmate’s love had been poured into her and filled her entire being. Not only that, but the feeling of Tara’s scorching center around her fingers was intoxicating, as if the girl’s heat had enveloped every inch of her. Tara felt much the same way, and when the two broke the kiss to gaze at each other, they saw that they were glowing the same way Tara had on her twentieth birthday, but much, _much_ brighter.

Stilling for a moment, Willow and Tara looked deeply into each other’s eyes, soaking in the love they saw in each other. Then, without looking away, they gently began to move.

Movements grew more frantic as the pleasure mounted. Willow let out a sharp cry when Tara’s thumb pressed into her clit, and Tara moaned just as loudly when her soulmate returned the favor. On each thrust they reached deeper and deeper until both of them had found each other’s inner pleasure spots and were pressing hard against them. Their movements became faster and more frantic as they came closer and closer to their peaks. Not once did they look away from each other, and tears rolled down their faces from the sheer joy of being within each other again.

Willow was at the edge, and when she felt Tara tense in her arms, she knew the blonde was right there with her. “Tara!” she gasped as she felt herself hit breaking point.

“Willow!” came the response. And once again, time stopped.

Like Tara had so long ago, both girls felt as if they were in another realm. But unlike before, they felt as if their bodies were in _every_ realm, their passion for each other stretching in all directions, illuminating everything it came across. They could hear each other’s heartbeats and the rush of blood in their veins as they trembled against each other. Then the world around them shattered into fragments of light as they came.

The light and heat filling Willow and Tara’s bodies erupted and plunged them both into the depths of ecstasy. Pleasure unlike anything either of them had felt before seeped into their skin and filled them with fiery joy. In that moment, they were one. WillowTara. TaraWillow. Two people whose souls had entwined and were at that moment pulsing with their combined releases, and the girls could only scream wordlessly as they were consumed by the unearthly sensation.

…

Anya and Xander, who had been relaxing in Xander’s apartment, were suddenly awash with physical delight. Without a word, the two of them headed rather quickly to the bedroom.

…

Buffy and Faith, who had been lying on Buffy’s bed talking quietly, suddenly gasped as pleasure surged through them both. Suddenly flushed and aroused, they kissed each other with every ounce of passion they possessed.

…

It took a long, long time before the glow faded and Willow and Tara drifted back into consciousness. Once they’d returned from their orgasmic oblivion, the two snuggled against each other as a white blanket forged by the clouds covered them both.

“Now,” Willow said, nuzzling her face against her lover’s neck, “I know I’m in heaven.”

Tara chuckled and placed a kiss on the top of her head. “Are you sure?” she asked, rolling over so that she had the redhead pinned. “’Cause I think you might need some more reassurance.” Willow giggled as the blonde began to trail kisses down her stomach.

In terms of time back on earth, the two made love from dusk till dawn.


	19. Epilogue

“ _Dicere_ ,” Dawn said, closing her eyes and concentrating on Willow and Tara. Almost immediately, she found herself in the halfway realm, a golden thread around her waist, and at the other end…

The girl grinned broadly when she saw the two witches who had been like second mothers to her. They were smiling too, their eyes shining with happiness as they floated side by side, the magical rope wrapping around both of them.

“Hey, Dawnie,” Tara said softly.

“Hey, Tara,” Dawn replied, suddenly close to tears.

“Your eyes…” Willow said, sounding surprised as she peered at Dawn closely.

“It means she’s the messenger, sweetie,” Tara explained. “She absorbed the remains of the spell, so now she can talk to us whenever she wants.”

Willow’s smile turned into a grin as she comprehended this. “See? We haven’t really left you. We’re just a magic word away,” she quipped. Dawn giggled, grateful for Willow’s humorous remark to lighten the situation a bit.

“We can’t thank you and the others enough,” Tara said seriously, wrapping an arm around Willow’s waist. “You brought us back together.” Tears were welling in her eyes, and Willow stroked her cheek soothingly.

Dawn blushed – not at the display of affection, but at Tara’s praise. “Well, Willow’s the one who did it. And you’re the one who let us know what was happening.”

“But you made it possible for me to get back to Tara,” Willow replied. “You were the ones who anchored the bridge.” She shuddered for a moment at the memory, and Tara held her tighter. “Thanks to you, I’m back with my soulmate.” Willow wrapped both her arms around Tara and lay her head on the blonde’s shoulder. Tara smiled and brought her other arm around the redhead. Dawn couldn’t help but smile as well, their tenderness touching her heart.

“Well, that’s what we Scoobies do,” Dawn said, shrugging. “Besides, nothing can keep you two apart. I mean, Will, you saved Tara from a hell-god, and she pulled you from Hell itself. If that doesn’t mean something, I dunno _what_ does,” she finished, breaking into a quirky grin, despite the fact that she was starting to cry. The two witches had tears streaming down their faces as well.

“We love you, Dawnie,” Tara whispered. “You’re everything to us – you and all the Scoobies.”

“As Buffy once said, we’re family,” Willow added, briefly squeezing her lover, never breaking the embrace.

“I… _we_ love you too. We miss you…” Dawn choked. “I miss you so much,”

“Oh, Dawn,” Tara said soothingly, reaching a hand in the young girl’s direction. “We’ll always be here for you, just like Willow said. Whenever you need us.”

Still crying, Dawn nodded, fighting the weariness that was starting to overcome her. Willow and Tara noticed her struggle, and smiled at her sadly. “Don’t tire yourself out,” Willow said. “You know you can talk to us whenever you want now. We love you.”

“Very much,” Tara added.

Dawn nodded again. “I…I’ll see you soon…” She swallowed back a few tears, then found the strength for one last small smile. “By the way, nice threads.”

“Thanks,” Willow replied, glancing briefly at the white, dress-like robes she and Tara wore. Then the connection was broken, and Dawn fell back on the living room couch. Happy but still so sad, Dawn collapsed on her side and cried in earnest.

Feeling a hand on her shoulder, Dawn opened her eyes to see Buffy kneeling by the couch. “Dawn?” she murmured, asking everything just by speaking her name. Still crying, Dawn fell into her sister’s arms, sobbing into her shoulder until she had cried herself out.

…

“Should we wake her up?” Faith whispered to Buffy as they stood watching Dawn from the kitchen door. Almost two days had gone by since the speaking spell, but the young girl had prudently waited before contacting the witches, especially after what had happened to Buffy, Faith, Anya, and Xander the night before. Now Dawn had collapsed, exhausted not just by the spell but her hour-long crying.

“No,” Buffy replied just as quietly. “Let’s give her some time to rest. I don’t think any of us really appreciated how hard this was on her. I mean, she is still a kid, and Willow and Tara were like moms to her while I was…gone.” She sighed. “I think a lot of this sort of thing hits her harder than she lets show.”

“Eh, living in this part of town, she’ll get used to it soon enough.” Faith’s tone was sarcastic, but without humor.

The doorbell rang, causing both Slayers to flinch and glance at Dawn, but she was still sound asleep. When Buffy opened the door for Xander and Anya, who came bearing food and board games, she put a finger to her lips and jerked her head in the direction of the living room. For once, even Anya obeyed, the trials she had had to watch having temporarily sobered her somewhat. Faith went upstairs to let Giles know that dinner had arrived, and they all ate in silence, glancing every so often at the sleeping teenager.

When Faith got up from the table and turned to find herself facing D’Hoffryn, she couldn’t help but yelp in surprise and literally drop back into her chair. “Hello,” the vengeance lord said, looking around at all of them. Noticing Dawn, he negligently waved a hand in her direction. A soft blanket emerged from thin air and draped itself over her. “Poor thing,” D’Hoffryn murmured before turning back to the others.

“Hi, D’Hoffryn,” Anya said, having remained calm at the demon’s entrance. “Pull up a chair; have some lo mein.”

“Thanks, but I’m just passing through,” he said. “I just wanted to congratulate you all on the success of the spell. It’s good to see Willow out of that wretched place.”

“Thanks,” Buffy said sincerely. “And we can’t thank you enough for helping us – for helping Willow.”

“Though I still think she should have called you at Circle Two,” Anya added.

D’Hoffryn shook his head. “She couldn’t have. The last part of the journey always has to be made on one’s own.” Faith, Buffy, and Anya all winced, suddenly feeling a little less hungry.

“Does anyone want to fill me in on that, or am I gonna be left in the dark?” Xander asked.

“ _Enjoy_ the dark,” Faith replied as Buffy and Anya nodded emphatically.

“They’re together,” Buffy said firmly. “That’s all that matters.”

D’Hoffryn smirked. “They’re certainly together.”

“What do you mean?” Anya asked.

“Surely you felt their rejoining?” the vengeance lord asked. “It touched almost every realm nearby.”

“As far as the world without shrimp?” Anya asked, stunned.

“Just about,” was the demon’s calm reply.

“So _that’s_ what that was…” Faith said, glancing wryly at Buffy, who was blushing so deeply she looked sunburned.

“What what was?” Giles asked.

“Nothing,” everyone else replied, D’Hoffryn included.

“Well, I’d best be off,” the demon said. “Havoc to wreak, vengeance to exact. Goodnight, everyone.”

They all bade goodnight to the vengeance lord, watched him vanish from the dining room, then went back to the first relatively normal dinner they’d had in weeks.

…

“Oh _Goddess_ , that felt good,” Tara moaned, recovering from the aftershocks of a powerful climax as she stretched beneath the cloudy covers on the huge bed she shared with Willow. The redhead grinned, kissing her cheek.

“Well, I figure I have to make up for lost time,” she said. “All those nights alo…” She trailed off mid-word, the grin sliding from her face. Tara saw this and wrapped her arms around her lover, molding their bodies together.

“We will never be without each other again,” the blonde murmured into the heated skin of Willow’s shoulder. “We’ve got forever together, and I intend to spend that forever making love with you.”

“Well, I’m glad our interests coincide,” Willow said, a wry smile forming on her lips once again as she drew Tara in for a kiss. The two sighed as they moved their mouths against each other, bathing in each other’s afterglow. “Who’d’ve thought that even here we’d get tired?” Willow continued, snuggling with her lover as they pulled the covers over their shoulders.

“It’s probably for effect,” Tara said playfully. “Just so we can fall asleep in each other’s arms.”

And that’s just what the two of them did.

…

“So now what?”

Faith turned to her fellow Slayer as the two of them sat on the porch watching the sunset. “What do you mean, ‘now what?’”

“Well,” Buffy began carefully, “are you going back to L.A., or are you staying in Sunnydale?”

“I dunno,” Faith said honestly, rubbing the back of her neck. “When I came down here I wasn’t expecting all this to happen. Now I’m not sure what I’m gonna do.”

Buffy took a deep breath. “Well, you… _could_ stay at our house. I mean, I’m sure Dawn would like your company – a-and I certainly wouldn’t mind…” she stopped at the look Faith was giving her. The rogue was smiling, one eyebrow arched in amusement.

“You want me to live with you, B?” she asked. When Buffy, uncharacteristically shy, nodded, Faith grinned outright. “Well all right then.” Chuckling, she added, “I have been sleepin’ in your room a lot anyway.”

Buffy blushed and lightly shoved the brunette, but she was grinning nonetheless. Looking back out at the sunset, the blonde sighed, releasing a lot of her tension in one breath. “You know, I think everything’s gonna turn out all right.”

“You totally just jinxed it – you know that, right?”

“Well, yeah, but we can’t let life get boring now, can we?”


End file.
